http://espn.go.com/nba/story/_/id/12354 ... depression
As he worked on a turkey sausage and cheese croissant with green tea, Sanders discussed more specifically than he had on the phone how he'd been spending his time since leaving the Bucks. Sanders described the weeks since Christmas as "a mental and spiritual training camp." He spent the first few weeks of January at his Milwaukee home among friends and family or in solitude, with a good deal of time devoted to meditation, often led by an instructor, and yoga.
[+] EnlargeLarry Sanders
Steve Dykes/USA TODAY SportsDespite a late start to playing basketball, Sanders developed into a dominant defender in the NBA.
"A lot of meditation," Sanders said. "It's been awesome. Meditation isn't about control. It's about surrendering, about letting your mind run free for a little bit. You just sit there, as a supervisor of your thoughts. You just observe them. It's a very strange spiritual experience, just allowing them to be there."
He declined to speak about his 4-year-old son, who is staying with family for the time being, and his mom, whom he says has "seen enough in her life." He said he occasionally ventured out to a friend's apartment building, where he uses the treadmill for light work.
"The one thing I want people to understand -- I've been doing a lot of work," Sanders said of the period following his leave from the Bucks. "I've been productive with my health and well-being and my spirituality. That's important to me. It goes beyond everything else."
Sanders explained that, in mid-December, it became clear that the work in question couldn't be accomplished within the framework of the NBA season. Around that time, he said he started to feel achy and physically unwell, and declined even more following the Dec. 23 home loss to Charlotte.
"The thing about me is that I'm an all-or-nothing kind of guy," Sanders said. "I can't go in and not be fully there. I want to give it my all, out of respect for the work. That's why people admire when they watch. They feel like a guy is working as hard as he can. So I just want people to know that I'm working as hard as I can now, too."
Following that loss, Kidd held a particularly tough practice in an effort to jump-start the team.
"Coach Kidd had it like we were in boot camp," Bucks forward Jared Dudley said. "He had us running, and he wanted to let everyone know how their role was defined."
According to Dudley, Sanders walked out of practice abruptly, before the sprints. Teammates had to pursue him to come back inside.
"It seemed weird at the time," Dudley said. "In this league, you're going to have players and coaches who disagree. That's the nature of the game. But I just thought that was odd."
A day or two later, Sanders left the team. Dudley reached out to Sanders by text, but didn't hear back, which he said was uncharacteristic.
"He got along with everyone," Dudley said. "You could tell he was artsy. But he was a great guy. He went out with the guys, for dinner and stuff. I would just say that things started to change at the very end."
Weeks before he admitted in video that he checked into a facility at Rogers Memorial Hospital, Sanders asked that the news of his enrollment there not be made public. He acknowledged that, in some respect, the request contradicted his belief that mental health issues needed to be destigmatized. But so long as he was pursuing advanced treatment, he didn't want the issue shrouded by any buzz generated by the public admittance of his status.
Sanders' stint at the mental health facility was brokered by several parties, including his representatives, the National Basketball Players Association and the Bucks. As a provision of his drug suspension, Sanders was required to receive drug treatment, but according to sources, his agents and the players' association pleaded with the league to have Sanders treated under the purview of mental health rather than substance abuse.
"That wasn't an easy fight," said a source close to the situation.
According to two sources close to the process, Sanders had stopped returning the Bucks' phone calls and, before his drug suspension kicked in, going to practice and meetings. The Bucks had worked with the league to offer Sanders multiple mental health referrals, but eventually became frustrated enough to consider more punitive measures, like a suspension from the team.
Ultimately, all parties came together for "a grand compromise," according to one of the sources. Sanders would receive independent treatment, meaning the facility had no relationship with either the NBA or the Bucks. It was an arrangement agreed to by all parties, but facilitated solely by Sanders' representatives and the players' association.
The NBA Player Association's general counsel, Gary Kohlman, declined to comment for this story.
"We view it as a shared responsibility, one that includes the player as well," NBA spokesman Michael Bass said. "We've worked hard to remove the stigma associated with mental health and the notion of 'getting help' for players, but that's an ongoing process and one that the league, teams and [players' association] are committed to."
Sources who have been active in arranging care for Sanders worry that the financial security that comes with the buyout of his contract with Milwaukee for "about 40 cents on the dollar" presents a real risk that he won't seek the treatment he, by his own admission, desperately needs and will fall into a routine of bad habits. One of these sources agrees with the characterization that surfaced in December reports that Sanders no longer wanted to play basketball.
During the first two weeks of his stay at the facility, Sanders sounded upbeat. He texted about Seattle Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch's truculence with the media during the leadup to the Super Bowl, which he said gave him insight into his own temperament (though Sanders has always been far more communicative and friendly with the media). Sanders said he was continuing his regular meditation, and enjoying his sessions met professionals on staff at the facility.
But more than a week before his scheduled departure from the facility, Sanders checked out, much to the consternation of those who helped orchestrate his treatment program. The plan was to stay four weeks, but Sanders departed more than a week before his scheduled departure and flew to the Caribbean.
"He says he wants the best treatment, but then he rejects the treatment," said an involved source who was disappointed because he said Sanders' advocates went to great lengths to find him a treatment regimen that would allow him to address his issues.
Soon after he departed the facility, he instructed his agents to seek a buyout from the Bucks, against their advice. For his part, Sanders didn't have anything unkind to say about any parties involved in his treatment, including the Bucks. Those who have been working closely with him to arrange for care said that the team's management, after some initial resistance, had been responsive to Sanders' situation. At the time Sanders signed a four-year $44 million contract extension in August 2013, the Bucks agreed to extend Sanders mental health protections. This meant that should Sanders suffer from conditions that could be diagnosed as mental health-related, he'd be protected under the terms so long as he complied with a mental health treatment plan -- just as is the case contractually with the recovery from physical injury. In other words, he would have gotten paid even if he didn't play basketball.
Sources who have been active in arranging care for Sanders worry that the financial security that comes with the buyout of his contract with Milwaukee for "about 40 cents on the dollar" presents a real risk that he won't seek the treatment he, by his own admission, desperately needs and will fall into a routine of bad habits. One of these sources agrees with the characterization that surfaced in December reports that Sanders no longer wanted to play basketball.
This will be my last winter here in WI. I'm done. Just over it.
