Jays Board: Request For Scapegoat

[Schad]

Howard,

Over the past couple years, it has been increasingly apparent that the Toronto Blue Jays, and consequently the Toronto Blue Jays forum by proxy, has incurred the wrath of one or more angry deities for reasons we cannot quite comprehend. Madness ensues...players defy all statistical norms; sprinkler heads attack players; bunting drills and simple attempts to climb stairs lead to torn ACLs; Chien-Ming Wang somehow ends up in the rotation. To combat this last year, we took to making sacrifices to the gods of BABIP, via the means of the temporary suspension feature; Adrian_05, as a virgin sacrifice, proved particularly effective, but perhaps not effective enough on recent evidence, at least on matters that do not involve whether lazy liners find the outfield turf.

Consequently, we request that you create for us a designated scapegoat, a user account which exists solely to be banned and otherwise mistreated in order to sate the capricious gods that so haunt our franchise and fanbase. If you indicate that you are so willing, we will determine the exact specifications needed for maximum sacrificial value and submit them to you in the coming days.

Regards,

Some poor bastards.

[torontoaces04]

Can we ban Howard from the Jays board? Howard would be the greatest sacrifice of them all, and perhaps the only one big enough to appease the Gods.

[Howard Mass]

Howard,

Over the past couple years, it has been increasingly apparent that the Toronto Blue Jays, and consequently the Toronto Blue Jays forum by proxy, has incurred the wrath of one or more angry deities for reasons we cannot quite comprehend. Madness ensues...players defy all statistical norms; sprinkler heads attack players; bunting drills and simple attempts to climb stairs lead to torn ACLs; Chien-Ming Wang somehow ends up in the rotation. To combat this last year, we took to making sacrifices to the gods of BABIP, via the means of the temporary suspension feature; Adrian_05, as a virgin sacrifice, proved particularly effective, but perhaps not effective enough on recent evidence, at least on matters that do not involve whether lazy liners find the outfield turf.

Consequently, we request that you create for us a designated scapegoat, a user account which exists solely to be banned and otherwise mistreated in order to sate the capricious gods that so haunt our franchise and fanbase. If you indicate that you are so willing, we will determine the exact specifications needed for maximum sacrificial value and submit them to you in the coming days.

Regards,

Some poor bastards.

LOL!

What do you want? An account created that you can ban all of the time?

[Howard Mass]

Can we ban Howard from the Jays board? Howard would be the greatest sacrifice of them all, and perhaps the only one big enough to appease the Gods.

Ohh and Go Yankees!....... Except A-Rod.

[satyr9]

I believe we need two accounts: We need The Lord Our God Of BABIP, who has his own thread stickied (A thread created by, but no message, as that would be blasphemous) at all times to the top of the board, where we can give upvotes for each blessing of BABIP and heap praise upon him.

And we need a redshirt, who we can sacrifice with a banning whenever The Lord Our God Of BABIP demands it.

[Geddy]

I believe banning Adrian didn't work, so I agree that we need another scapegoat.

[Sofia]

I believe banning Adrian didn't work, so I agree that we need another scapegoat.

Can't hurt to keep trying imhimo

[Schad]

I believe we need two accounts: We need The Lord Our God Of BABIP, who has his own thread stickied (A thread created by, but no message, as that would be blasphemous) at all times to the top of the board, where we can give upvotes for each blessing of BABIP and heap praise upon him.

And we need a redshirt, who we can sacrifice with a banning whenever The Lord Our God Of BABIP demands it.

I agree with the premise, but I do not think it wise to anger the other gods in the pantheon by worshiping only the god of BABIP; while undoubtedly important, BABIPus is not the only deity to lash out of late, so perhaps creating an avatar of the gods is wise (as it's probably a bit much to ask Howard to create, like, a half-dozen or more different god accounts for us to worship).

Additionally, my ideal for a sacrifice would be one that we could control, having them utter heresies before being temp banned as penance to the gods, but I can understand if that violates basically the whole of the ToS and thus isn't allowable.

[tsherkin]

Howard,

Over the past couple years, it has been increasingly apparent that the Toronto Blue Jays, and consequently the Toronto Blue Jays forum by proxy, has incurred the wrath of one or more angry deities for reasons we cannot quite comprehend. Madness ensues...players defy all statistical norms; sprinkler heads attack players; bunting drills and simple attempts to climb stairs lead to torn ACLs; Chien-Ming Wang somehow ends up in the rotation. To combat this last year, we took to making sacrifices to the gods of BABIP, via the means of the temporary suspension feature; Adrian_05, as a virgin sacrifice, proved particularly effective, but perhaps not effective enough on recent evidence, at least on matters that do not involve whether lazy liners find the outfield turf.

Consequently, we request that you create for us a designated scapegoat, a user account which exists solely to be banned and otherwise mistreated in order to sate the capricious gods that so haunt our franchise and fanbase. If you indicate that you are so willing, we will determine the exact specifications needed for maximum sacrificial value and submit them to you in the coming days.

Regards,

Some poor bastards.

LOL!

What do you want? An account created that you can ban all of the time?

A fantastic idea, Howard.

[Schad]

Player sidelined by a sneeze. 20 year old pitching phenom potentially being used in middle relief. The situations grows more dire by the day, Howard; we may not have much longer.

[Howard Mass]

Ehh...............

Want me to allow that dummy account that you can keep suspending?

[tsherkin]

Yes please

[Howard Mass]

Schad just has to give me the word.

[Sofia]

Would you notice if a dummy account is suspended? If it's a dummy account it won't be active either way...

I vote that Adrian remains the scapegoat.

[kyphi]

I was gonna sacrifice a chicken too, oh well

[Howard Mass]

It cannot be a current User.

[Schad]

I forgot about this, but I believe now is the time...a long string of road games just begging for one-run losses awaits. The season hangs in the balance.

Please name the dummy account Farrell4Eva. I will create a thread on the Jays board for the occasion; if you would be so kind as to make a post with that account espousing the glories of squeeze bunting, we will take it from there.

[Howard Mass]

Schadenfreude,

i sent you a PM.