Funny NBA stories

[Wilford Brimley]

Do you guys have any funny NBA stories you've heard over the years?

This one is my favorite:

While coaching the Knicks for an abbreviated 59 games in 1995-96, Nelson told me a story involving John Starks. He said a fan approached the former Knicks guard after a game and asked him to sign a pennant for his brother. "His name is Marc. Marc with a 'C.' "

When the fan got the pennant returned, Nelson said, it read, "To Cark." Marc with a "C," get it?

Nellie delighted in telling that story, prefacing it with, "This is how stupid John Starks is." He wanted Starks traded and was prepared to give up any information that might lead to that end.

Also when Eddy Curry blamed his poor performance due to lack of sleep in a haunted hotel.

[Mr. E]

Bill Simmons recounting a tale of one of my favorite players of all time:

These anecdotes just bounce off people now. Artest is a benevolent crazy. Or so we think. Being around this nuttiness every day is a little different from merely hearing about the nuttiness in secondhand anecdotes. I know for a fact he routinely broke plays on offense and is still a handful behind the scenes, and the Rockets buried every 2008-09 story that would have made this patently clear. For instance, Artest routinely walked around in his underwear in public places: the Rockets’ team bus, hotels, you name it. People around the team barely flinched after a while. Before Game 7 of the Lakers series — only the biggest game of the entire season — they finally flinched.

Here’s what happened: Artest missed the first two team buses (the ones for players, coaches and team personnel) from Houston’s hotel to the Staples Center and barely made the third and final bus, which was reserved for business staff, sponsors and friends of the team. These stunned people watched Artest sprint to the bus right before it left, jump on and take one of the remaining seats … yes, wearing only his underwear. Owner Leslie Alexander happened to be sitting on the bus and witnessed the whole thing. And you wonder why the Houston Rockets didn’t make any effort whatsoever to bring back Artest.

I gave Peace a chance, but he'll always be Ron Ron to me!

[KyletheDingbat]

I heard Shaq punched Kobe in the face in the 2004 Finals. Reliable source /Chris Broussard. It was at half time of one of the games, don't know which.

Also what was that story about Ben Gordon cooking frozen pizzas right on the stove without a pan? "What are you doing Ben?" "Cookin' sut'in" Thought that was kinda funny. Or the Darius Miles quote after hearing about a $300,000 fine: "It would take my mom a whole year to make that".

I like stupid NBA player stories.

[Wilford Brimley]

PORTLAND, Ore. -- Portland Trail Blazers forward Qyntel Woods pleaded no contest Wednesday to marijuana charges stemming from a traffic stop last year, according to court records.

Woods was cited last March 29 when he was stopped for speeding. He reportedly offered only his basketball trading card and two credit cards as identification.

[Renkz]

There were other incidents with Arenas, too. According to him, Blatche once threw his clothes in a Jacuzzi, accusing Arenas of cutting up his suit. Arenas denied the suit-cutting because he wasn’t in the building and insists it was another Wizards teammate. But Arenas was OK with playing that game. He got payback with Blatche’s shoes.

“It was just dog doo-doo in it. It was really dog doo-doo. … I took his sole out, threw it under there, put the sole back on and threw the baby powder on there so he couldn’t smell it,” Arenas said.

[Tabitha]

John Salley

So, we open the door, and Isiah asks B.J. what he thinks. Now, B.J. and Isiah are both from Chicago, got the same tone, and B.J. says: "Thanks, I appreciate it, Zeke, but you gotta get me outta here. I can't play here." So he works a deal and gets rid of B.J.

So, Isiah goes to to me, "Hey, Sal, what are you thinking?"

I'm like, B.J. knows something I don't know. I need to get out of here, too. So I tell him, "Hey, if you can hook it up, I'd love to leave."

But Zeke is like, "Well, there's three things with that. Orlando wants to give me Anthony Avent and this other white player [Brooks Thompson or Jeff Turner]. I'm not doing that."

And I'm thinking, "C'mon, I wanna play with Shaq and Penny! I won't even play, just get a check and sit in the sun. C'mon, man."

And he tells me: "Chicago wants to give you a gig, but they've got Dennis Rodman and James Edwards. And you know Detroit wants you back, but you know I'm not negotiating with them. Listen. This is going to be a great place for you."

I'm looking at him like, please, please, massa, let me go. And he doesn't trade me. He's got three offers for me, and he still won't trade me.

But he says that Toronto's going to be a spot. That I'll be able to own the town. I buy into it.

I had no idea what I was getting into. Every day in the newspaper was a full page explaining a referee's call. They had to explain basketball to these people.

The team was full of these characters, too. There was Carlos Rogers, Oliver Miller—people forget because of the weight thing, but the Big O could play—and Alvin Robertson. Alvin Robertson was the scariest player I ever played against. He would beat the **** out of anybody. If you told me to put together a team of all the old-timers, it would be Alvin Robertson and Sidney Moncrief—just tough dudes.

Now, Alvin Robertson gets arrested the night before our first game for kicking a naked prostitute out of his hotel room after deciding he didn't want to pay. He gets bailed out the next day at like 3 in the afternoon and our game is at 7. He goes out and leads the team in scoring and we win the first game. That's when I knew that season was going to be weird.

[420]

Do you guys have any funny NBA stories you've heard over the years?

This one is my favorite:

While coaching the Knicks for an abbreviated 59 games in 1995-96, Nelson told me a story involving John Starks. He said a fan approached the former Knicks guard after a game and asked him to sign a pennant for his brother. "His name is Marc. Marc with a 'C.' "

When the fan got the pennant returned, Nelson said, it read, "To Cark." Marc with a "C," get it?

Nellie delighted in telling that story, prefacing it with, "This is how stupid John Starks is." He wanted Starks traded and was prepared to give up any information that might lead to that end.

Also when Eddy Curry blamed his poor performance due to lack of sleep in a haunted hotel.

Am I the only one who doesn't get it. So instead of Marc, he put a "k" at the end, and put a "C" at the beginning. If that's the whole point, I'd say it's not funny. I hope I'm wrong, sounds like it could be funny.

[Dipper 13]

Loose Balls: Easy Money, Hard Fouls, Cheap Laughs, and True Love in the NBA - Jayson Williams

Before signing me up, the Sixers' top guys met with me in a Midtown hotel in New York City. They heard I was fat, out of shape. They were worried about the broken foot, too. It was Harold Katz, then the owner, and Gene Shue, then the general manager. They wanted me to run up and down the hotel ballroom. They thought I might be damaged goods. I told 'em I understood their concerns, but I had a better idea. Instead of running up and down in a damn ballroom, why didn't I run up and down on a basketball court for them? I said, "We can go to a park by my house." They thought it was a great idea and we agreed to go on down there.

Harold and Gene didn't know it, but the park we were going to was down on the Lower East Side, right next to the school I went to, P.S. 137. And before we drove down there, I called the principal, and I told him what's happening.

So when we got to the park, he's let the whole school out early, and there's nine hundred kids in the park, surrounding the court, hanging on the chain-link fence, screaming and yelling and cheering, "Williams! Williams! Williams! Williams!."

And I'm running and dunking and jumping, up and down and up and down. I'm flying! It's like one of those bad made-for-TV movies. I mean, I'm two feet above the rim, scraping my elbows on metal. And the kids are screaming and Harold and Gene are happy about the whole thing. They're talking to each other.

"Holy smokes!" they're saying. "We got a steal with this guy!"

Harold and Gene spent the next two years watching me miss layups, stumble around, saying, "What the heck happened at that park? Was that an optical illusion or what?"

They told Charles Barkley they were confused, because they'd seen me playing about two feet above the rim.

Charlie says, "You seen who? Doing what? When?"

What Harold and Gene and Charlie didn't know is that the basket at that park is only nine feet high.

[Fat Kat]

Loose Balls: Easy Money, Hard Fouls, Cheap Laughs, and True Love in the NBA - Jayson Williams

Before signing me up, the Sixers' top guys met with me in a Midtown hotel in New York City. They heard I was fat, out of shape. They were worried about the broken foot, too. It was Harold Katz, then the owner, and Gene Shue, then the general manager. They wanted me to run up and down the hotel ballroom. They thought I might be damaged goods. I told 'em I understood their concerns, but I had a better idea. Instead of running up and down in a damn ballroom, why didn't I run up and down on a basketball court for them? I said, "We can go to a park by my house." They thought it was a great idea and we agreed to go on down there.

Harold and Gene didn't know it, but the park we were going to was down on the Lower East Side, right next to the school I went to, P.S. 137. And before we drove down there, I called the principal, and I told him what's happening.

So when we got to the park, he's let the whole school out early, and there's nine hundred kids in the park, surrounding the court, hanging on the chain-link fence, screaming and yelling and cheering, "Williams! Williams! Williams! Williams!."

And I'm running and dunking and jumping, up and down and up and down. I'm flying! It's like one of those bad made-for-TV movies. I mean, I'm two feet above the rim, scraping my elbows on metal. And the kids are screaming and Harold and Gene are happy about the whole thing. They're talking to each other.

"Holy smokes!" they're saying. "We got a steal with this guy!"

Harold and Gene spent the next two years watching me miss layups, stumble around, saying, "What the heck happened at that park? Was that an optical illusion or what?"

They told Charles Barkley they were confused, because they'd seen me playing about two feet above the rim.

Charlie says, "You seen who? Doing what? When?"

What Harold and Gene and Charlie didn't know is that the basket at that park is only nine feet high.

[ROballer]

Marvin Barnes

When flying from Kentucky to St. Louis in the 70s, the plane was to cross a time zone and technically arrive four minutes before it took off, Barnes said, "I ain't gettin' on no time machine," left and rented a car.

[starquest52]

Marvin Barnes

When flying from Kentucky to St. Louis in the 70s, the plane was to cross a time zone and technically arrive four minutes before it took off, Barnes said, "I ain't gettin' on no time machine," left and rented a car.

[XtotheDeezy]

Me and two of my friends were at Cesar's Palace in Vegas for a weekend. We were playing poker and one of the other players at the table was Brevin Knight. During one of the hands, Brevin beats another player on an All-In. The guy gets up to leave, but Brevin gets up and says '**** happens, man' and then does this weird imaginary cross over move and laughs. The other guy must've been on something other than the few beers he had, because he flinched and fell backwards. Everyone at the table just laughed, while the dealer helped the man up.

I don't know what to make of it.



I'm not the dude in the story.

[Jimmy Recard]

Jeff Van Gundy on Don Nelson teaching players how to flop in his first practice as head coach with the Knicks:

"When i was with the Knicks when Pat Riley quit and Don Nelson got hired, the first practice we had, we practiced our head-snap. I had never seen anything like that. And Coach Nelson was critiquing, 'ah that's not really the proper head-snap, you've gotta snap it harder and let out a groan'. You know, the verbal flop, which runs as a partner to the head-snap. I mean, this is very complicated stuff."

[Fat Kat]

Charles Oakley and Tyrone Hill were both kicked out of a 2000 preseason game when Oakley slapped Hill in the mouth during warmups,
It turns out Hill owed Oakley $54,000 from a dice game and was slow to pay up.
Later that same season, Oakley was suspended again after throwing a basketball at Hill face during a shootaround. Hill eventually settled up, but because of his "coward move," Oakley insisted that he pay double.

[Fat Kat]

-Charles Oakley was dating a woman in Charlotte, NC. He called the woman’s house and LA Clipper Jeff McInnis was there. Oakley went hunting for Jeff that night, but couldn’t find him. So, the next time their two teams played, Oakley walked up to McInnis on the bench and punched him in the head before the game. Oakley blamed one of McInnis’ coaches at the time, Alvin Gentry, for telling reporters the story.