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Funny NBA stories

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Post#21 Re: Funny NBA stories
Mon Jan 7, 2013 2:59 pm by OMG Whateva ETC

Charles Oakley was dating a woman in Charlotte, NC. He called the woman’s house and LA Clipper Jeff McInnis was there. Oakley went hunting for Jeff that night, but couldn’t find him. So, the next time their two teams played, Oakley walked up to McInnis on the bench and punched him in the head before the game. Oakley blamed one of McInnis’ coaches at the time, Alvin Gentry, for telling reporters the story.


Also Oakley went looking for McInnis at the hotel were his team was staying, he waited outside of McInnis door. McInnis locked himself in the room until Oakley left.
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Post#22 Re: Funny NBA stories
Mon Jan 7, 2013 3:04 pm by boogie-reke

Man, this is an AWESOME thread. Great potential :lol:

Keep up the good job people.
“Its my 2nd year of losing and Im not trying to get used to this.I didnt want to get use to it last year.I had enough of it. Its time to turn it around”
-DeMarcus Cousins

“Rookie or not- Im not letting anybody relax"
-Thomas Robinson
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Post#23 Re: Funny NBA stories
Mon Jan 7, 2013 3:10 pm by OMG Whateva ETC

Wilford Brimley wrote:Do you guys have any funny NBA stories you've heard over the years?

This one is my favorite:

While coaching the Knicks for an abbreviated 59 games in 1995-96, Nelson told me a story involving John Starks. He said a fan approached the former Knicks guard after a game and asked him to sign a pennant for his brother. "His name is Marc. Marc with a 'C.' "

When the fan got the pennant returned, Nelson said, it read, "To Cark." Marc with a "C," get it?

Nellie delighted in telling that story, prefacing it with, "This is how stupid John Starks is." He wanted Starks traded and was prepared to give up any information that might lead to that end.


Also when Eddy Curry blamed his poor performance due to lack of sleep in a haunted hotel.



Where did you find this story? Nelson and Starks had a deep deep hatred for each other starting in 1989 in Golden State then rekindled in 1995. I know Starks personally and he's not the brightest bulb but he's also not that dumb either. Plus when he signs autos for people he very rarely personalizes it, i've seen him sign for hundreds of people and i've never seen him put "To so and so" he just doesn't do that. The alcoholic Nellie may be fibbing.
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Post#24 Re: Funny NBA stories
Mon Jan 7, 2013 3:35 pm by Mk0

From a Men's Journal article on Gilbert Arenas.

when quizzed about the worst physical pain he’s experienced, Gilbert gives a cringe-worthy response. Read on, if you dare:

“When I was new in the NBA the team veterans convinced me to shave, you know, down there, because they said the hair stinks. I used my girlfriend’s razor, which was rusty and gave me keloids.”

Ouch. Unfortunately, Gilbert made his cure worse than his injury:

“The doctor prescribed medicine to dab on, but I just poured it all over. Three days later I woke up screaming. The skin was burnt off my scrotum, down to my crack, everything — just raw flesh. I still had to run and play, so I used a numbing spray for a month until it healed.

We repeat - OUCH!

Luckily, Agent Zero learned from his agonizing adventures in groin hygiene:

“Now I use clippers.”


Also in the same article he says his favorite drink is a Corona mixed with a Shirley Temple.
In regards to Nerlens Noel being traded on draft night for Jrue Holiday.
Ax2SG wrote:How in hell is Noel involved in a trade that neither team has a top 3 pick? What if Cleveland drafts Noel with the 1st?

EDIT: HOLY ****, I FORGOT THE DRAFT WAS TODAY GUYS
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Post#25 Re: Funny NBA stories
Mon Jan 7, 2013 3:47 pm by Rondo To KG

Someone posted this on the Celtics boards:

gregkitehackjob wrote:Longtime lurker who thought my boys would appreciate a little quote from the legend

Via rollingstone from the Miami Vice pink shirt himself

For some reason, however, Johnson, who co-stars in Django Unchained, was quick to debunk this rumor in a chat with Rolling Stone. “Look, I’ve seen guys with a lot bigger [penises] than me,” he said. “One time, I was in the Celtics locker room talking to Larry Bird and Kevin McHale … and there’s Dennis Johnson coming out of the showers and, dude, that’s who put the Johnson in Johnson. I mean, it must have shown on my face, because when I turned back to Larry, he looked at me and said, ‘I know, huh?’ and I was like, ‘Dude, that’s a weapon.’ ””
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Post#26 Re: Funny NBA stories
Mon Jan 7, 2013 4:06 pm by BALLINari

Dipper 13 wrote:Loose Balls: Easy Money, Hard Fouls, Cheap Laughs, and True Love in the NBA - Jayson Williams

Before signing me up, the Sixers' top guys met with me in a Midtown hotel in New York City. They heard I was fat, out of shape. They were worried about the broken foot, too. It was Harold Katz, then the owner, and Gene Shue, then the general manager. They wanted me to run up and down the hotel ballroom. They thought I might be damaged goods. I told 'em I understood their concerns, but I had a better idea. Instead of running up and down in a damn ballroom, why didn't I run up and down on a basketball court for them? I said, "We can go to a park by my house." They thought it was a great idea and we agreed to go on down there.

Harold and Gene didn't know it, but the park we were going to was down on the Lower East Side, right next to the school I went to, P.S. 137. And before we drove down there, I called the principal, and I told him what's happening.

So when we got to the park, he's let the whole school out early, and there's nine hundred kids in the park, surrounding the court, hanging on the chain-link fence, screaming and yelling and cheering, "Williams! Williams! Williams! Williams!."

And I'm running and dunking and jumping, up and down and up and down. I'm flying! It's like one of those bad made-for-TV movies. I mean, I'm two feet above the rim, scraping my elbows on metal. And the kids are screaming and Harold and Gene are happy about the whole thing. They're talking to each other.

"Holy smokes!" they're saying. "We got a steal with this guy!"

Harold and Gene spent the next two years watching me miss layups, stumble around, saying, "What the heck happened at that park? Was that an optical illusion or what?"

They told Charles Barkley they were confused, because they'd seen me playing about two feet above the rim.

Charlie says, "You seen who? Doing what? When?"

What Harold and Gene and Charlie didn't know is that the basket at that park is only nine feet high.


The whole book is gold

http://books.google.com/books?id=JnLMwH ... &q&f=false

Must read
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Post#27 Re: Funny NBA stories
Mon Jan 7, 2013 4:20 pm by Sedale Threatt

Another Large Penis story, relayed by a colleague of mine.

NBA reporter is in the Houston Rockets locker room in the 1980s. He spies Billy "The Whopper" Paultz walking out of the locker room. His shock registers on his face, to which Moses Malone responded, "Now you know why we call him The Whopper."
JF5 wrote:Real fans don't cry about refs.


http://wtfismikewearing.tumblr.com/
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Post#28 Re: Funny NBA stories
Mon Jan 7, 2013 4:23 pm by Sedale Threatt

Loose Balls is worth buying for the Marvin Barnes stuff alone. Once refused to get on a plane for a one-hour flight to a different time zone because it would end up landing before it took off. "I ain't getting on no time machine." Once lost a Rolls Royce because he forgot where he parked it.
JF5 wrote:Real fans don't cry about refs.


http://wtfismikewearing.tumblr.com/
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Post#29 Re: Funny NBA stories
Mon Jan 7, 2013 4:48 pm by PRESTIGE

420 wrote:
Wilford Brimley wrote:Do you guys have any funny NBA stories you've heard over the years?

This one is my favorite:

While coaching the Knicks for an abbreviated 59 games in 1995-96, Nelson told me a story involving John Starks. He said a fan approached the former Knicks guard after a game and asked him to sign a pennant for his brother. "His name is Marc. Marc with a 'C.' "

When the fan got the pennant returned, Nelson said, it read, "To Cark." Marc with a "C," get it?

Nellie delighted in telling that story, prefacing it with, "This is how stupid John Starks is." He wanted Starks traded and was prepared to give up any information that might lead to that end.


Also when Eddy Curry blamed his poor performance due to lack of sleep in a haunted hotel.
Image

Am I the only one who doesn't get it. So instead of Marc, he put a "k" at the end, and put a "C" at the beginning. If that's the whole point, I'd say it's not funny. I hope I'm wrong, sounds like it could be funny.


:-?
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Post#30 Re: Funny NBA stories
Mon Jan 7, 2013 5:03 pm by Zubby

420 wrote:
Wilford Brimley wrote:Do you guys have any funny NBA stories you've heard over the years?

This one is my favorite:

While coaching the Knicks for an abbreviated 59 games in 1995-96, Nelson told me a story involving John Starks. He said a fan approached the former Knicks guard after a game and asked him to sign a pennant for his brother. "His name is Marc. Marc with a 'C.' "

When the fan got the pennant returned, Nelson said, it read, "To Cark." Marc with a "C," get it?

Nellie delighted in telling that story, prefacing it with, "This is how stupid John Starks is." He wanted Starks traded and was prepared to give up any information that might lead to that end.


Also when Eddy Curry blamed his poor performance due to lack of sleep in a haunted hotel.
Image

Am I the only one who doesn't get it. So instead of Marc, he put a "k" at the end, and put a "C" at the beginning. If that's the whole point, I'd say it's not funny. I hope I'm wrong, sounds like it could be funny.

Yes you are the only one... quite shameful really.
Mark
Spell Mark with a C = Marc
But he was so STUPID he spelled it Cark




This thread is the best of the year so far... plz keep it going!
Jalen Rose has a ton of them on youtube.

Like how he had to get condoms for Mutombo from CVS all hours of the night.
Or How Vince Carter body slammed HC Sam Mitchell cause he was pestering him about always being injured... I wonder if Bargs would of done the same.
Jalen also apparently stole Patrick Ewings tv and still has it to this day.
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Post#31 Re: Funny NBA stories
Mon Jan 7, 2013 5:41 pm by ItsSensei

420 wrote:
Wilford Brimley wrote:Do you guys have any funny NBA stories you've heard over the years?

This one is my favorite:

While coaching the Knicks for an abbreviated 59 games in 1995-96, Nelson told me a story involving John Starks. He said a fan approached the former Knicks guard after a game and asked him to sign a pennant for his brother. "His name is Marc. Marc with a 'C.' "

When the fan got the pennant returned, Nelson said, it read, "To Cark." Marc with a "C," get it?

Nellie delighted in telling that story, prefacing it with, "This is how stupid John Starks is." He wanted Starks traded and was prepared to give up any information that might lead to that end.


Also when Eddy Curry blamed his poor performance due to lack of sleep in a haunted hotel.
Image

Am I the only one who doesn't get it. So instead of Marc, he put a "k" at the end, and put a "C" at the beginning. If that's the whole point, I'd say it's not funny. I hope I'm wrong, sounds like it could be funny.



This one's a funny non-NBA story
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Post#32 Re: Funny NBA stories
Tue Jan 8, 2013 11:36 am by mid-post

Zubby wrote:Like how he had to get condoms for Mutombo from CVS all hours of the night.

Who will sex Dikembe tonight?
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Post#33 Re: Funny NBA stories
Tue Jan 8, 2013 12:09 pm by Deus

That GM who watched Jayson Williams dunk the ball couldn't be that basketball stupid. How do you not know how high a rim is if your supposed to be a GM for a team? That's crazy.

__________

None of 6 foot 8, Rodman's teammates liked the fact that Dennis could just not seem to keep away from the booze.

Teammate Jesse James, husband of actress Sandra Bullock and a motorcyle builder who has personally built close to one million motorcycles, said that he has never seen a man drink three bottles of Jack Daniels Whiskey in one sitting as Rodman did.

Former Dallas Cowboys running back Herschel Walker, who once scored eight touchdowns in a game against the Pittsburgh Steelers, said that he once witnessed D.R. at an IHOP eat a plate of 10 pancakes and then wash them down with a six-pack of Coors Light.
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Post#34 Re: Funny NBA stories
Tue Jan 8, 2013 12:21 pm by Slava

Regular frat boys can do the 10 pancakes and 6 pack thing on a weekend basis.

The 3 bottles of JD is impressive.
g105rick wrote:LA needs changes. That means benching Kobe into a lesser role or let him retire if he has another season ending injury. Why wait another 2 losing seasons? That's extremely selfish to guys like Nash, Boozer, and others

DEEP3CL wrote:Zach Lowe is a dumbass
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Post#35 Re: Funny NBA stories
Tue Jan 8, 2013 1:32 pm by 420

Zubby wrote:
420 wrote:Am I the only one who doesn't get it. So instead of Marc, he put a "k" at the end, and put a "C" at the beginning. If that's the whole point, I'd say it's not funny. I hope I'm wrong, sounds like it could be funny.

Yes you are the only one... quite shameful really.
Mark
Spell Mark with a C = Marc
But he was so STUPID he spelled it Cark
Yeah, I got it originally, it just wasn't funny so I thought there was something I was missing...

Fat Kat wrote:
Charles Oakley and Tyrone Hill were both kicked out of a 2000 preseason game when Oakley slapped Hill in the mouth during warmups,
It turns out Hill owed Oakley $54,000 from a dice game and was slow to pay up.
Later that same season, Oakley was suspended again after throwing a basketball at Hill face during a shootaround. Hill eventually settled up, but because of his "coward move," Oakley insisted that he pay double.
LoL this is something out of the Sopranos.
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[/img]http://i.imgur.com/JQHQ0.jpg?1[/img][/img]http://i.imgur.com/hsj0N.jpg?1[/img][/img]http://i.imgur.com/ne1W1.jpg?1[/img][/img]http://i.imgur.com/4d3sD.jpg?1[/img]
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Post#36 Re: Funny NBA stories
Tue Jan 8, 2013 10:21 pm by Mk0

A gem from CSN Bay Area's Matt Steinmetz:

After the team’s noon practice, Nelson took rookie Stephen Curry, second-year shooting guard Anthony Morrow, D-League signee Anthony Tolliver and a couple coaches to Smitty’s -- a downtown Oakland bar -- for some quality time and shuffleboard.

When Nelson was asked about his “bonding session” with the players the following day, he seemed a little taken aback.

“You’re not supposed to know about that,” Nelson said.

When Nelson was told that both Morrow and Curry posted about the day’s activities on Twitter, he was a little more forthcoming.

“Actually, I was out of money and I needed some cash so I took the young guys out and shot a little shuffleboard with them in the afternoon,” Nelson said. “And took their money.”

Thursday wasn’t the first time Nelson has taken players out to play some shuffleboard to Smitty’s … a couple of years ago he corralled Baron Davis and Stephen Jackson and ventured to the Grand Avenue gathering spot for an afternoon session.
Oh that Don Nelson, what a hustler.


Was Curry even 21?
In regards to Nerlens Noel being traded on draft night for Jrue Holiday.
Ax2SG wrote:How in hell is Noel involved in a trade that neither team has a top 3 pick? What if Cleveland drafts Noel with the 1st?

EDIT: HOLY ****, I FORGOT THE DRAFT WAS TODAY GUYS
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Post#37 Re: Funny NBA stories
Wed Jan 9, 2013 1:58 am by EtchenBa

Saturday, you see, the NBA decided to spring random drug tests on four Blazers players: Greg Oden, Jerryd Bayless, Sergio Rodriguez and Joel Przybilla.

NBA players are randomly tested anywhere from four to six times a season. Usually, the tests are administered on a game day, at the team's morning shootaround. Once a player has been notified and engages in the screening process, he is not to leave the supervision of a monitor until the monitor observes him providing an adequate sample of urine.

As the players note, the event can take hours. Sometimes, having a man watch you urinate can be, well, uncomfortable. In locker room vernacular, it's called stage fright. Other times, nature just doesn't feel like calling.

The problem on Saturday was that the Blazers didn't have a morning shootaround because they arrived in Los Angeles in Saturday's early-morning hours after taking off from Portland immediately following their Friday night victory over the Lakers.

So, the tests were to be administered at the arena.

"This is the first time they have just showed up and did it,'' said Blazers athletic trainer Jay Jensen, who is handed the list of players to be tested. "Normally, they tell you ahead of time.''

For Oden, there was little drama ... for him. His monitor, on the other hand, might have a different story.
You see, Oden doesn't like to go No. 1 in the presence of other people.

"I get shy,'' he says.

So in order to provide a sample, he has to go No. 2.

"The poor guy,'' Oden said matter-of-factly. "I apologized to him.''


http://blog.oregonlive.com/behindblazer ... om_12.html

There's more stuff in there about a few of the Blazers having trouble peeing, especially Przybilla, who had trouble despite chugging 10 gatorades.
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Post#38 Re: Funny NBA stories
Wed Jan 9, 2013 5:33 pm by Record Machine

Deus wrote:Herschel Walker, who once scored eight touchdowns in a game against the Pittsburgh Steelers


lol wat :lol:
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Post#39 Re: Funny NBA stories
Wed Jan 9, 2013 6:04 pm by Turgon

A little off topic (not an NBA story):

Balotelli, the international Italian soccer star playing for Manchester City, was apparently playing Fifa 13 on his console when his girlfriend threatened she would leave if she caught him playing again (presumably instead of, you know, being with her).

His response? "Wait 8 more minutes and I'll help you pack"

This comes from his own tweet.
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Post#40 Re: Funny NBA stories
Wed Jan 9, 2013 6:14 pm by Frank Mulely

bertrob wrote:John Salley

The team was full of these characters, too. There was Carlos Rogers, Oliver Miller—people forget because of the weight thing, but the Big O could play—and Alvin Robertson. Alvin Robertson was the scariest player I ever played against. He would beat the **** out of anybody. If you told me to put together a team of all the old-timers, it would be Alvin Robertson and Sidney Moncrief—just tough dudes.


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Frank Mulely wrote:Honestly if this was the 80s

The official motto of RealGM.
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