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Funny NBA stories

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Post#16 Re: Funny NBA stories
Mon Jan 7, 2013 11:38 am by DanTown8587

Back before NBA teams had grasped the rejuvenating power of chartered airplanes, the Bulls were waiting for their luggage in Portland when Jordan slapped a hunny on the conveyor belt: I bet you my bags come out first. Jumping on the incredibly favorable odds, nine teammates happily accepted the wager. Sure enough, Jordan's bags led the rollout. He cackled with delight as he collected everyone's money.

What none of the suckers knew, and what MJ presumably never told them, was that he had bribed a baggage handler to help him out.
Cap Space and MLE is either/or, not both.
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Post#17 Re: Funny NBA stories
Mon Jan 7, 2013 11:46 am by Wreckus13

This is a great thread.
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Post#18 Re: Funny NBA stories
Mon Jan 7, 2013 12:14 pm by choppermagic

I read this story in a basketball magazine when i was a little kid. Article was about funny true basketball stories. I am hoping someone remembers it too and can help track it down.

From what i recall:

Rookie Coach got hired to his dream coaching job (it might have been a big NCAA college or NBA but i cant recall). He's very excited no doubt. One day, while taking a shower,the phone rings and his wife picks up downstairs. He yells down asking who it is. She says "It's Sports Illustrated".

Being very keen to his new coaching gig and his new found fame, he jumps out of the shower but trips down the stairs, smashing his kneecap in his rush to get to the phone. Despite his very painful injury, he picks up the phone but only hears "...so for only $1.99 an issue, you can receive...".

I never forgot that story! LOL
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Post#19 Re: Funny NBA stories
Mon Jan 7, 2013 1:16 pm by Scuall

Couldn't find the story online, so I'll have to paraphrase. I remember Steve Kerr on TV talking about training camp in '99 after the Spurs had just won the championship. Steve decided to greet the new players van which consisted of rookies and other players trying out for the team. As they come piling out, Tim Duncan walks out of the van. Kerr looked at him (the 99 Finals MVP) and said, "Tim, WE don't have to ride the van, we can drive here." Duncan replied confusingly, "Oh, we don't?"
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Post#20 Re: Funny NBA stories
Mon Jan 7, 2013 2:35 pm by suckfish

Someone get hold of the David Stern Pigs in a Blanket story please!?
DuckIII wrote:And while his Dirk-fade-away (the "McFlamingo") is a potent move, its only unguardable with Dirk due to his height advantage over virtually the entire NBA.
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Post#21 Re: Funny NBA stories
Mon Jan 7, 2013 2:59 pm by OMG Whateva ETC

Charles Oakley was dating a woman in Charlotte, NC. He called the woman’s house and LA Clipper Jeff McInnis was there. Oakley went hunting for Jeff that night, but couldn’t find him. So, the next time their two teams played, Oakley walked up to McInnis on the bench and punched him in the head before the game. Oakley blamed one of McInnis’ coaches at the time, Alvin Gentry, for telling reporters the story.


Also Oakley went looking for McInnis at the hotel were his team was staying, he waited outside of McInnis door. McInnis locked himself in the room until Oakley left.
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Post#22 Re: Funny NBA stories
Mon Jan 7, 2013 3:04 pm by boogie-reke

Man, this is an AWESOME thread. Great potential :lol:

Keep up the good job people.
“Its my 2nd year of losing and Im not trying to get used to this.I didnt want to get use to it last year.I had enough of it. Its time to turn it around”
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“Rookie or not- Im not letting anybody relax"
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Post#23 Re: Funny NBA stories
Mon Jan 7, 2013 3:10 pm by OMG Whateva ETC

Wilford Brimley wrote:Do you guys have any funny NBA stories you've heard over the years?

This one is my favorite:

While coaching the Knicks for an abbreviated 59 games in 1995-96, Nelson told me a story involving John Starks. He said a fan approached the former Knicks guard after a game and asked him to sign a pennant for his brother. "His name is Marc. Marc with a 'C.' "

When the fan got the pennant returned, Nelson said, it read, "To Cark." Marc with a "C," get it?

Nellie delighted in telling that story, prefacing it with, "This is how stupid John Starks is." He wanted Starks traded and was prepared to give up any information that might lead to that end.


Also when Eddy Curry blamed his poor performance due to lack of sleep in a haunted hotel.



Where did you find this story? Nelson and Starks had a deep deep hatred for each other starting in 1989 in Golden State then rekindled in 1995. I know Starks personally and he's not the brightest bulb but he's also not that dumb either. Plus when he signs autos for people he very rarely personalizes it, i've seen him sign for hundreds of people and i've never seen him put "To so and so" he just doesn't do that. The alcoholic Nellie may be fibbing.
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Post#24 Re: Funny NBA stories
Mon Jan 7, 2013 3:35 pm by Mk0

From a Men's Journal article on Gilbert Arenas.

when quizzed about the worst physical pain he’s experienced, Gilbert gives a cringe-worthy response. Read on, if you dare:

“When I was new in the NBA the team veterans convinced me to shave, you know, down there, because they said the hair stinks. I used my girlfriend’s razor, which was rusty and gave me keloids.”

Ouch. Unfortunately, Gilbert made his cure worse than his injury:

“The doctor prescribed medicine to dab on, but I just poured it all over. Three days later I woke up screaming. The skin was burnt off my scrotum, down to my crack, everything — just raw flesh. I still had to run and play, so I used a numbing spray for a month until it healed.

We repeat - OUCH!

Luckily, Agent Zero learned from his agonizing adventures in groin hygiene:

“Now I use clippers.”


Also in the same article he says his favorite drink is a Corona mixed with a Shirley Temple.
In regards to Nerlens Noel being traded on draft night for Jrue Holiday.
Ax2SG wrote:How in hell is Noel involved in a trade that neither team has a top 3 pick? What if Cleveland drafts Noel with the 1st?

EDIT: HOLY ****, I FORGOT THE DRAFT WAS TODAY GUYS
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Post#25 Re: Funny NBA stories
Mon Jan 7, 2013 3:47 pm by Rondo To KG

Someone posted this on the Celtics boards:

gregkitehackjob wrote:Longtime lurker who thought my boys would appreciate a little quote from the legend

Via rollingstone from the Miami Vice pink shirt himself

For some reason, however, Johnson, who co-stars in Django Unchained, was quick to debunk this rumor in a chat with Rolling Stone. “Look, I’ve seen guys with a lot bigger [penises] than me,” he said. “One time, I was in the Celtics locker room talking to Larry Bird and Kevin McHale … and there’s Dennis Johnson coming out of the showers and, dude, that’s who put the Johnson in Johnson. I mean, it must have shown on my face, because when I turned back to Larry, he looked at me and said, ‘I know, huh?’ and I was like, ‘Dude, that’s a weapon.’ ””
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Post#26 Re: Funny NBA stories
Mon Jan 7, 2013 4:06 pm by BALLINari

Dipper 13 wrote:Loose Balls: Easy Money, Hard Fouls, Cheap Laughs, and True Love in the NBA - Jayson Williams

Before signing me up, the Sixers' top guys met with me in a Midtown hotel in New York City. They heard I was fat, out of shape. They were worried about the broken foot, too. It was Harold Katz, then the owner, and Gene Shue, then the general manager. They wanted me to run up and down the hotel ballroom. They thought I might be damaged goods. I told 'em I understood their concerns, but I had a better idea. Instead of running up and down in a damn ballroom, why didn't I run up and down on a basketball court for them? I said, "We can go to a park by my house." They thought it was a great idea and we agreed to go on down there.

Harold and Gene didn't know it, but the park we were going to was down on the Lower East Side, right next to the school I went to, P.S. 137. And before we drove down there, I called the principal, and I told him what's happening.

So when we got to the park, he's let the whole school out early, and there's nine hundred kids in the park, surrounding the court, hanging on the chain-link fence, screaming and yelling and cheering, "Williams! Williams! Williams! Williams!."

And I'm running and dunking and jumping, up and down and up and down. I'm flying! It's like one of those bad made-for-TV movies. I mean, I'm two feet above the rim, scraping my elbows on metal. And the kids are screaming and Harold and Gene are happy about the whole thing. They're talking to each other.

"Holy smokes!" they're saying. "We got a steal with this guy!"

Harold and Gene spent the next two years watching me miss layups, stumble around, saying, "What the heck happened at that park? Was that an optical illusion or what?"

They told Charles Barkley they were confused, because they'd seen me playing about two feet above the rim.

Charlie says, "You seen who? Doing what? When?"

What Harold and Gene and Charlie didn't know is that the basket at that park is only nine feet high.


The whole book is gold

http://books.google.com/books?id=JnLMwH ... &q&f=false

Must read
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Post#27 Re: Funny NBA stories
Mon Jan 7, 2013 4:20 pm by Sedale Threatt

Another Large Penis story, relayed by a colleague of mine.

NBA reporter is in the Houston Rockets locker room in the 1980s. He spies Billy "The Whopper" Paultz walking out of the locker room. His shock registers on his face, to which Moses Malone responded, "Now you know why we call him The Whopper."
JF5 wrote:Real fans don't cry about refs.


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Post#28 Re: Funny NBA stories
Mon Jan 7, 2013 4:23 pm by Sedale Threatt

Loose Balls is worth buying for the Marvin Barnes stuff alone. Once refused to get on a plane for a one-hour flight to a different time zone because it would end up landing before it took off. "I ain't getting on no time machine." Once lost a Rolls Royce because he forgot where he parked it.
JF5 wrote:Real fans don't cry about refs.


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Post#29 Re: Funny NBA stories
Mon Jan 7, 2013 4:48 pm by PRESTIGE

420 wrote:
Wilford Brimley wrote:Do you guys have any funny NBA stories you've heard over the years?

This one is my favorite:

While coaching the Knicks for an abbreviated 59 games in 1995-96, Nelson told me a story involving John Starks. He said a fan approached the former Knicks guard after a game and asked him to sign a pennant for his brother. "His name is Marc. Marc with a 'C.' "

When the fan got the pennant returned, Nelson said, it read, "To Cark." Marc with a "C," get it?

Nellie delighted in telling that story, prefacing it with, "This is how stupid John Starks is." He wanted Starks traded and was prepared to give up any information that might lead to that end.


Also when Eddy Curry blamed his poor performance due to lack of sleep in a haunted hotel.
Image

Am I the only one who doesn't get it. So instead of Marc, he put a "k" at the end, and put a "C" at the beginning. If that's the whole point, I'd say it's not funny. I hope I'm wrong, sounds like it could be funny.


:-?
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Post#30 Re: Funny NBA stories
Mon Jan 7, 2013 5:03 pm by Zubby

420 wrote:
Wilford Brimley wrote:Do you guys have any funny NBA stories you've heard over the years?

This one is my favorite:

While coaching the Knicks for an abbreviated 59 games in 1995-96, Nelson told me a story involving John Starks. He said a fan approached the former Knicks guard after a game and asked him to sign a pennant for his brother. "His name is Marc. Marc with a 'C.' "

When the fan got the pennant returned, Nelson said, it read, "To Cark." Marc with a "C," get it?

Nellie delighted in telling that story, prefacing it with, "This is how stupid John Starks is." He wanted Starks traded and was prepared to give up any information that might lead to that end.


Also when Eddy Curry blamed his poor performance due to lack of sleep in a haunted hotel.
Image

Am I the only one who doesn't get it. So instead of Marc, he put a "k" at the end, and put a "C" at the beginning. If that's the whole point, I'd say it's not funny. I hope I'm wrong, sounds like it could be funny.

Yes you are the only one... quite shameful really.
Mark
Spell Mark with a C = Marc
But he was so STUPID he spelled it Cark




This thread is the best of the year so far... plz keep it going!
Jalen Rose has a ton of them on youtube.

Like how he had to get condoms for Mutombo from CVS all hours of the night.
Or How Vince Carter body slammed HC Sam Mitchell cause he was pestering him about always being injured... I wonder if Bargs would of done the same.
Jalen also apparently stole Patrick Ewings tv and still has it to this day.
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Post#31 Re: Funny NBA stories
Mon Jan 7, 2013 5:41 pm by ItsSensei

420 wrote:
Wilford Brimley wrote:Do you guys have any funny NBA stories you've heard over the years?

This one is my favorite:

While coaching the Knicks for an abbreviated 59 games in 1995-96, Nelson told me a story involving John Starks. He said a fan approached the former Knicks guard after a game and asked him to sign a pennant for his brother. "His name is Marc. Marc with a 'C.' "

When the fan got the pennant returned, Nelson said, it read, "To Cark." Marc with a "C," get it?

Nellie delighted in telling that story, prefacing it with, "This is how stupid John Starks is." He wanted Starks traded and was prepared to give up any information that might lead to that end.


Also when Eddy Curry blamed his poor performance due to lack of sleep in a haunted hotel.
Image

Am I the only one who doesn't get it. So instead of Marc, he put a "k" at the end, and put a "C" at the beginning. If that's the whole point, I'd say it's not funny. I hope I'm wrong, sounds like it could be funny.



This one's a funny non-NBA story
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Post#32 Re: Funny NBA stories
Tue Jan 8, 2013 11:36 am by mid-post

Zubby wrote:Like how he had to get condoms for Mutombo from CVS all hours of the night.

Who will sex Dikembe tonight?
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Post#33 Re: Funny NBA stories
Tue Jan 8, 2013 12:09 pm by Deus

That GM who watched Jayson Williams dunk the ball couldn't be that basketball stupid. How do you not know how high a rim is if your supposed to be a GM for a team? That's crazy.

__________

None of 6 foot 8, Rodman's teammates liked the fact that Dennis could just not seem to keep away from the booze.

Teammate Jesse James, husband of actress Sandra Bullock and a motorcyle builder who has personally built close to one million motorcycles, said that he has never seen a man drink three bottles of Jack Daniels Whiskey in one sitting as Rodman did.

Former Dallas Cowboys running back Herschel Walker, who once scored eight touchdowns in a game against the Pittsburgh Steelers, said that he once witnessed D.R. at an IHOP eat a plate of 10 pancakes and then wash them down with a six-pack of Coors Light.
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Post#34 Re: Funny NBA stories
Tue Jan 8, 2013 12:21 pm by Slava

Regular frat boys can do the 10 pancakes and 6 pack thing on a weekend basis.

The 3 bottles of JD is impressive.
g105rick wrote:LA needs changes. That means benching Kobe into a lesser role or let him retire if he has another season ending injury. Why wait another 2 losing seasons? That's extremely selfish to guys like Nash, Boozer, and others

DEEP3CL wrote:Zach Lowe is a dumbass
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Post#35 Re: Funny NBA stories
Tue Jan 8, 2013 1:32 pm by 420

Zubby wrote:
420 wrote:Am I the only one who doesn't get it. So instead of Marc, he put a "k" at the end, and put a "C" at the beginning. If that's the whole point, I'd say it's not funny. I hope I'm wrong, sounds like it could be funny.

Yes you are the only one... quite shameful really.
Mark
Spell Mark with a C = Marc
But he was so STUPID he spelled it Cark
Yeah, I got it originally, it just wasn't funny so I thought there was something I was missing...

Fat Kat wrote:
Charles Oakley and Tyrone Hill were both kicked out of a 2000 preseason game when Oakley slapped Hill in the mouth during warmups,
It turns out Hill owed Oakley $54,000 from a dice game and was slow to pay up.
Later that same season, Oakley was suspended again after throwing a basketball at Hill face during a shootaround. Hill eventually settled up, but because of his "coward move," Oakley insisted that he pay double.
LoL this is something out of the Sopranos.
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