Funny NBA stories

[DanTown8587]

Back before NBA teams had grasped the rejuvenating power of chartered airplanes, the Bulls were waiting for their luggage in Portland when Jordan slapped a hunny on the conveyor belt: I bet you my bags come out first. Jumping on the incredibly favorable odds, nine teammates happily accepted the wager. Sure enough, Jordan's bags led the rollout. He cackled with delight as he collected everyone's money.

What none of the suckers knew, and what MJ presumably never told them, was that he had bribed a baggage handler to help him out.

[Wreckus13]

This is a great thread.

[choppermagic]

I read this story in a basketball magazine when i was a little kid. Article was about funny true basketball stories. I am hoping someone remembers it too and can help track it down.

From what i recall:

Rookie Coach got hired to his dream coaching job (it might have been a big NCAA college or NBA but i cant recall). He's very excited no doubt. One day, while taking a shower,the phone rings and his wife picks up downstairs. He yells down asking who it is. She says "It's Sports Illustrated".

Being very keen to his new coaching gig and his new found fame, he jumps out of the shower but trips down the stairs, smashing his kneecap in his rush to get to the phone. Despite his very painful injury, he picks up the phone but only hears "...so for only $1.99 an issue, you can receive...".

I never forgot that story! LOL

[Scuall]

Couldn't find the story online, so I'll have to paraphrase. I remember Steve Kerr on TV talking about training camp in '99 after the Spurs had just won the championship. Steve decided to greet the new players van which consisted of rookies and other players trying out for the team. As they come piling out, Tim Duncan walks out of the van. Kerr looked at him (the 99 Finals MVP) and said, "Tim, WE don't have to ride the van, we can drive here." Duncan replied confusingly, "Oh, we don't?"

[suckfish]

Someone get hold of the David Stern Pigs in a Blanket story please!?

[OMG Whateva ETC]

Charles Oakley was dating a woman in Charlotte, NC. He called the woman’s house and LA Clipper Jeff McInnis was there. Oakley went hunting for Jeff that night, but couldn’t find him. So, the next time their two teams played, Oakley walked up to McInnis on the bench and punched him in the head before the game. Oakley blamed one of McInnis’ coaches at the time, Alvin Gentry, for telling reporters the story.


Also Oakley went looking for McInnis at the hotel were his team was staying, he waited outside of McInnis door. McInnis locked himself in the room until Oakley left.

[boogie-reke]

Man, this is an AWESOME thread. Great potential

Keep up the good job people.

[OMG Whateva ETC]

Do you guys have any funny NBA stories you've heard over the years?

This one is my favorite:

While coaching the Knicks for an abbreviated 59 games in 1995-96, Nelson told me a story involving John Starks. He said a fan approached the former Knicks guard after a game and asked him to sign a pennant for his brother. "His name is Marc. Marc with a 'C.' "

When the fan got the pennant returned, Nelson said, it read, "To Cark." Marc with a "C," get it?

Nellie delighted in telling that story, prefacing it with, "This is how stupid John Starks is." He wanted Starks traded and was prepared to give up any information that might lead to that end.

Also when Eddy Curry blamed his poor performance due to lack of sleep in a haunted hotel.

Where did you find this story? Nelson and Starks had a deep deep hatred for each other starting in 1989 in Golden State then rekindled in 1995. I know Starks personally and he's not the brightest bulb but he's also not that dumb either. Plus when he signs autos for people he very rarely personalizes it, i've seen him sign for hundreds of people and i've never seen him put "To so and so" he just doesn't do that. The alcoholic Nellie may be fibbing.

[Mk0]

From a Men's Journal article on Gilbert Arenas.

when quizzed about the worst physical pain he’s experienced, Gilbert gives a cringe-worthy response. Read on, if you dare:

“When I was new in the NBA the team veterans convinced me to shave, you know, down there, because they said the hair stinks. I used my girlfriend’s razor, which was rusty and gave me keloids.�

Ouch. Unfortunately, Gilbert made his cure worse than his injury:

“The doctor prescribed medicine to dab on, but I just poured it all over. Three days later I woke up screaming. The skin was burnt off my scrotum, down to my crack, everything — just raw flesh. I still had to run and play, so I used a numbing spray for a month until it healed.

We repeat - OUCH!

Luckily, Agent Zero learned from his agonizing adventures in groin hygiene:

“Now I use clippers.�

Also in the same article he says his favorite drink is a Corona mixed with a Shirley Temple.

[Rondo To KG]

Someone posted this on the Celtics boards:

Longtime lurker who thought my boys would appreciate a little quote from the legend

Via rollingstone from the Miami Vice pink shirt himself

For some reason, however, Johnson, who co-stars in Django Unchained, was quick to debunk this rumor in a chat with Rolling Stone. “Look, I’ve seen guys with a lot bigger [penises] than me,� he said. “One time, I was in the Celtics locker room talking to Larry Bird and Kevin McHale … and there’s Dennis Johnson coming out of the showers and, dude, that’s who put the Johnson in Johnson. I mean, it must have shown on my face, because when I turned back to Larry, he looked at me and said, ‘I know, huh?’ and I was like, ‘Dude, that’s a weapon.’ ��

[BALLINari]

Loose Balls: Easy Money, Hard Fouls, Cheap Laughs, and True Love in the NBA - Jayson Williams

Before signing me up, the Sixers' top guys met with me in a Midtown hotel in New York City. They heard I was fat, out of shape. They were worried about the broken foot, too. It was Harold Katz, then the owner, and Gene Shue, then the general manager. They wanted me to run up and down the hotel ballroom. They thought I might be damaged goods. I told 'em I understood their concerns, but I had a better idea. Instead of running up and down in a damn ballroom, why didn't I run up and down on a basketball court for them? I said, "We can go to a park by my house." They thought it was a great idea and we agreed to go on down there.

Harold and Gene didn't know it, but the park we were going to was down on the Lower East Side, right next to the school I went to, P.S. 137. And before we drove down there, I called the principal, and I told him what's happening.

So when we got to the park, he's let the whole school out early, and there's nine hundred kids in the park, surrounding the court, hanging on the chain-link fence, screaming and yelling and cheering, "Williams! Williams! Williams! Williams!."

And I'm running and dunking and jumping, up and down and up and down. I'm flying! It's like one of those bad made-for-TV movies. I mean, I'm two feet above the rim, scraping my elbows on metal. And the kids are screaming and Harold and Gene are happy about the whole thing. They're talking to each other.

"Holy smokes!" they're saying. "We got a steal with this guy!"

Harold and Gene spent the next two years watching me miss layups, stumble around, saying, "What the heck happened at that park? Was that an optical illusion or what?"

They told Charles Barkley they were confused, because they'd seen me playing about two feet above the rim.

Charlie says, "You seen who? Doing what? When?"

What Harold and Gene and Charlie didn't know is that the basket at that park is only nine feet high.

The whole book is gold

http://books.google.com/books?id=JnLMwH ... &q&f=false

Must read

[Sedale Threatt]

Another Large Penis story, relayed by a colleague of mine.

NBA reporter is in the Houston Rockets locker room in the 1980s. He spies Billy "The Whopper" Paultz walking out of the locker room. His shock registers on his face, to which Moses Malone responded, "Now you know why we call him The Whopper."

[Sedale Threatt]

Loose Balls is worth buying for the Marvin Barnes stuff alone. Once refused to get on a plane for a one-hour flight to a different time zone because it would end up landing before it took off. "I ain't getting on no time machine." Once lost a Rolls Royce because he forgot where he parked it.

[PRESTIGE]

Do you guys have any funny NBA stories you've heard over the years?

This one is my favorite:

While coaching the Knicks for an abbreviated 59 games in 1995-96, Nelson told me a story involving John Starks. He said a fan approached the former Knicks guard after a game and asked him to sign a pennant for his brother. "His name is Marc. Marc with a 'C.' "

When the fan got the pennant returned, Nelson said, it read, "To Cark." Marc with a "C," get it?

Nellie delighted in telling that story, prefacing it with, "This is how stupid John Starks is." He wanted Starks traded and was prepared to give up any information that might lead to that end.

Also when Eddy Curry blamed his poor performance due to lack of sleep in a haunted hotel.

Am I the only one who doesn't get it. So instead of Marc, he put a "k" at the end, and put a "C" at the beginning. If that's the whole point, I'd say it's not funny. I hope I'm wrong, sounds like it could be funny.

[Zubby]

Do you guys have any funny NBA stories you've heard over the years?

This one is my favorite:

While coaching the Knicks for an abbreviated 59 games in 1995-96, Nelson told me a story involving John Starks. He said a fan approached the former Knicks guard after a game and asked him to sign a pennant for his brother. "His name is Marc. Marc with a 'C.' "

When the fan got the pennant returned, Nelson said, it read, "To Cark." Marc with a "C," get it?

Nellie delighted in telling that story, prefacing it with, "This is how stupid John Starks is." He wanted Starks traded and was prepared to give up any information that might lead to that end.

Also when Eddy Curry blamed his poor performance due to lack of sleep in a haunted hotel.

Am I the only one who doesn't get it. So instead of Marc, he put a "k" at the end, and put a "C" at the beginning. If that's the whole point, I'd say it's not funny. I hope I'm wrong, sounds like it could be funny.

Yes you are the only one... quite shameful really.
Mark
Spell Mark with a C = Marc
But he was so STUPID he spelled it Cark




This thread is the best of the year so far... plz keep it going!
Jalen Rose has a ton of them on youtube.

Like how he had to get condoms for Mutombo from CVS all hours of the night.
Or How Vince Carter body slammed HC Sam Mitchell cause he was pestering him about always being injured... I wonder if Bargs would of done the same.
Jalen also apparently stole Patrick Ewings tv and still has it to this day.