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Wilford Brimley wrote:Do you guys have any funny NBA stories you've heard over the years?

This one is my favorite:

While coaching the Knicks for an abbreviated 59 games in 1995-96, Nelson told me a story involving John Starks. He said a fan approached the former Knicks guard after a game and asked him to sign a pennant for his brother. "His name is Marc. Marc with a 'C.' "

When the fan got the pennant returned, Nelson said, it read, "To Cark." Marc with a "C," get it?

Nellie delighted in telling that story, prefacing it with, "This is how stupid John Starks is." He wanted Starks traded and was prepared to give up any information that might lead to that end.

Also when Eddy Curry blamed his poor performance due to lack of sleep in a haunted hotel.

when quizzed about the worst physical pain he’s experienced, Gilbert gives a cringe-worthy response. Read on, if you dare:

“When I was new in the NBA the team veterans convinced me to shave, you know, down there, because they said the hair stinks. I used my girlfriend’s razor, which was rusty and gave me keloids.”

Ouch. Unfortunately, Gilbert made his cure worse than his injury:

“The doctor prescribed medicine to dab on, but I just poured it all over. Three days later I woke up screaming. The skin was burnt off my scrotum, down to my crack, everything — just raw flesh. I still had to run and play, so I used a numbing spray for a month until it healed.

We repeat - OUCH!

Luckily, Agent Zero learned from his agonizing adventures in groin hygiene:

“Now I use clippers.”

gregkitehackjob wrote:Longtime lurker who thought my boys would appreciate a little quote from the legend

Via rollingstone from the Miami Vice pink shirt himself

For some reason, however, Johnson, who co-stars in Django Unchained, was quick to debunk this rumor in a chat with Rolling Stone. “Look, I’ve seen guys with a lot bigger [penises] than me,” he said. “One time, I was in the Celtics locker room talking to Larry Bird and Kevin McHale … and there’s Dennis Johnson coming out of the showers and, dude, that’s who put the Johnson in Johnson. I mean, it must have shown on my face, because when I turned back to Larry, he looked at me and said, ‘I know, huh?’ and I was like, ‘Dude, that’s a weapon.’ ””

Dipper 13 wrote:Loose Balls: Easy Money, Hard Fouls, Cheap Laughs, and True Love in the NBA - Jayson Williams

Before signing me up, the Sixers' top guys met with me in a Midtown hotel in New York City. They heard I was fat, out of shape. They were worried about the broken foot, too. It was Harold Katz, then the owner, and Gene Shue, then the general manager. They wanted me to run up and down the hotel ballroom. They thought I might be damaged goods. I told 'em I understood their concerns, but I had a better idea. Instead of running up and down in a damn ballroom, why didn't I run up and down on a basketball court for them? I said, "We can go to a park by my house." They thought it was a great idea and we agreed to go on down there.

Harold and Gene didn't know it, but the park we were going to was down on the Lower East Side, right next to the school I went to, P.S. 137. And before we drove down there, I called the principal, and I told him what's happening.

So when we got to the park, he's let the whole school out early, and there's nine hundred kids in the park, surrounding the court, hanging on the chain-link fence, screaming and yelling and cheering, "Williams! Williams! Williams! Williams!."

And I'm running and dunking and jumping, up and down and up and down. I'm flying! It's like one of those bad made-for-TV movies. I mean, I'm two feet above the rim, scraping my elbows on metal. And the kids are screaming and Harold and Gene are happy about the whole thing. They're talking to each other.

"Holy smokes!" they're saying. "We got a steal with this guy!"

Harold and Gene spent the next two years watching me miss layups, stumble around, saying, "What the heck happened at that park? Was that an optical illusion or what?"

They told Charles Barkley they were confused, because they'd seen me playing about two feet above the rim.

Charlie says, "You seen who? Doing what? When?"

What Harold and Gene and Charlie didn't know is that the basket at that park is only nine feet high.

420 wrote:

Wilford Brimley wrote:Do you guys have any funny NBA stories you've heard over the years?

This one is my favorite:

While coaching the Knicks for an abbreviated 59 games in 1995-96, Nelson told me a story involving John Starks. He said a fan approached the former Knicks guard after a game and asked him to sign a pennant for his brother. "His name is Marc. Marc with a 'C.' "

When the fan got the pennant returned, Nelson said, it read, "To Cark." Marc with a "C," get it?

Nellie delighted in telling that story, prefacing it with, "This is how stupid John Starks is." He wanted Starks traded and was prepared to give up any information that might lead to that end.

Also when Eddy Curry blamed his poor performance due to lack of sleep in a haunted hotel.

Am I the only one who doesn't get it. So instead of Marc, he put a "k" at the end, and put a "C" at the beginning. If that's the whole point, I'd say it's not funny. I hope I'm wrong, sounds like it could be funny.

420 wrote:

Wilford Brimley wrote:Do you guys have any funny NBA stories you've heard over the years?

This one is my favorite:

While coaching the Knicks for an abbreviated 59 games in 1995-96, Nelson told me a story involving John Starks. He said a fan approached the former Knicks guard after a game and asked him to sign a pennant for his brother. "His name is Marc. Marc with a 'C.' "

When the fan got the pennant returned, Nelson said, it read, "To Cark." Marc with a "C," get it?

Nellie delighted in telling that story, prefacing it with, "This is how stupid John Starks is." He wanted Starks traded and was prepared to give up any information that might lead to that end.

Also when Eddy Curry blamed his poor performance due to lack of sleep in a haunted hotel.

Am I the only one who doesn't get it. So instead of Marc, he put a "k" at the end, and put a "C" at the beginning. If that's the whole point, I'd say it's not funny. I hope I'm wrong, sounds like it could be funny.

420 wrote:

Wilford Brimley wrote:Do you guys have any funny NBA stories you've heard over the years?

This one is my favorite:

While coaching the Knicks for an abbreviated 59 games in 1995-96, Nelson told me a story involving John Starks. He said a fan approached the former Knicks guard after a game and asked him to sign a pennant for his brother. "His name is Marc. Marc with a 'C.' "

When the fan got the pennant returned, Nelson said, it read, "To Cark." Marc with a "C," get it?

Nellie delighted in telling that story, prefacing it with, "This is how stupid John Starks is." He wanted Starks traded and was prepared to give up any information that might lead to that end.

Also when Eddy Curry blamed his poor performance due to lack of sleep in a haunted hotel.

Am I the only one who doesn't get it. So instead of Marc, he put a "k" at the end, and put a "C" at the beginning. If that's the whole point, I'd say it's not funny. I hope I'm wrong, sounds like it could be funny.

Zubby wrote:Like how he had to get condoms for Mutombo from CVS all hours of the night.

Zubby wrote:

420 wrote:Am I the only one who doesn't get it. So instead of Marc, he put a "k" at the end, and put a "C" at the beginning. If that's the whole point, I'd say it's not funny. I hope I'm wrong, sounds like it could be funny.

Yes you are the only one... quite shameful really.
Mark
Spell Mark with a C = Marc
But he was so STUPID he spelled it Cark

Fat Kat wrote:

Charles Oakley and Tyrone Hill were both kicked out of a 2000 preseason game when Oakley slapped Hill in the mouth during warmups,
It turns out Hill owed Oakley $54,000 from a dice game and was slow to pay up.
Later that same season, Oakley was suspended again after throwing a basketball at Hill face during a shootaround. Hill eventually settled up, but because of his "coward move," Oakley insisted that he pay double.

After the team’s noon practice, Nelson took rookie Stephen Curry, second-year shooting guard Anthony Morrow, D-League signee Anthony Tolliver and a couple coaches to Smitty’s -- a downtown Oakland bar -- for some quality time and shuffleboard.

When Nelson was asked about his “bonding session” with the players the following day, he seemed a little taken aback.

“You’re not supposed to know about that,” Nelson said.

When Nelson was told that both Morrow and Curry posted about the day’s activities on Twitter, he was a little more forthcoming.

“Actually, I was out of money and I needed some cash so I took the young guys out and shot a little shuffleboard with them in the afternoon,” Nelson said. “And took their money.”

Thursday wasn’t the first time Nelson has taken players out to play some shuffleboard to Smitty’s … a couple of years ago he corralled Baron Davis and Stephen Jackson and ventured to the Grand Avenue gathering spot for an afternoon session.
Oh that Don Nelson, what a hustler.

Saturday, you see, the NBA decided to spring random drug tests on four Blazers players: Greg Oden, Jerryd Bayless, Sergio Rodriguez and Joel Przybilla.

NBA players are randomly tested anywhere from four to six times a season. Usually, the tests are administered on a game day, at the team's morning shootaround. Once a player has been notified and engages in the screening process, he is not to leave the supervision of a monitor until the monitor observes him providing an adequate sample of urine.

As the players note, the event can take hours. Sometimes, having a man watch you urinate can be, well, uncomfortable. In locker room vernacular, it's called stage fright. Other times, nature just doesn't feel like calling.

The problem on Saturday was that the Blazers didn't have a morning shootaround because they arrived in Los Angeles in Saturday's early-morning hours after taking off from Portland immediately following their Friday night victory over the Lakers.

So, the tests were to be administered at the arena.

"This is the first time they have just showed up and did it,'' said Blazers athletic trainer Jay Jensen, who is handed the list of players to be tested. "Normally, they tell you ahead of time.''

For Oden, there was little drama ... for him. His monitor, on the other hand, might have a different story.
You see, Oden doesn't like to go No. 1 in the presence of other people.

"I get shy,'' he says.

So in order to provide a sample, he has to go No. 2.

"The poor guy,'' Oden said matter-of-factly. "I apologized to him.''

Deus wrote:Herschel Walker, who once scored eight touchdowns in a game against the Pittsburgh Steelers

bertrob wrote:John Salley

The team was full of these characters, too. There was Carlos Rogers, Oliver Miller—people forget because of the weight thing, but the Big O could play—and Alvin Robertson. Alvin Robertson was the scariest player I ever played against. He would beat the **** out of anybody. If you told me to put together a team of all the old-timers, it would be Alvin Robertson and Sidney Moncrief—just tough dudes.