Funny NBA stories

[ItsSensei]

Do you guys have any funny NBA stories you've heard over the years?

This one is my favorite:

While coaching the Knicks for an abbreviated 59 games in 1995-96, Nelson told me a story involving John Starks. He said a fan approached the former Knicks guard after a game and asked him to sign a pennant for his brother. "His name is Marc. Marc with a 'C.' "

When the fan got the pennant returned, Nelson said, it read, "To Cark." Marc with a "C," get it?

Nellie delighted in telling that story, prefacing it with, "This is how stupid John Starks is." He wanted Starks traded and was prepared to give up any information that might lead to that end.

Also when Eddy Curry blamed his poor performance due to lack of sleep in a haunted hotel.

Am I the only one who doesn't get it. So instead of Marc, he put a "k" at the end, and put a "C" at the beginning. If that's the whole point, I'd say it's not funny. I hope I'm wrong, sounds like it could be funny.

This one's a funny non-NBA story

[mid-post]

Like how he had to get condoms for Mutombo from CVS all hours of the night.

Who will sex Dikembe tonight?

[Deus]

That GM who watched Jayson Williams dunk the ball couldn't be that basketball stupid. How do you not know how high a rim is if your supposed to be a GM for a team? That's crazy.

__________

None of 6 foot 8, Rodman's teammates liked the fact that Dennis could just not seem to keep away from the booze.

Teammate Jesse James, husband of actress Sandra Bullock and a motorcyle builder who has personally built close to one million motorcycles, said that he has never seen a man drink three bottles of Jack Daniels Whiskey in one sitting as Rodman did.

Former Dallas Cowboys running back Herschel Walker, who once scored eight touchdowns in a game against the Pittsburgh Steelers, said that he once witnessed D.R. at an IHOP eat a plate of 10 pancakes and then wash them down with a six-pack of Coors Light.

[Slava]

Regular frat boys can do the 10 pancakes and 6 pack thing on a weekend basis.

The 3 bottles of JD is impressive.

[420]

Am I the only one who doesn't get it. So instead of Marc, he put a "k" at the end, and put a "C" at the beginning. If that's the whole point, I'd say it's not funny. I hope I'm wrong, sounds like it could be funny.

Yes you are the only one... quite shameful really.
Mark
Spell Mark with a C = Marc
But he was so STUPID he spelled it Cark

Yeah, I got it originally, it just wasn't funny so I thought there was something I was missing...

Charles Oakley and Tyrone Hill were both kicked out of a 2000 preseason game when Oakley slapped Hill in the mouth during warmups,
It turns out Hill owed Oakley $54,000 from a dice game and was slow to pay up.
Later that same season, Oakley was suspended again after throwing a basketball at Hill face during a shootaround. Hill eventually settled up, but because of his "coward move," Oakley insisted that he pay double.

LoL this is something out of the Sopranos.

[Mk0]

A gem from CSN Bay Area's Matt Steinmetz:

After the team’s noon practice, Nelson took rookie Stephen Curry, second-year shooting guard Anthony Morrow, D-League signee Anthony Tolliver and a couple coaches to Smitty’s -- a downtown Oakland bar -- for some quality time and shuffleboard.

When Nelson was asked about his “bonding session” with the players the following day, he seemed a little taken aback.

“You’re not supposed to know about that,” Nelson said.

When Nelson was told that both Morrow and Curry posted about the day’s activities on Twitter, he was a little more forthcoming.

“Actually, I was out of money and I needed some cash so I took the young guys out and shot a little shuffleboard with them in the afternoon,” Nelson said. “And took their money.”

Thursday wasn’t the first time Nelson has taken players out to play some shuffleboard to Smitty’s … a couple of years ago he corralled Baron Davis and Stephen Jackson and ventured to the Grand Avenue gathering spot for an afternoon session.
Oh that Don Nelson, what a hustler.

Was Curry even 21?

[EtchenBa]

Saturday, you see, the NBA decided to spring random drug tests on four Blazers players: Greg Oden, Jerryd Bayless, Sergio Rodriguez and Joel Przybilla.

NBA players are randomly tested anywhere from four to six times a season. Usually, the tests are administered on a game day, at the team's morning shootaround. Once a player has been notified and engages in the screening process, he is not to leave the supervision of a monitor until the monitor observes him providing an adequate sample of urine.

As the players note, the event can take hours. Sometimes, having a man watch you urinate can be, well, uncomfortable. In locker room vernacular, it's called stage fright. Other times, nature just doesn't feel like calling.

The problem on Saturday was that the Blazers didn't have a morning shootaround because they arrived in Los Angeles in Saturday's early-morning hours after taking off from Portland immediately following their Friday night victory over the Lakers.

So, the tests were to be administered at the arena.

"This is the first time they have just showed up and did it,'' said Blazers athletic trainer Jay Jensen, who is handed the list of players to be tested. "Normally, they tell you ahead of time.''

For Oden, there was little drama ... for him. His monitor, on the other hand, might have a different story.
You see, Oden doesn't like to go No. 1 in the presence of other people.

"I get shy,'' he says.

So in order to provide a sample, he has to go No. 2.

"The poor guy,'' Oden said matter-of-factly. "I apologized to him.''

http://blog.oregonlive.com/behindblazer ... om_12.html

There's more stuff in there about a few of the Blazers having trouble peeing, especially Przybilla, who had trouble despite chugging 10 gatorades.

[Record Machine]

Herschel Walker, who once scored eight touchdowns in a game against the Pittsburgh Steelers

lol wat

[Turgon]

A little off topic (not an NBA story):

Balotelli, the international Italian soccer star playing for Manchester City, was apparently playing Fifa 13 on his console when his girlfriend threatened she would leave if she caught him playing again (presumably instead of, you know, being with her).

His response? "Wait 8 more minutes and I'll help you pack"

This comes from his own tweet.

[Frank Mulely]

John Salley

The team was full of these characters, too. There was Carlos Rogers, Oliver Miller—people forget because of the weight thing, but the Big O could play—and Alvin Robertson. Alvin Robertson was the scariest player I ever played against. He would beat the **** out of anybody. If you told me to put together a team of all the old-timers, it would be Alvin Robertson and Sidney Moncrief—just tough dudes.

[Frank Mulely]

Another Large Penis story, relayed by a colleague of mine.

NBA reporter is in the Houston Rockets locker room in the 1980s. He spies Billy "The Whopper" Paultz walking out of the locker room. His shock registers on his face, to which Moses Malone responded, "Now you know why we call him The Whopper."

this story is even better when you think about how it would sound in moses' actual voice

[Frank Mulely]

Loose Balls is worth buying for the Marvin Barnes stuff alone. Once refused to get on a plane for a one-hour flight to a different time zone because it would end up landing before it took off. "I ain't getting on no time machine." Once lost a Rolls Royce because he forgot where he parked it.

barnes is a trip. from his wikipedia entry:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marvin_Barnes

His nickname, "Bad News", came from his frequent off-court problems. These began when he was a senior at Central High School. He was part of a gang that attempted to rob a bank. He was quickly identified as he was wearing his state championship jacket with his name embroidered on the back.

[Ronito]

3 pages and not a single mention of Jerry Stackhouse?

http://dimemag.com/2012/08/the-top-5-ti ... -player/4/

Basically, it's the KG vs. Melo situation with the elbows.

“[after a game against Utah] Stackhouse tells [Kirk Snyder], “I’m going to kick your ass,” but the kid doesn’t think anything about it. Game’s over, Stackhouse, who dresses all GQ, goes to the equipment manager and asks for a warm-up suit, puts that on, goes out into the tunnel, sees Snyder, kicks his ass with a couple of punches, goes back into the locker room, returns the warm-up and puts on a nice blue suit. All in a day’s work.”

That's hilarious to me.

[nykballa2k4]

John Salley

The team was full of these characters, too. There was Carlos Rogers, Oliver Miller—people forget because of the weight thing, but the Big O could play—and Alvin Robertson. Alvin Robertson was the scariest player I ever played against. He would beat the **** out of anybody. If you told me to put together a team of all the old-timers, it would be Alvin Robertson and Sidney Moncrief—just tough dudes.

OT: That man MUST be in some way related to Carter/TMac.

[JasonStern]

from http://www.thebiglead.com/index.php/2008/04/07/an-interview-with-the-oregonians-john-canzano/:

Blazers back-up centers Ha Seung Jin and Nedzad Sinanovic were locked in the Blazers practice facility together for the summer, playing against each other because they needed the work. ... they’re yapping and cussing at each other, most of which neither can understand because of the language differences. ... the two players were shooting free throws together in silence. ...

Sinanovic made his final free throw, then retrieved the basketball and held it. I mean, it was like watching kids bicker and fight. Ha walked over and snatched the ball back. Then, Sinanovic said something unkind and two men ended up on the ground in a pile of swinging elbows and fists.

The fight was broken up by Blazers trainers and team managers, who are all about two feet shorter than the two players. Ha, who took a good punch in the face from Ned, was screaming, “I’ll sue! I’ll sue!”

Normally the story would end here. Except Ha’s neutral corner happened to be the team weight room. He picks up one of those long wooden poles that players use to stretch. Ha just comes running out of the weight room swinging the pole and screaming expletives in Korean. He really went after Sinanovic, who blocked one swing with his forearm but took another shot in the ribs before someone ripped the pole (think: closet dowel) from Ha’s hands and threw it across the courts.

[Frank Mulely]

this thread cannot be allowed to die

[crosko42]

this thread cannot be allowed to die

So damn funny.

Just googling other stories now.

[FadeawayProdigy]

Up. One of the best threads I've read here in RealGm.

[Beard]

Marvin Barnes is quite possibily the Basketball History GOAT for ridiculousness.

[Bandwagon1]

SUIT: WOLVES PLAYER WATCHED PORN, CAUSED CRASH

(WCCO) Minneapolis – On March 30, Minnesota Timberwolves center Eddie Griffin* was drunk and masturbating when he crashed his luxury SUV into a parked Suburban outside a store in Minneapolis, according to a lawsuit filed Thursday by the man whose Suburban was hit in the crash.The WCCO-TV I-TEAM obtained copies of 911 calls and store surveillance video of the incident, along with an accident report the police submitted to the state.

Several of the 911 callers that night said Griffin was drunk. One witness said Griffin told him he was watching pornography in a DVD player mounted on the dashboard of his Cadillac Escalade SUV when he struck a Chevy Suburban parked on University Avenue Southeast. The location where Griffin crashed is located a couple miles from the Target Center where Griffin had played with his team several hours earlier.