Funny NBA stories

Moderators: Domejandro, infinite11285, Harry Garris, ken6199, Dirk, bisme37, KingDavid, bwgood77, zimpy27, cupcakesnake

Wilford Brimley
Banned User
Posts: 13,477
And1: 81
Joined: Dec 16, 2006
Location: Super Bowl I, II, XXXI, XLV Champions

Funny NBA stories 

Post#1 » by Wilford Brimley » Mon Jan 7, 2013 4:19 am

Do you guys have any funny NBA stories you've heard over the years?

This one is my favorite:

While coaching the Knicks for an abbreviated 59 games in 1995-96, Nelson told me a story involving John Starks. He said a fan approached the former Knicks guard after a game and asked him to sign a pennant for his brother. "His name is Marc. Marc with a 'C.' "

When the fan got the pennant returned, Nelson said, it read, "To Cark." Marc with a "C," get it?

Nellie delighted in telling that story, prefacing it with, "This is how stupid John Starks is." He wanted Starks traded and was prepared to give up any information that might lead to that end.


Also when Eddy Curry blamed his poor performance due to lack of sleep in a haunted hotel.
User avatar
Mr. E
Retired Mod
Retired Mod
Posts: 18,291
And1: 6,510
Joined: Apr 15, 2006
Location: Defending Planet Earth with a Jet-Pack & a Ray-Gun!
       

Re: Funny NBA stories 

Post#2 » by Mr. E » Mon Jan 7, 2013 4:23 am

Bill Simmons recounting a tale of one of my favorite players of all time:

These anecdotes just bounce off people now. Artest is a benevolent crazy. Or so we think. Being around this nuttiness every day is a little different from merely hearing about the nuttiness in secondhand anecdotes. I know for a fact he routinely broke plays on offense and is still a handful behind the scenes, and the Rockets buried every 2008-09 story that would have made this patently clear. For instance, Artest routinely walked around in his underwear in public places: the Rockets’ team bus, hotels, you name it. People around the team barely flinched after a while. Before Game 7 of the Lakers series — only the biggest game of the entire season — they finally flinched.

Here’s what happened: Artest missed the first two team buses (the ones for players, coaches and team personnel) from Houston’s hotel to the Staples Center and barely made the third and final bus, which was reserved for business staff, sponsors and friends of the team. These stunned people watched Artest sprint to the bus right before it left, jump on and take one of the remaining seats … yes, wearing only his underwear. Owner Leslie Alexander happened to be sitting on the bus and witnessed the whole thing. And you wonder why the Houston Rockets didn’t make any effort whatsoever to bring back Artest.


I gave Peace a chance, but he'll always be Ron Ron to me! :lol:
"A fanatic is one who can't change their mind and won't change the subject."
- Winston Churchill
KyletheDingbat
Veteran
Posts: 2,737
And1: 1,654
Joined: Jun 15, 2010

Re: Funny NBA stories 

Post#3 » by KyletheDingbat » Mon Jan 7, 2013 4:34 am

I heard Shaq punched Kobe in the face in the 2004 Finals. Reliable source /Chris Broussard. It was at half time of one of the games, don't know which.

Also what was that story about Ben Gordon cooking frozen pizzas right on the stove without a pan? "What are you doing Ben?" "Cookin' sut'in" Thought that was kinda funny. Or the Darius Miles quote after hearing about a $300,000 fine: "It would take my mom a whole year to make that".

I like stupid NBA player stories.
Wilford Brimley
Banned User
Posts: 13,477
And1: 81
Joined: Dec 16, 2006
Location: Super Bowl I, II, XXXI, XLV Champions

Re: Funny NBA stories 

Post#4 » by Wilford Brimley » Mon Jan 7, 2013 5:27 am

PORTLAND, Ore. -- Portland Trail Blazers forward Qyntel Woods pleaded no contest Wednesday to marijuana charges stemming from a traffic stop last year, according to court records.

Woods was cited last March 29 when he was stopped for speeding. He reportedly offered only his basketball trading card and two credit cards as identification.
User avatar
Renkz
Pro Prospect
Posts: 802
And1: 132
Joined: Dec 30, 2011

Re: Funny NBA stories 

Post#5 » by Renkz » Mon Jan 7, 2013 5:32 am

There were other incidents with Arenas, too. According to him, Blatche once threw his clothes in a Jacuzzi, accusing Arenas of cutting up his suit. Arenas denied the suit-cutting because he wasn’t in the building and insists it was another Wizards teammate. But Arenas was OK with playing that game. He got payback with Blatche’s shoes.

“It was just dog doo-doo in it. It was really dog doo-doo. … I took his sole out, threw it under there, put the sole back on and threw the baby powder on there so he couldn’t smell it,” Arenas said.
User avatar
Bertrob
RealGM
Posts: 27,386
And1: 8,821
Joined: Sep 08, 2011
Location: Boognish

Re: Funny NBA stories 

Post#6 » by Bertrob » Mon Jan 7, 2013 6:07 am

John Salley

So, we open the door, and Isiah asks B.J. what he thinks. Now, B.J. and Isiah are both from Chicago, got the same tone, and B.J. says: "Thanks, I appreciate it, Zeke, but you gotta get me outta here. I can't play here." So he works a deal and gets rid of B.J.

So, Isiah goes to to me, "Hey, Sal, what are you thinking?"

I'm like, B.J. knows something I don't know. I need to get out of here, too. So I tell him, "Hey, if you can hook it up, I'd love to leave."

But Zeke is like, "Well, there's three things with that. Orlando wants to give me Anthony Avent and this other white player [Brooks Thompson or Jeff Turner]. I'm not doing that."

And I'm thinking, "C'mon, I wanna play with Shaq and Penny! I won't even play, just get a check and sit in the sun. C'mon, man."

And he tells me: "Chicago wants to give you a gig, but they've got Dennis Rodman and James Edwards. And you know Detroit wants you back, but you know I'm not negotiating with them. Listen. This is going to be a great place for you."

I'm looking at him like, please, please, massa, let me go. And he doesn't trade me. He's got three offers for me, and he still won't trade me.

But he says that Toronto's going to be a spot. That I'll be able to own the town. I buy into it.

I had no idea what I was getting into. Every day in the newspaper was a full page explaining a referee's call. They had to explain basketball to these people.

The team was full of these characters, too. There was Carlos Rogers, Oliver Miller—people forget because of the weight thing, but the Big O could play—and Alvin Robertson. Alvin Robertson was the scariest player I ever played against. He would beat the **** out of anybody. If you told me to put together a team of all the old-timers, it would be Alvin Robertson and Sidney Moncrief—just tough dudes.

Now, Alvin Robertson gets arrested the night before our first game for kicking a naked prostitute out of his hotel room after deciding he didn't want to pay. He gets bailed out the next day at like 3 in the afternoon and our game is at 7. He goes out and leads the team in scoring and we win the first game. That's when I knew that season was going to be weird.
420
Banned User
Posts: 4,059
And1: 536
Joined: Jul 06, 2012

Re: Funny NBA stories 

Post#7 » by 420 » Mon Jan 7, 2013 6:10 am

Wilford Brimley wrote:Do you guys have any funny NBA stories you've heard over the years?

This one is my favorite:

While coaching the Knicks for an abbreviated 59 games in 1995-96, Nelson told me a story involving John Starks. He said a fan approached the former Knicks guard after a game and asked him to sign a pennant for his brother. "His name is Marc. Marc with a 'C.' "

When the fan got the pennant returned, Nelson said, it read, "To Cark." Marc with a "C," get it?

Nellie delighted in telling that story, prefacing it with, "This is how stupid John Starks is." He wanted Starks traded and was prepared to give up any information that might lead to that end.


Also when Eddy Curry blamed his poor performance due to lack of sleep in a haunted hotel.
Image

Am I the only one who doesn't get it. So instead of Marc, he put a "k" at the end, and put a "C" at the beginning. If that's the whole point, I'd say it's not funny. I hope I'm wrong, sounds like it could be funny.
User avatar
Dipper 13
Starter
Posts: 2,276
And1: 1,427
Joined: Aug 23, 2010

Re: Funny NBA stories 

Post#8 » by Dipper 13 » Mon Jan 7, 2013 1:50 pm

Loose Balls: Easy Money, Hard Fouls, Cheap Laughs, and True Love in the NBA - Jayson Williams

Before signing me up, the Sixers' top guys met with me in a Midtown hotel in New York City. They heard I was fat, out of shape. They were worried about the broken foot, too. It was Harold Katz, then the owner, and Gene Shue, then the general manager. They wanted me to run up and down the hotel ballroom. They thought I might be damaged goods. I told 'em I understood their concerns, but I had a better idea. Instead of running up and down in a damn ballroom, why didn't I run up and down on a basketball court for them? I said, "We can go to a park by my house." They thought it was a great idea and we agreed to go on down there.

Harold and Gene didn't know it, but the park we were going to was down on the Lower East Side, right next to the school I went to, P.S. 137. And before we drove down there, I called the principal, and I told him what's happening.

So when we got to the park, he's let the whole school out early, and there's nine hundred kids in the park, surrounding the court, hanging on the chain-link fence, screaming and yelling and cheering, "Williams! Williams! Williams! Williams!."

And I'm running and dunking and jumping, up and down and up and down. I'm flying! It's like one of those bad made-for-TV movies. I mean, I'm two feet above the rim, scraping my elbows on metal. And the kids are screaming and Harold and Gene are happy about the whole thing. They're talking to each other.

"Holy smokes!" they're saying. "We got a steal with this guy!"

Harold and Gene spent the next two years watching me miss layups, stumble around, saying, "What the heck happened at that park? Was that an optical illusion or what?"

They told Charles Barkley they were confused, because they'd seen me playing about two feet above the rim.

Charlie says, "You seen who? Doing what? When?"

What Harold and Gene and Charlie didn't know is that the basket at that park is only nine feet high.
User avatar
Fat Kat
RealGM
Posts: 31,951
And1: 28,565
Joined: Apr 19, 2004
     

Re: Funny NBA stories 

Post#9 » by Fat Kat » Mon Jan 7, 2013 2:59 pm

Dipper 13 wrote:Loose Balls: Easy Money, Hard Fouls, Cheap Laughs, and True Love in the NBA - Jayson Williams

Before signing me up, the Sixers' top guys met with me in a Midtown hotel in New York City. They heard I was fat, out of shape. They were worried about the broken foot, too. It was Harold Katz, then the owner, and Gene Shue, then the general manager. They wanted me to run up and down the hotel ballroom. They thought I might be damaged goods. I told 'em I understood their concerns, but I had a better idea. Instead of running up and down in a damn ballroom, why didn't I run up and down on a basketball court for them? I said, "We can go to a park by my house." They thought it was a great idea and we agreed to go on down there.

Harold and Gene didn't know it, but the park we were going to was down on the Lower East Side, right next to the school I went to, P.S. 137. And before we drove down there, I called the principal, and I told him what's happening.

So when we got to the park, he's let the whole school out early, and there's nine hundred kids in the park, surrounding the court, hanging on the chain-link fence, screaming and yelling and cheering, "Williams! Williams! Williams! Williams!."

And I'm running and dunking and jumping, up and down and up and down. I'm flying! It's like one of those bad made-for-TV movies. I mean, I'm two feet above the rim, scraping my elbows on metal. And the kids are screaming and Harold and Gene are happy about the whole thing. They're talking to each other.

"Holy smokes!" they're saying. "We got a steal with this guy!"

Harold and Gene spent the next two years watching me miss layups, stumble around, saying, "What the heck happened at that park? Was that an optical illusion or what?"

They told Charles Barkley they were confused, because they'd seen me playing about two feet above the rim.

Charlie says, "You seen who? Doing what? When?"

What Harold and Gene and Charlie didn't know is that the basket at that park is only nine feet high.


:lol:
All comments made by Fat Kat are given as opinion, which may or may not be derived from facts, and not made to personally attack anyone on Realgm. All rights reserved.®
ROballer
General Manager
Posts: 9,309
And1: 2,742
Joined: Sep 06, 2009
Location: Romania
   

Re: Funny NBA stories 

Post#10 » by ROballer » Mon Jan 7, 2013 3:01 pm

Marvin Barnes

When flying from Kentucky to St. Louis in the 70s, the plane was to cross a time zone and technically arrive four minutes before it took off, Barnes said, "I ain't gettin' on no time machine," left and rented a car.
Steve Nash injures his back while carrying bags

Slava wrote:I pulled a hammy while fapping. I won't make fun of Nash.
starquest52
Banned User
Posts: 372
And1: 0
Joined: Apr 16, 2012

Re: Funny NBA stories 

Post#11 » by starquest52 » Mon Jan 7, 2013 3:10 pm

ROballer wrote:Marvin Barnes

When flying from Kentucky to St. Louis in the 70s, the plane was to cross a time zone and technically arrive four minutes before it took off, Barnes said, "I ain't gettin' on no time machine," left and rented a car.

:lol:


Image
User avatar
XtotheDeezy
Veteran
Posts: 2,711
And1: 1,790
Joined: Apr 14, 2010
 

Re: Funny NBA stories 

Post#12 » by XtotheDeezy » Mon Jan 7, 2013 3:15 pm

Me and two of my friends were at Cesar's Palace in Vegas for a weekend. We were playing poker and one of the other players at the table was Brevin Knight. During one of the hands, Brevin beats another player on an All-In. The guy gets up to leave, but Brevin gets up and says '**** happens, man' and then does this weird imaginary cross over move and laughs. The other guy must've been on something other than the few beers he had, because he flinched and fell backwards. Everyone at the table just laughed, while the dealer helped the man up.

I don't know what to make of it.



I'm not the dude in the story.
Jimmy Recard
RealGM
Posts: 10,190
And1: 5,369
Joined: Feb 08, 2009
 

Re: Funny NBA stories 

Post#13 » by Jimmy Recard » Mon Jan 7, 2013 3:26 pm

Jeff Van Gundy on Don Nelson teaching players how to flop in his first practice as head coach with the Knicks:

"When i was with the Knicks when Pat Riley quit and Don Nelson got hired, the first practice we had, we practiced our head-snap. I had never seen anything like that. And Coach Nelson was critiquing, 'ah that's not really the proper head-snap, you've gotta snap it harder and let out a groan'. You know, the verbal flop, which runs as a partner to the head-snap. I mean, this is very complicated stuff."
User avatar
Fat Kat
RealGM
Posts: 31,951
And1: 28,565
Joined: Apr 19, 2004
     

Re: Funny NBA stories 

Post#14 » by Fat Kat » Mon Jan 7, 2013 3:35 pm

Charles Oakley and Tyrone Hill were both kicked out of a 2000 preseason game when Oakley slapped Hill in the mouth during warmups,
It turns out Hill owed Oakley $54,000 from a dice game and was slow to pay up.
Later that same season, Oakley was suspended again after throwing a basketball at Hill face during a shootaround. Hill eventually settled up, but because of his "coward move," Oakley insisted that he pay double.
All comments made by Fat Kat are given as opinion, which may or may not be derived from facts, and not made to personally attack anyone on Realgm. All rights reserved.®
User avatar
Fat Kat
RealGM
Posts: 31,951
And1: 28,565
Joined: Apr 19, 2004
     

Re: Funny NBA stories 

Post#15 » by Fat Kat » Mon Jan 7, 2013 3:40 pm

-Charles Oakley was dating a woman in Charlotte, NC. He called the woman’s house and LA Clipper Jeff McInnis was there. Oakley went hunting for Jeff that night, but couldn’t find him. So, the next time their two teams played, Oakley walked up to McInnis on the bench and punched him in the head before the game. Oakley blamed one of McInnis’ coaches at the time, Alvin Gentry, for telling reporters the story.
All comments made by Fat Kat are given as opinion, which may or may not be derived from facts, and not made to personally attack anyone on Realgm. All rights reserved.®
DanTown8587
RealGM
Posts: 37,583
And1: 9,332
Joined: Jan 06, 2008
Location: Chicago
     

Re: Funny NBA stories 

Post#16 » by DanTown8587 » Mon Jan 7, 2013 4:38 pm

Back before NBA teams had grasped the rejuvenating power of chartered airplanes, the Bulls were waiting for their luggage in Portland when Jordan slapped a hunny on the conveyor belt: I bet you my bags come out first. Jumping on the incredibly favorable odds, nine teammates happily accepted the wager. Sure enough, Jordan's bags led the rollout. He cackled with delight as he collected everyone's money.

What none of the suckers knew, and what MJ presumably never told them, was that he had bribed a baggage handler to help him out.
...
Wreckus13
Pro Prospect
Posts: 875
And1: 160
Joined: Aug 06, 2012
       

Re: Funny NBA stories 

Post#17 » by Wreckus13 » Mon Jan 7, 2013 4:46 pm

This is a great thread.
choppermagic
Starter
Posts: 2,016
And1: 846
Joined: Aug 25, 2010

Re: Funny NBA stories 

Post#18 » by choppermagic » Mon Jan 7, 2013 5:14 pm

I read this story in a basketball magazine when i was a little kid. Article was about funny true basketball stories. I am hoping someone remembers it too and can help track it down.

From what i recall:

Rookie Coach got hired to his dream coaching job (it might have been a big NCAA college or NBA but i cant recall). He's very excited no doubt. One day, while taking a shower,the phone rings and his wife picks up downstairs. He yells down asking who it is. She says "It's Sports Illustrated".

Being very keen to his new coaching gig and his new found fame, he jumps out of the shower but trips down the stairs, smashing his kneecap in his rush to get to the phone. Despite his very painful injury, he picks up the phone but only hears "...so for only $1.99 an issue, you can receive...".

I never forgot that story! LOL
User avatar
Scuall
Sixth Man
Posts: 1,841
And1: 2,761
Joined: Jan 05, 2009
Location: Deutschland Ausländer
       

Re: Funny NBA stories 

Post#19 » by Scuall » Mon Jan 7, 2013 6:16 pm

Couldn't find the story online, so I'll have to paraphrase. I remember Steve Kerr on TV talking about training camp in '99 after the Spurs had just won the championship. Steve decided to greet the new players van which consisted of rookies and other players trying out for the team. As they come piling out, Tim Duncan walks out of the van. Kerr looked at him (the 99 Finals MVP) and said, "Tim, WE don't have to ride the van, we can drive here." Duncan replied confusingly, "Oh, we don't?"
Image
suckfish
Retired Mod
Retired Mod
Posts: 18,533
And1: 1,273
Joined: Jun 12, 2007

Re: Funny NBA stories 

Post#20 » by suckfish » Mon Jan 7, 2013 7:35 pm

Someone get hold of the David Stern Pigs in a Blanket story please!?

Return to The General Board