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Mariners fired hitting coach Jeff Pentland.

The Mariners have the game's worst record despite a top-10 payroll, and it's obviously Pentland's fault. He'll know better next time not to overpay for Richie Sexson, Carlos Silva, Miguel Batista and Jarrod Washburn. Also, he never should have traded for Jose Vidro and put together a ridiculous bench that included Miguel Cairo and Willie Bloomquist. And that's glossing over his biggest mistake of all: he saw two lesbians kissing at Safeco Field and did absolutely nothing to stop them. Lee Elia, his replacement, is very capable of putting the fans in their place when he needs to.

Argyle wrote:Nice writeup by RW.

Has anybody here played at a relatively high level in baseball? I'm really curious as to the actual influence hitting coaches have. On one hand, I could see them being beneficial, but on the other I could see them being useless. We are talking professional athletes here.

I played at a decently high level in another sport, but at that point most coaching done was tactical, not technical... No idea about baseball though.

Deal-less in Seattle: What's even more terrifying than having the worst record in baseball? How about having a team like that and almost nothing you can deal?

We've been running through the Mariners' trade options with people across the sport. And those options look worse than you'd imagine, considering how many of these same people once thought this was a team that could win the West. Here are some of the topical names -- and the reactions we heard:

Erik Bedard? "Only a different GM could trade him."

Richie Sexson? "Useless."

Adrian Beltre? "For the money [$12M next year], impossible to find a fit."

Carlos Silva? See above.

Jarrod Washburn and Miguel Batista? "I'm not sure you could give them away."

Raul Ibanez? "He's got a lot of value. But he wouldn't get you an elite player. Just a couple of parts."

Jose Lopez? "Ordinary guy. Not as good as his numbers."

Ichiro? "Can't trade him."

J.J. Putz? "They'd never trade him."

Felix Hernandez? "Ha-ha-ha-ha. You're kidding, right?"

In sum, there's no one the Mariners can afford to trade who has significant value -- and no one with value they'd even think about trading. One baseball man's review of this situation: "Hopeless."

PhilipNelsonFan wrote:That Onion article was awesome, but how about Jayson Stark chiming in:

Deal-less in Seattle: What's even more terrifying than having the worst record in baseball? How about having a team like that and almost nothing you can deal?

Oh, I get it! You see, there was this movie called "Sleepless in Seattle." So writing a column whose title ends with "-less in Seattle" is funny, and original. I see what you did there, Jayson. How about also writing some columns with references to rain and grunge and latte?

So let's get to his analysis.

Erik Bedard? "Only a different GM could trade him."

This can have two meanings. I think the intended meaning is the comparatively benign one: Bavasi has invested so much personally in Bedard that he can't be the one to trade him. Alternatively, it could just mean that when you are dealing a valuable asset, you need someone other than a (Please Use More Appropriate Word) ass-clown to make the trade. Either way, I agree. During the offseason, Bavasi was the only person alive who thought Bedard was a megastar ace. No other GM will trade as much as Bavasi did. No matter what, any Bedard trade would result in a net loss. Bavasi likely wouldn't let that happen, and in any case shouldn't be trusted to be the one to mitigate the loss.

Richie Sexson? "Useless."

He's playing his way into a minor league contract/spring training invite for 2009, that's for sure. "Useless" might be an exaggeration for someone in the last year of his deal who still has a close to 200 IsoP in a tough park, but the most we could hope for is partial salary relief. Might be a DFA candidate if we can't move him by the deadline.

Adrian Beltre? "For the money [$12M next year], impossible to find a fit."

I find that hard to believe. $12 million is no longer considered particularly exorbitant, and there's only one year left on the deal. For a Gold Glove caliber third baseman with pop in his bat, there has to be some value there.

Carlos Silva? See above.

Yes. The most untradeable player this side of Barry Zito.

Jarrod Washburn and Miguel Batista? "I'm not sure you could give them away."

How about we give one or both away by agreeing to eat half of the salary for 2009? Someone might trade us a non-prospect to take a flyer on one of those guys for $4.5 million next year. Move both and it's a savings of about $9 million.

Raul Ibanez? "He's got a lot of value. But he wouldn't get you an elite player. Just a couple of parts."

Nobody's looking for an elite player here, but in any case I don't want to trade him. He's underpaid. We can re-sign him for two more years at his current salary, use him just as a lefty bat off the bench, and he'll still be worth it. He wants to be here, he's a good guy, why mess with it?

Jose Lopez? "Ordinary guy. Not as good as his numbers."

The phrase "not as good as his numbers" makes my head asplode. He's exactly as good as his numbers, which makes him a middle-of-the-pack second baseman with a reasonable salary. He does have some trade value. The problem is that it's hard to replace him in the system. Yung Chi-Chen and Tug Hulett appear to be pieces of crap, and I don't know yet what the expectations are for Luis Valbuena. Move Lopez and it just opens up another hole.

Ichiro? "Can't trade him."

Yup.

J.J. Putz? "They'd never trade him."

Why not? (I mean, once he gets off the DL, that is.)

Felix Hernandez? "Ha-ha-ha-ha. You're kidding, right?"