RealGM

No offense, but the Bears have no offense. Five days into free agency, I still don't see a quarterback, a wide receiver, a running back or a protective front, though I do see a kicker angling for a contract extension because touchdowns will be pipedreams. I am not joking when I say tickets should be half-price, nor am I yanking your chain in suggesting they'll never move the chains.

You are looking at, quite possibly, the NFL's worst offense since the leather- helmet era. In Madden '09, any sucker who picks the Bears will be required to play defense the entire game. Instead of signing Michael Turner, they stiffed you with Ron Turner. Rather than throw money at Randy Moss when he was briefly available, they left you with just two wide receivers who have caught balls in the league. Can we petition the commissioner and ask if every down can be a kickoff, knowing Devin Hester has a much better chance of busting a return than the offense has of moving past midfield?

Until further notice, we live in Chicag, Illinis. There is no ``o'' here.

And I haven't even mentioned Turnoversaurus Rex yet.