Community Thread LXI: The President We Deserve

[Kilroy]

About once every 2 or 3 years, I get the urge to smoke a cigar... Last night was the latest...
I sweat through my sheets last night and woke up this morning with a mouth that tasted like Rip Van Winkle's scrotum...
Ahh... Now I remember.

[Landsberger]

About once every 2 or 3 years, I get the urge to smoke a cigar... Last night was the latest...
I sweat through my sheets last night and woke up this morning with a mouth that tasted like Rip Van Winkle's scrotum...
Ahh... Now I remember.

Haven't smoked a cigar in a few years but this is what I remember as well.... except that I have no point of reference for the taste of scrotum.

[Slava]

Denmark, Italy announce a two week lockdown of everything but the essential services.

[tugs]

I just nod now that handshakes are off. I look cocky though

[Danny Darko]

if this situation can't revive this thread nothing can.

Man I'm lining up stories at this point.

Market analysis:
Charmin is the in demand butthole wipe and few folks actually own bidets evidently. btw cottonelle is just just klingon garbage. that's for ladies front sides.
Desani is the last water on the shelf
booze is plentiful... at least in my area it's the isle i park my cart to avoid the doomsday bumper cart mfers.
On that note- I'm a late scoffer to the seltzer game, but then realized I like Titos and club and light juice and well.. Ficks>Whiteclaw and don't really like truly but there is like an enormous stack of carona seltzer I have no viable reviews on that went from expensive to dirt cheap I want to hope is great haha.

and... streaming media... like we all need to double down on quarantine and chill so what's your low key great suggestion?

[ROballer]

We've got the most (Please Use More Appropriate Word) politicians ever. You guys brag about Trump and all, but he ain't got nothing on us.


A senator has been tested positive, gave the disease to his wife, son and personal secretary as we know right now, probably more.
Anyway, he was in contact with a lot of other people in the parliament, including the Prime Minister.


And what does the **** Prime Minister do? He sets up a **** press conference, all the reporters and TV people there, less than 5 feet from him.
To announce he's been in contact with a person tested positive, got a test and he's self quarantining for the next days.

[EArl]

Well then I guess its time to start posting more since I don't have anything to do.
Went to the grocery store yesterday. It looked like the world was ending with how people were acting.

[EArl]

if this situation can't revive this thread nothing can.

Man I'm lining up stories at this point.

Market analysis:
Charmin is the in demand butthole wipe and few folks actually own bidets evidently. btw cottonelle is just just klingon garbage. that's for ladies front sides.
Desani is the last water on the shelf
booze is plentiful... at least in my area it's the isle i park my cart to avoid the doomsday bumper cart mfers.
On that note- I'm a late scoffer to the seltzer game, but then realized I like Titos and club and light juice and well.. Ficks>Whiteclaw and don't really like truly but there is like an enormous stack of carona seltzer I have no viable reviews on that went from expensive to dirt cheap I want to hope is great haha.

and... streaming media... like we all need to double down on quarantine and chill so what's your low key great suggestion?

Booze is definitely available in my area as well. The second that runs out all hell is breaking loose.

[Slava]

if this situation can't revive this thread nothing can.

Man I'm lining up stories at this point.

Market analysis:
Charmin is the in demand butthole wipe and few folks actually own bidets evidently. btw cottonelle is just just klingon garbage. that's for ladies front sides.
Desani is the last water on the shelf
booze is plentiful... at least in my area it's the isle i park my cart to avoid the doomsday bumper cart mfers.
On that note- I'm a late scoffer to the seltzer game, but then realized I like Titos and club and light juice and well.. Ficks>Whiteclaw and don't really like truly but there is like an enormous stack of carona seltzer I have no viable reviews on that went from expensive to dirt cheap I want to hope is great haha.

and... streaming media... like we all need to double down on quarantine and chill so what's your low key great suggestion?

Wet wipes >> Charmin for me.

Sparkling water with lime and mint + a squirt or two of syrup is the perfect chill out beverage when you're not drinking.

Unrelated but I did a tinder date on facetime today, which is a new one I guess. Thanks China!

[tugs]

We've got the most (Please Use More Appropriate Word) politicians ever. You guys brag about Trump and all, but he ain't got nothing on us.


A senator has been tested positive, gave the disease to his wife, son and personal secretary as we know right now, probably more.
Anyway, he was in contact with a lot of other people in the parliament, including the Prime Minister.


And what does the **** Prime Minister do? He sets up a **** press conference, all the reporters and TV people there, less than 5 feet from him.
To announce he's been in contact with a person tested positive, got a test and he's self quarantining for the next days.

Well our president held a press conference supposedly to address the situation. We were hoping to get updates and tips but instead he thanked the president of China, one senator for his hard work in flipping through his script, and confusing everyone about not locking down the capital but is under community quarantine.

What did the people do? Mass exodus and went to their home provinces.

[Kilroy]

if this situation can't revive this thread nothing can.

Man I'm lining up stories at this point.

Market analysis:
Charmin is the in demand butthole wipe and few folks actually own bidets evidently. btw cottonelle is just just klingon garbage. that's for ladies front sides.
Desani is the last water on the shelf
booze is plentiful... at least in my area it's the isle i park my cart to avoid the doomsday bumper cart mfers.
On that note- I'm a late scoffer to the seltzer game, but then realized I like Titos and club and light juice and well.. Ficks>Whiteclaw and don't really like truly but there is like an enormous stack of carona seltzer I have no viable reviews on that went from expensive to dirt cheap I want to hope is great haha.

and... streaming media... like we all need to double down on quarantine and chill so what's your low key great suggestion?

I dare you to go buy fideo anywhere in southern california... I'm convinced it can't be done. Get your tortillas and gatorrade (the blue ones) while you can as well...
Might as well give up cheetos and doritos for lent...
But yeah, plenty of booze and healthy food stuff... Which is good for me with the Celiacs.

[Danny Darko]

if this situation can't revive this thread nothing can.

Man I'm lining up stories at this point.

Market analysis:
Charmin is the in demand butthole wipe and few folks actually own bidets evidently. btw cottonelle is just just klingon garbage. that's for ladies front sides.
Desani is the last water on the shelf
booze is plentiful... at least in my area it's the isle i park my cart to avoid the doomsday bumper cart mfers.
On that note- I'm a late scoffer to the seltzer game, but then realized I like Titos and club and light juice and well.. Ficks>Whiteclaw and don't really like truly but there is like an enormous stack of carona seltzer I have no viable reviews on that went from expensive to dirt cheap I want to hope is great haha.

and... streaming media... like we all need to double down on quarantine and chill so what's your low key great suggestion?

Wet wipes >> Charmin for me.

Sparkling water with lime and mint + a squirt or two of syrup is the perfect chill out beverage when you're not drinking.

Unrelated but I did a tinder date on facetime today, which is a new one I guess. Thanks China!

wet wipes are great... good for every part of the body outside of eyeballs and also for sneakers. +3

More importantly we need a breakdown of how facetime date went. it's important

[Danny Darko]

if this situation can't revive this thread nothing can.

Man I'm lining up stories at this point.

Market analysis:
Charmin is the in demand butthole wipe and few folks actually own bidets evidently. btw cottonelle is just just klingon garbage. that's for ladies front sides.
Desani is the last water on the shelf
booze is plentiful... at least in my area it's the isle i park my cart to avoid the doomsday bumper cart mfers.
On that note- I'm a late scoffer to the seltzer game, but then realized I like Titos and club and light juice and well.. Ficks>Whiteclaw and don't really like truly but there is like an enormous stack of carona seltzer I have no viable reviews on that went from expensive to dirt cheap I want to hope is great haha.

and... streaming media... like we all need to double down on quarantine and chill so what's your low key great suggestion?

I dare you to go buy fideo anywhere in southern california... I'm convinced it can't be done. Get your tortillas and gatorrade (the blue ones) while you can as well...
Might as well give up cheetos and doritos for lent...
But yeah, plenty of booze and healthy food stuff... Which is good for me with the Celiacs.

Celiacs? I have something similar but with an aggressive immune system that freaks at allergens to the point is attacks the lining of the esophagus on down if it's in contact with the allergen. I had to stop wheat, legumes, tree nuts and dairy.

idk about you but I find distilled wheat aka whisky is totally fine

[Slava]

if this situation can't revive this thread nothing can.

Man I'm lining up stories at this point.

Market analysis:
Charmin is the in demand butthole wipe and few folks actually own bidets evidently. btw cottonelle is just just klingon garbage. that's for ladies front sides.
Desani is the last water on the shelf
booze is plentiful... at least in my area it's the isle i park my cart to avoid the doomsday bumper cart mfers.
On that note- I'm a late scoffer to the seltzer game, but then realized I like Titos and club and light juice and well.. Ficks>Whiteclaw and don't really like truly but there is like an enormous stack of carona seltzer I have no viable reviews on that went from expensive to dirt cheap I want to hope is great haha.

and... streaming media... like we all need to double down on quarantine and chill so what's your low key great suggestion?

Wet wipes >> Charmin for me.

Sparkling water with lime and mint + a squirt or two of syrup is the perfect chill out beverage when you're not drinking.

Unrelated but I did a tinder date on facetime today, which is a new one I guess. Thanks China!

wet wipes are great... good for every part of the body outside of eyeballs and also for sneakers. +3

More importantly we need a breakdown of how facetime date went. it's important

Date went well, she keeps texting me which is cute but disturbs me video game time.

[Kilroy]

if this situation can't revive this thread nothing can.

Man I'm lining up stories at this point.

Market analysis:
Charmin is the in demand butthole wipe and few folks actually own bidets evidently. btw cottonelle is just just klingon garbage. that's for ladies front sides.
Desani is the last water on the shelf
booze is plentiful... at least in my area it's the isle i park my cart to avoid the doomsday bumper cart mfers.
On that note- I'm a late scoffer to the seltzer game, but then realized I like Titos and club and light juice and well.. Ficks>Whiteclaw and don't really like truly but there is like an enormous stack of carona seltzer I have no viable reviews on that went from expensive to dirt cheap I want to hope is great haha.

and... streaming media... like we all need to double down on quarantine and chill so what's your low key great suggestion?

I dare you to go buy fideo anywhere in southern california... I'm convinced it can't be done. Get your tortillas and gatorrade (the blue ones) while you can as well...
Might as well give up cheetos and doritos for lent...
But yeah, plenty of booze and healthy food stuff... Which is good for me with the Celiacs.

Celiacs? I have something similar but with an aggressive immune system that freaks at allergens to the point is attacks the lining of the esophagus on down if it's in contact with the allergen. I had to stop wheat, legumes, tree nuts and dairy.

idk about you but I find distilled wheat aka whisky is totally fine

It is still changing for me... We no longer have any wheat in our house at all... I do lactose free milk, but after I cut the wheat, I no longer had a problem with dairy. My daughter doesn't have Soy or Corn either.

The hard part isn't the actual items, it's all the additives that contain those items that they have worked into our food at this point. I'm OK with some of the fillers but my daughter can't even have like xanthan gum, which is in everything now.

For me though, when I started, I could do the 'gluten reduced' beers and stuff like that, was heavy into bourbon and Scotch, and was fine with it for a while. But as we became more religious about wheat in our diet, I found I could no longer do those things. The 'gluten reduced' beers all give me a splitting headache now... If I get the wrong one, I get this weird instant drunk/instant hangover thing... I get hammered off one beer or drink, then immediately am hungover... Headache nausea, useless the next day, the whole works.
But I'm super sensitive to wheat now too, though... I get a headache and nausea just walking into a pizza place or bread shop. "We can't eat here, I can smell the wheat." is an actual thing for us.
I'm sure there are some whiskeys that would work, but they probably wouldn't be the good ones. I'd have to stick to the younger, clear ones.
So I do Rum, Tequila, and the grape based drinks... Brandy, Cognac/Armagnac... I'm big into Armagnac.. Which was fine in Austin, where you could find excellent bottles for under $40. But here in socal, those exact same bottles are $90-$100. Not sure why. So I'm often falling back on American Brandy or Anejo Rum.

[Slava]

if this situation can't revive this thread nothing can.

Man I'm lining up stories at this point.

Market analysis:
Charmin is the in demand butthole wipe and few folks actually own bidets evidently. btw cottonelle is just just klingon garbage. that's for ladies front sides.
Desani is the last water on the shelf
booze is plentiful... at least in my area it's the isle i park my cart to avoid the doomsday bumper cart mfers.
On that note- I'm a late scoffer to the seltzer game, but then realized I like Titos and club and light juice and well.. Ficks>Whiteclaw and don't really like truly but there is like an enormous stack of carona seltzer I have no viable reviews on that went from expensive to dirt cheap I want to hope is great haha.

and... streaming media... like we all need to double down on quarantine and chill so what's your low key great suggestion?

I dare you to go buy fideo anywhere in southern california... I'm convinced it can't be done. Get your tortillas and gatorrade (the blue ones) while you can as well...
Might as well give up cheetos and doritos for lent...
But yeah, plenty of booze and healthy food stuff... Which is good for me with the Celiacs.

Celiacs? I have something similar but with an aggressive immune system that freaks at allergens to the point is attacks the lining of the esophagus on down if it's in contact with the allergen. I had to stop wheat, legumes, tree nuts and dairy.

idk about you but I find distilled wheat aka whisky is totally fine

How did you get diagnosed for this? I feel like I have something similar as if I eat some stuff it makes me terribly depressed and anxious however they diagnosed me with IBS and pointed me to a low fodmap diet. However much it helps, I don't think it covers all my intolerances. Garlic is my biggest red flag food, if I eat even a trace of it, I might as well pop antidepressants and shut myself down for a week.

Some recent blood tests also showed that I was getting anemic due to my intestine not digesting stuff properly. I was going to have a specialist appointment last Friday until this virus came about and everything was cancelled.

[Kilroy]

I dare you to go buy fideo anywhere in southern california... I'm convinced it can't be done. Get your tortillas and gatorrade (the blue ones) while you can as well...
Might as well give up cheetos and doritos for lent...
But yeah, plenty of booze and healthy food stuff... Which is good for me with the Celiacs.

Celiacs? I have something similar but with an aggressive immune system that freaks at allergens to the point is attacks the lining of the esophagus on down if it's in contact with the allergen. I had to stop wheat, legumes, tree nuts and dairy.

idk about you but I find distilled wheat aka whisky is totally fine

How did you get diagnosed for this? I feel like I have something similar as if I eat some stuff it makes me terribly depressed and anxious however they diagnosed me with IBS and pointed me to a low fodmap diet. However much it helps, I don't think it covers all my intolerances. Garlic is my biggest red flag food, if I eat even a trace of it, I might as well pop antidepressants and shut myself down for a week.

Some recent blood tests also showed that I was getting anemic due to my intestine not digesting stuff properly. I was going to have a specialist appointment last Friday until this virus came about and everything was cancelled.

The Garlic thing sounds like it may be Thyroid related. Garlic is a known thyroid disrupter for people with thyroid issues. You could maybe start with getting that tested?

If you do have a thyroid issue, it's pretty common for them to recommend a gluten free diet as well.

[tugs]

Welp, turns out some of my friends got in contact with a friend who has an infected uncle. I'm part of the contact tracing and will be evaluated

I swear man this is some sort of movie. Other parts of the country are suffering from swine and bird flu outbreaks

[LAKESHOW]

Bro, Hope for all the best.

[Slava]

Celiacs? I have something similar but with an aggressive immune system that freaks at allergens to the point is attacks the lining of the esophagus on down if it's in contact with the allergen. I had to stop wheat, legumes, tree nuts and dairy.

idk about you but I find distilled wheat aka whisky is totally fine

How did you get diagnosed for this? I feel like I have something similar as if I eat some stuff it makes me terribly depressed and anxious however they diagnosed me with IBS and pointed me to a low fodmap diet. However much it helps, I don't think it covers all my intolerances. Garlic is my biggest red flag food, if I eat even a trace of it, I might as well pop antidepressants and shut myself down for a week.

Some recent blood tests also showed that I was getting anemic due to my intestine not digesting stuff properly. I was going to have a specialist appointment last Friday until this virus came about and everything was cancelled.

The Garlic thing sounds like it may be Thyroid related. Garlic is a known thyroid disrupter for people with thyroid issues. You could maybe start with getting that tested?

If you do have a thyroid issue, it's pretty common for them to recommend a gluten free diet as well.

I'm hypercalcemic so they test my calcium and thyroid every 6 months and it's not been an issue thus far. My dad is hypercalcemic as well as we both share a mutation in the calcium sensing receptor gene but here's been perfectly fine with any diet.