OT: General Off Topic Thread [No Politics, Race, Religion, etc.]

[Ryan5UW]

Found out today that my dad has stage 4 cancer in several areas of his body. Feels like my whole world just crashed down on my head. Anyone who’s been through this before have any advice on things they did or wish they would have done? I don’t want to look back on this time and think “damn, why didn’t I think to do ______?”

So so sorry to hear this. 4 years ago my sister was having what she thought was a stomach bug, after going in from being unable to comfortably use the rest room she was told she had a large tumor in her colon and surgery would only relieve pain, the cancer spread to her liver, stomach, kidneys and hip.

Doctors told her she would win some battles but lose the war. I was devastated but as the doctors told her she had 2 years max I could see her eyes light up. She almost seemed accepting in a way that was so admirable. After that she changed her diet and made a mission to do more fun stuff and experiences with her daughter. We lose her last year but she made it almost 4 years until last September. We got to hang out more than usual (only live 90 mins away) and we are such an extremely close family we all had great memories made during this time. My sister was such a kind soul and the life of the party and had the most contagious laugh I still hear it sometimes. We all have no regrets because she just seemed like she understood it was her time even though she passed at 40. She had an amazing support group and was so loved, we had a benefit for her to put money into her daughter's trust (she just turned 17 Thursday)

Long story short, just be there. Have experiences, learn more about him. Make as many memories as possible and just enjoy life because every day is just a bonus day essentially. Make him comfortable and understand if they need time. It will be the hardest thing you've endured most likely but they dont want you time have that on your shoulders so just stay positive and your mind will understand a lot easier, at least that worked for me as best as it can. Hopefully he can make a full recovery if hes not terminal, my 70 year old neighbor just made a full recovery from stage 4 3 years ago and he is doing better than I've ever seen! Best of health to you and your family

Thanks for the kind words, and sharing about your sister. I’m sorry you lost her, it sounds like she handled things incredibly. Her story starts off similar to my dad, he was having a little trouble breathing and next thing you know they see spots all over his lungs. Run more tests and see stuff in his stomach, neck, and they think maybe in his brain too. I hope my dad puts up a fight like your sister did. They said he’s stage 4 too, so your neighbor gives me a little bit of hope to cling onto as well. I appreciate you.

[Ryan5UW]

Ryan, so sorry to hear about your Dad. Listen to all the wonderful advice given here. I went through this in the summer of 2024 and it was horrible, and I still have those moments where I pick up the phone to call Dad and then realize he isn't with us anymore.

Some things I haven't seen mentioned that we did that really helped us:

Make sure all of his financials are in order. When my mom passed suddenly in 2020, she had a condo which was in her name only, it took 3 years to go through Florida probate (yay lawyers) all because she didn't have my dad's name on the property. This is one of those times where hiring a financial advisor and getting things setup properly for your parents is well worth it. They can also help find ways to protect your mom's assets from being taken if medical debt gets out of control (yay, America!)

Have a talk with your dad about how he wants to be celebrated. My dad insisted he "Didn't want a **** funeral. Throw me a party." That's what we did. Knowing his wishes gave us something to focus on and carry out.

With something like this, his physical health can change rapidly so do the things he can do now that he wants to do before everything becomes much more difficult.

Damn, I’m sorry to hear that. I can definitely see myself picking up the phone to call him too. Usually my mom answers the phone when I call them, but the occasional times it’s just him are always like a special little treat. Thanks for the tips, those are definitely things I’ll keep in mind.

[Ryan5UW]

I can't provide any advice, but thinking of you and your family. I'm so sorry to hear. This board is pretty amazing with advice and at support as well (I posted quite a bit last year during some hardships). Awesome group of people here to lean on.

Thank you, I appreciate that. It really is, and I’m humbled by all the kind words and support. I know I don’t post a ton on here (I love reading all the posts and stuff though) so to see the response from so many has been appreciated more than I can properly put into words.

[AussieBuck]

Ryan, so sorry to hear about your Dad. Listen to all the wonderful advice given here. I went through this in the summer of 2024 and it was horrible, and I still have those moments where I pick up the phone to call Dad and then realize he isn't with us anymore.

Some things I haven't seen mentioned that we did that really helped us:

Make sure all of his financials are in order. When my mom passed suddenly in 2020, she had a condo which was in her name only, it took 3 years to go through Florida probate (yay lawyers) all because she didn't have my dad's name on the property. This is one of those times where hiring a financial advisor and getting things setup properly for your parents is well worth it. They can also help find ways to protect your mom's assets from being taken if medical debt gets out of control (yay, America!)

Have a talk with your dad about how he wants to be celebrated. My dad insisted he "Didn't want a **** funeral. Throw me a party." That's what we did. Knowing his wishes gave us something to focus on and carry out.

With something like this, his physical health can change rapidly so do the things he can do now that he wants to do before everything becomes much more difficult.

Excellent advice on getting financials in order. Our experience has been that lots of things were just harder than they should be- even down to just getting the home phone changed from dad's to mum's name was far more complicated than it should have been. Anything that can be done beforehand to make that transition easier is worth it, and I'm sure if we'd had the time to think of it then raise it with dad he absolutely would have said "yes, of course!".

Also- KidA24, one thing I have been meaning to say for what feels like the longest time (but have struggled to, I'm getting overwhelmed typing it now): when you lost your dad you were kind enough to share what you were going through with us on here in a very open and thoughtful manner, and in one of the responses it had inspired AussieBuck to I think plan to play more golf with his own father. I read those posts, on the next weekend I was going to be driving to the other side of Sydney to get something repaired, and was inspired to drive completely out of my way (saying it was "just on the way") and pop in and see my dad and grab breakfast and chat for a bit. We had a lovely time. It was the last time I saw him. Thank you.

Yep this is right, I don't remember how much background I posted, but my mum died of a horrible form of early onset dementia and I had been fairly in denial/avoidant to the point where by the time I was more regularly visiting, she wasn't really there anymore. Then it got real bad for the last 12 months but I won't go into that. Point being, dad had a heart issue (cleared up now/for now) and Kid's post did inspire me to hang out with the old man more in case he/I was running out of time. We have played golf nearly every Saturday morning for the last year now.

Definitely agree with all the posters saying just hang out as much as feasible while you can. I know that all I'll want is to hang out with my two boys when the sickness comes for my brain and I'm losing my marbles.

[ReasonablySober]

Hosted a Thanksgiving lunch today. Impromptu thing and it was the first time most of the people have been at my place. I didn't want it to be a big thing since a lot of the people will be at the proper Thanksgiving on Thursday. This was just a cheap warm-up with minimal effort.

My takeaways:

• Walmart is CLUTCH. I made a boneless turkey breast, and boxed stuffing helped by pre-chopped mirepoix and chicken stock.
• The turkey was great. Didn't have the skin but the meat itself was moist.
• Mom bought an Aldi strawberry pie and it was really good
• Sister brought some bagged salads, never gonna complain about that
• Jar gravy wasn't great
• The actual effort I put in was for these potato rolls and they came out perfect. Get yourself a proofing box and these are idiot-proof.

Watch on YouTube

Highly recommend the Big Book of Bread book here.

[humanrefutation]

I know a couple folks here mentioned looking for vaccums. Costco has a Dyson V15 Direct for $300 off. Normally, I'd chafe at spending $500 on a cordless vaccum especially with how often they break. But considering Costco's amazing return policy, I pulled the trigger because I'll be able to return it once it starts giving me problems.

Costco also has some All-Clad D3 cookware on sale for $150 off, if you're looking for that, too.

[stellation]

I know a couple folks here mentioned looking for vaccums. Costco has a Dyson V15 Direct for $300 off. Normally, I'd chafe at spending $500 on a cordless vaccum especially with how often they break. But considering Costco's amazing return policy, I pulled the trigger because I'll be able to return it once it starts giving me problems.

Costco also has some All-Clad D3 cookware on sale for $150 off, if you're looking for that, too.

We made the switch to a Dyson vacuum cleaner some time ago, I feel like it’s better than previous brands we’ve had when I use it but I KNOW I feel like a fancy, well to do man when I use it.

[Licensed to Il]

I know a couple folks here mentioned looking for vaccums. Costco has a Dyson V15 Direct for $300 off. Normally, I'd chafe at spending $500 on a cordless vaccum especially with how often they break. But considering Costco's amazing return policy, I pulled the trigger because I'll be able to return it once it starts giving me problems.

Costco also has some All-Clad D3 cookware on sale for $150 off, if you're looking for that, too.

We made the switch to a Dyson vacuum cleaner some time ago, I feel like it’s better than previous brands we’ve had when I use it but I KNOW I feel like a fancy, well to do man when I use it.

I just returned my 4th Dyson to Costco. They will last 2-3 years then break. Costco doesn’t care. The new Dyson has a digital screen. WTH? We don’t need this, Dyson.

[MikeIsGood]

FWIW we've had our Dyson cordless for seven years now. We switched from a Shark cordless that died after two years, and it was an instant night-and-day difference in power. The Shark had a bending gimmick to get under couches that was kind of nice, but that was the only value prop.

I love Costco also and their return policy is elite, but I do wonder sometimes if Costco gets the same type of lesser-value "same products" that Amazon often gets. Just something to consider.

[Ryan5UW]

I have a cordless Dyson that I absolutely love. I plan on getting my mom a V15 for Christmas (hello PayPal 20% cash back). I wouldn’t get a bagless as my main vacuum, but for quick clean ups and specific tasks, they’re fantastic.

[jschligs]

I don't care what anyone says Thanksgiving is the best holiday in the world. Just good food, good people, and football. Don't have to worry about presents or costumes or any of that crap. Fight me.

[trwi7]

Counterpoint. All holidays suck.

[jschligs]

Counterpoint. All holidays suck.

I see no downsides to Thanksgiving. Granted I like my family. I can agree on every other holiday.

[Ryan5UW]

PayPal changed the terms on that 20% cash back deal, it’s only good on one purchase now.

[MikeIsGood]

So glad I used it four times before they changed it; they're recognizing all purchases already completed. I saved over $400, lol.

[Ayt]

So glad I used it four times before they changed it; they're recognizing all purchases already completed. I saved over $400, lol.

I saved about $300. Such a great deal.

[ReasonablySober]

ETA: had this in the wrong thread

I was so anxious for Thursday and stock making that I started early. Went to the store to get garlic, celery, carrots, and onions to go with the turkey carcass, but they were also selling turkey parts so I also bought a leg, wing, neck, and thigh and used half the veggies to make stock tonight. I like that by now I've got the equipment and system to be extremely efficient with the entire process.

[stellation]

ETA: had this in the wrong thread

I was so anxious for Thursday and stock making that I started early. Went to the store to get garlic, celery, carrots, and onions to go with the turkey carcass, but they were also selling turkey parts so I also bought a leg, wing, neck, and thigh and used half the veggies to make stock tonight. I like that by now I've got the equipment and system to be extremely efficient with the entire process.

I believe these are all appropriate terms you yankee-doodle-dandies use: you da turkey day turkey man, bay-bee!

Edit: upon reflection, reading this the next morning it’s a tad odd. I wasn’t drinking but was hypoglycaemic so that’s my excuse.

[MartyConlonOnTheRun]

Counterpoint. All holidays suck.

I see no downsides to Thanksgiving. Granted I like my family. I can agree on every other holiday.

YMMV on this with family, traditions and jobs. I generally like my family but honestly would have been more relaxed with a traditional work week and a packers Sunday game. It's Q4 and everything is made high urgency and my work doesn't go away just because we have two days off. My family also likes to go up north which was fine 15 years ago but another generation of kids makes the place way too small, add in cold weather and not having small things you have at home.

I agree with twirl. Like if I had a job where my work stops and I can just do what I want, sure.

[MickeyDavis]

I like Thanksgiving but not if the Packers are playing. Too much chaos.