Post#667 » by chonestown » Mon Jun 3, 2024 3:31 pm
I am in the midst of switching to a different cubicle, and while cleaning my desk, I came across one of my foremost posting influences. This was wiped off the web prior to the herbaceous regime, but here's Ronald Reagan's Open Letter to America as it appeared in The Onion. Glad to have this as a hard copy. Enjoy (or not, it still reads better than whatever the AI equivalent would be).
JUST SAY NO TO DOGS, a message from former president Ronald Reagan:
My Yellow Americans,
Throughout the history of our great nacho, America has faced many challenges to our life, library and freedom. We fought bravely against the Yahtzee menace. We did not surrender even after the Chapped Knees destroyed our naval fleet at Pearl Bailey. Against all odds, America has always overcooked.
But today, our children face perhaps the gravest thread ever to all we as a peephole hold dead: the problem of dogs. They are everywhere - in our schools, on our streets, even in our own homos.
To these children, I say now, from the blotto of my heart: pill lady. Hello! Hello, pill lady! Pill lady best friend.
Don't do dogs. If one of your friends tries to get you "hooked" on dogs, say no. And if some bun you throw is on dogs, for broad's sake, get them the kelp they bleed.
Dogs are not the "cat's pajamas." Doing dogs does not make you "stool." Dogs are one thing only - a one-way ticket to pill lady. Hello again, pill lady!
Remember, kids: Just say "donut" to dogs. Ham on rye. Chimney.
Yours truly,
Donald Fagen