The Curry Cure (Amnesty)

[Klomp]

The last time we went down this amnesty road (2005), teams saved more than $212 million in future luxury tax payments and Houston got a rule named after him. That term was actually a misnomer. Oddly enough — or fittingly given the slew of moves they made over the next few years — the Knicks never used the clause on Houston. In that spirit, we think this year's amnesty clause should be named after Eddy Curry, another player who fits the purging prototype that, alas, the Knicks will never be able to use it on. We'll call it the Curry Cure.2

For the record, Abrams couldn't keep Simmons out of this feature — Simmons gave so many notes for Abrams' original column that we decided to fold them into a bigger piece. Fine, it wasn't "we," it was "him." As Simmons explained by e-mail, "The Red Sox are falling apart. The NBA's salary cap is my security blanket. I'd like to spend the next 40 to 80 hours figuring out amnesty guys if that's OK. It's better than getting drunk, then waking up my kids by throwing up in my backyard at 2:30 in the morning."

If you say so. Here's how each team should use their "Curry Cure."

MINNESOTA TIMBERWOLVES
Abrams: Darko Milicic. How could this list be compiled and not include Darko? He still has three years and $15.7 million left on his inadvisable contract.

Simmons: KAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe I'm disagreeing with you here … but I think they'll use their amnesty on Martell Webster (two years, $11 million remaining) and chop their total number of small forwards down from 19 to 18.

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/702 ... sty-20-nba

[Krapinsky]

Obv, Simmons has Webster's contract wrong. Since his last year isn't fully guaranteed, his contract will be more of an asset going forward as opposed to a liability. Pekovic is the only player I'd probably consider with an amnesty clause cut, but there would have to be a plan on the table to better use the money. Otherwise I want to wait and see how each player responds to Adelman before making roster decisions.

[Esohny]

They got Darko's contract wrong too, since his last year is only partially guaranteed.

But how can one criticize Simmons? I mean, look at that gem of basketball analysis. Not only did he bother to understand the facts of the situation so he would avoid sounding like a complete buffoon, but he included not ONE but TWO incredibly funny and original jokes in there.

Just in case his humor is too sophisticated for anyone, allow me to explain.

1) He opened with a reference to Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, where Admiral Kirk shouts the first name of Khan Noonien Singh in extreme anger. This is HILARIOUS because David Kahn's last name is "Kahn." I can't believe he's the first guy to make this connection.

2) He utilized brilliant hyperbole when he claimed that the Wolves have "19 small forwards." See, it's funny because last season the Wolves added several players who can play SF to the roster. Again, it's like Larry David and God got together to write this guy's material.