thebuzzardman wrote:god shammgod wrote:KnixinSix wrote:
I do know Jesus. He lives in me.
i hope you charge him rent for that
Another true thebuzzardman story
Was in an airborne unit in the military. One day, at the end of a field training exercise, there was a kind an admin period - it was non tactical. For whatever reason, they wanted to do a timed ruck march at the end of it. I think that's why there was the lounging about. We ended every training exercise on base with an at least 12 mile speedmarch out of a tactical situation, full rucks, usually between 70 and 100 lbs (or more) depending on time of year, what you did etc. So getting to sit around for 30 minutes was different
Very cohesive unit, all had been together for a while. We get this new NCO, very much the holy roller, which no one cared about either way, but he had the habit of preaching it to your face and that sh*t gets annoying.
Get stuck on guard with him? 2 hour session of preaching (I learned to ask about his decadent past and then get all the "bad" details. Awesome!), etc. Nobody wants that.
Anyway, everyone is sitting there, annoyed, getting ready to get smoked and miserable and there goes this guy, Sgt Barnes, carrying on about religion. So another guy, Tony L (a notorious wise ass) suddenly goes "Hey, Sgt Barnes - Can I ask you a question about God?"
It got dead quiet, as everyone was anticipating some kind of roast.
But Barnes was clueless, he didn't know how to read the room (the woods in this case) and just lights up. "Why, sure Tony"
Tony L: "So, is God everywhere Sgt Barnes?"
Sgt B: "Why of course Tony!"
Tony L: "He's in you? He's in me?"
Sgt B: "Yes he is"
Tony L: "In the birds, the clouds?"
Sgt: B: "Yes, he is"
Tony L: "He's in the rocks? In the trees?"
Sgt B: "Yes Toney, he's in everything!"
Tony L: "Is he in my rucksack?"
Sgt G: (hesitantly) "...Yes, he's there too"
Tony L: "Well tell him to get the f*ck out, it's heavy enough already!"
Followed by 200 guys laughing at Sgt Barnes. It was epic.