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OT 2017-18 Non-Serious Eastern Conference Predictions

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Dr. Detfink
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OT 2017-18 Non-Serious Eastern Conference Predictions 

Post#1 » by Dr. Detfink » Sun Aug 13, 2017 8:55 pm

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Listen up, ya pencil neck geeks! It's been too serious in this forum since the disappointing season ended. Time to have some fun goddamit, fun!




Atlantic Division
1. Boston: Realizing their logo is about as playfully racist towards the Irish as Washington Redskins are to Native Americans, Danny Ainge unveiled the team's new name: The Boston Chiefs with a logo of Robert Parrish punching a player in the neck.
2. Philadelphia: will be automatically given #1 pick of the 2018 NBA draft IF the Sixers promise not to tank anymore.
3. Toronto: Will be bought by Drake. Following Boston's example, Raptor Barney looking logo is racist towards dinosaurs so henceforth the Toronto Rappers were born. Cause you can't be mean to the animals, only women.
4. New York: Embracing their Dutch roots and their history of slavery, the Knicks will now wear bright orange peel colored socks and wooden shoes. Melo marries Greenie and she tells us all to F# off!
5. Brooklyn: Mikhail Prokhorov was given a choice from Adam Silver, Sell the team and listen to Pussy Riot records forever or keep the team and allow Jeremy Lin to sit on his lap.

Central Division
1. Cleveland: Lebron announces the doll "Annabelle" replacing Tyronn Lue as coach. Series of accidents occur to K. Love, K. Irving.
2. Milwaukee: Giannis Antetokounmpo buys the country of Greece for $50M. Decrees the best thing to happen to Greece since the pythagorean theorem was invented.
3. Detroit: To commemorate the Bad Boys era and the move back to Detroit from Auburn Hills, the team invites Kathryn Bigelow to participate in "Turn back the clock rioting" as was the case when Pistons won back to back titles along Warren E street en route to Eastern Market.
4. Indiana: Donnie Walsh drops a bombshell. He really wasn't there in New York. That was his evil twin, Bobby.
5. Chicago: Bulls are showing every Jordan game for the duration of the season in order to give their fans the option of overting their gaze from the nightmare on the court.

Southeast Division
1: Washington: John Wall ignites a Game of Thrones boycott because George RR Martin won't allow "Wall" to be on the "the Wall" in Game of Thrones. No Wall on Wall action but maybe a little Mountain.
2. Miami: Pat Riley buys second place for a second round pick and cash consideration.
3. Charlotte: Michael Jordan announced a $1.85 raise for every Hornet who scores in the last 5 minutes of every game.
4. Atlanta: Had to close the arena due to the players and fans deciding they weren't "feeling it."
5. Orlando: Fans no-showed after honestly forgetting there was even a team still there.

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