What do you think about this?

[Kakapato]

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123680101041299201.html

Soccer Is Ruining America
And we have no one to blame but ourselves.

Soccer is running America into the ground, and there is very little anyone can do about it. Social critics have long observed that we live in a therapeutic society that treats young people as if they can do no wrong. Every kid is a winner, and nobody is ever left behind, no matter how many times they watch the ball going the other way. Whether the dumbing down of America or soccer came first is hard to say, but soccer is clearly an important means by which American energy, drive and competitiveness are being undermined to the point of no return.
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What other game, to put it bluntly, is so boring to watch? (Bowling and golf come to mind, but the sound of crashing pins and the sight of the well-attired strolling on perfectly kept greens are at least inherently pleasurable activities.) The linear, two-dimensional action of soccer is like the rocking of a boat but without any storm and while the boat has not even left the dock. Think of two posses pursuing their prey in opposite directions without any bullets in their guns. Soccer is the fluoridation of the American sporting scene.

For those who think I jest, let me put forth four points, which is more points than most fans will see in a week of games—and more points than most soccer players have scored since their pee-wee days.

1) Any sport that limits you to using your feet, with the occasional bang of the head, has something very wrong with it. Indeed, soccer is a liberal's dream of tragedy: It creates an egalitarian playing field by rigorously enforcing a uniform disability. Anthropologists commonly define man according to his use of hands. We have the thumb, an opposable digit that God gave us to distinguish us from animals that walk on all fours. The thumb lets us do things like throw baseballs and fold our hands in prayer. We can even talk with our hands. Have you ever seen a deaf person trying to talk with his feet? When you are really angry and acting like an animal, you kick out with your feet. Only fools punch a wall with their hands. The Iraqi who threw his shoes at President Bush was following his primordial instincts. Showing someone your feet, or sticking your shoes in someone's face, is the ultimate sign of disrespect. Do kids ever say, "Trick or Treat, smell my hands"? Did Jesus wash his disciples' hands at the Last Supper? No, hands are divine (they are one of the body parts most frequently attributed to God), while feet are in need of redemption. In all the portraits of God's wrath, never once is he pictured as wanting to step on us or kick us; he does not stoop that low.

2) Sporting should be about breaking kids down before you start building them up. Take baseball, for example. When I was a kid, baseball was the most popular sport precisely because it was so demanding. Even its language was intimidating, with bases, bats, strikes and outs. Striding up to the plate gave each of us a chance to act like we were starring in a Western movie, and tapping the bat to the plate gave us our first experience with inventing self-indulgent personal rituals. The boy chosen to be the pitcher was inevitably the first kid on the team to reach puberty, and he threw a hard ball right at you.

Thus, you had to face the fear of disfigurement as well as the statistical probability of striking out. The spectacle of your failure was so public that it was like having all of your friends invited to your home to watch your dad forcing you to eat your vegetables. We also spent a lot of time in the outfield chanting, "Hey batter batter!" as if we were Buddhist monks on steroids. Our chanting was compensatory behavior, a way of making the time go by, which is surely why at soccer games today it is the parents who do all of the yelling.

3) Everyone knows that soccer is a foreign invasion, but few people know exactly what is wrong with that. More than having to do with its origin, soccer is a European sport because it is all about death and despair. Americans would never invent a sport where the better you get the less you score. Even the way most games end, in sudden death, suggests something of an old-fashioned duel. How could anyone enjoy a game where so much energy results in so little advantage, and which typically ends with a penalty kick out, as if it is the audience that needs to be put out of its misery? Shootouts are such an anticlimax to the game and are so unpredictable that the teams might as well flip a coin to see who wins—indeed, they might as well flip the coin before the game, and not play at all.

4) And then there is the question of sex. I know my daughter will kick me when she reads this, but soccer is a game for girls. Girls are too smart to waste an entire day playing baseball, and they do not have the bloodlust for football. Soccer penalizes shoving and burns countless calories, and the margins of victory are almost always too narrow to afford any gloating. As a display of nearly death-defying stamina, soccer mimics the paradigmatic feminine experience of childbirth more than the masculine business of destroying your opponent with insurmountable power.

Let me conclude on a note of despair appropriate to my topic. There is no way to run away from soccer, if only because it is a sport all about running. It is as relentless as it is easy, and it is as tiring to play as it is tedious to watch. The real tragedy is that soccer is a foreign invasion, but it is not a plot to overthrow America. For those inclined toward paranoia, it would be easy to blame soccer's success on the political left, which, after all, worked for years to bring European decadence and despair to America. The left tried to make existentialism, Marxism, poststructuralism, and deconstructionism fashionable in order to weaken the clarity, pragmatism and drive of American culture. What the left could not accomplish through these intellectual fads, one might suspect, they are trying to accomplish through sport.

Yet this suspicion would be mistaken. Soccer is of foreign origin, that is certainly true, but its promotion and implementation are thoroughly domestic. Soccer is a self-inflicted wound. Americans have nobody to blame but themselves. Conservative suburban families, the backbone of America, have turned to soccer in droves. Baseball is too intimidating, football too brutal, and basketball takes too much time to develop the required skills. American parents in the past several decades are overworked and exhausted, but their children are overweight and neglected. Soccer is the perfect antidote to television and video games. It forces kids to run and run, and everyone can play their role, no matter how minor or irrelevant to the game. Soccer and television are the peanut butter and jelly of parenting.

I should know. I am an overworked teacher, with books to read and books to write, and before I put in a video for the kids to watch while I work in the evenings, they need to have spent some of their energy. Otherwise, they want to play with me! Last year all three of my kids were on three different soccer teams at the same time. My daughter is on a traveling team, and she is quite good. I had to sign a form that said, among other things, I would not do anything embarrassing to her or the team during the game. I told the coach I could not sign it. She was perplexed and worried. "Why not," she asked? "Are you one of those parents who yells at their kids? "Not at all," I replied, "I read books on the sidelines during the game, and this embarrasses my daughter to no end." That is my one way of protesting the rise of this pitiful sport. Nonetheless, I must say that my kids and I come home from a soccer game a very happy family.

Mr. Webb is a professor of religion and philosophy at Wabash College. His recent books include "American Providence" and "Taking Religion to School."

[-InFeRnO-]

tl;dr

[ForeverTFC]

I don't think Ive ever read garbage like this in my life.

point 1. Only using your feet? How about chest control? How about the first touch? How about knowing how to hit the ball with what part of your feet? That argument is just moot.

Point 2. Sports is about breaking kids down? How about getting rid of your instincts to run full on with the ball? How about learning angles, reading a field in a quick second before you make a decision? How about thinking three moves ahead so you can set up the outcome you want? Again, moot.

Point 3. Shows his lack of knowledge about the sport hes slandering. Shootouts? So hes one of those guys that only watches the worldcup, knock out stages at that? Its the american population that enjoys the sudden death of sports. Americans cant leave an arena unless there is a clear cut winner on the score boards. They cant think about the impact a tie will have in the long run. What a terrible argument. A european sport. And Basketball and Hockey arent american either. The only sport Americans came up with was Baseball.

Point 4. Soccer is for girls? I played soccer for 12 years of my life. At the end of my playing days, we had practice three times a week. One strictly for conditioning. One game a week where if you messed up, you have three practices to think about it and be able to redeem yourself the next day. As a goal keeper, I can say that ive timed my run outs many times to 'accidentally' punch someone in the head while im going for the ball. How many times have my ankles swelled up like balloons and all i could do was tape them up and keep playing. But no, in baseball you sit out because you chipped your nail. What a ridiculous argument.

This guy has NO clue what he is talking about. Ignorant, and he even banished the feet. oh no not the feet!!!!

fkn moron.

PS. I love baseball. Im just trying to compare his supposed fave sport and show how ridiculous his arguments are. Lets go Blue Jays!

[magik9113]

I love soccer, but will accept criticisms. However, that was a complete joke

[ForeverTFC]

I love soccer, but will accept criticisms. However, that was a complete joke

If Terezegol doesn't retire as a Juventino, he should come over and play for TFC.


One can dream right?

[KG1585]

This has to be one of the worst articles ever. I can't believe I took the time to actually read this garbage.

[marciokop]

soccer>>>>> all other sports.
this is garbage and racists

[wade2bosh]

Cricket is more exciting to play but soccer is the essence of sport.

[toffeemonster]

i dont usually post here, but that was just such a load of garbage
cant believe i wasted my time reading it.

[Lionel Messi]

What? I WANT to knock this guy's teeth in, no, i want to **** punch his face so **** hard he'll never be able to speak again.

That was the most ignorant **** i've ever read in my life. Please tell me this was some 13 year old kid trying to be funny or something.

I didn't click on the link but this isn't an article or anything right? It's a blog right??!??!?!

I could go on a 20 page essay negating and invalidating every **** point he made in that joke of ... i can't call it an article... i dont know what to call that steaming pile of ****. Oh, there we go, tht's a good way to put it.

Soccer is the sport i've followed since i was 5, it was beautiful when i learned how to play, I'd play with my neighbor and my dad in my backyard where my dad got his friend to build me a nice net for my birthday.

It takes 0 dollars to go out and play soccer.

Arguably the best player to ever play soccer, Diego Maradona used a ball of rags and managed to make a living for himself.

To say that it is "easy" to play soccer is just plain moronic.

Has he ever watched a guy like Lionel Messi work his magic with the ball at his feet?

Has he ever watched a team string together countless perfect tactical passes resulting in a beautiful goal?

I don't think he should base his knowledge on what i assume is 8 year old house league in America.

My brother is 8 years old he dribbles the ball like a king, maybe he should come to Toronto in some of these academies and see how much work and skill it takes to play soccer.

It is much harder to control a ball with your feet than it is with your hands.

Football is the beautiful game for a reason. It is the most globally popular sport for a reason.

All I have left to say is:

THIS GUY IS SUCH A MISERABLE PIECE OF ****!

[Raps in 4]

What a douchebag. Only someone who has never seen a soccer game or has a severe mental disability could write something so ridiculously stupid. Why enrol all your kids in soccer when you can't stand the sport? It's people like this I want to track down just so I can punch them. I always get worked up reading anti-*insert sport* articles, especially when they deal with soccer.

[BlackMamba]

i wonder if this guy has even watched a game or played a game.

[miggymigs]

Mr. Webb is a professor of religion and philosophy at Wabash College. His recent books include "American Providence" and "Taking Religion to School."

What is scary is this guy is an educator. It's a very bizarre view of the sport, plus I find his religious references strange as well.

I want this guy no where near my kids.

[ForeverTFC]

Mr. Webb is a professor of religion and philosophy at Wabash College. His recent books include "American Providence" and "Taking Religion to School."

What is scary is this guy is an educator. It's a very bizarre view of the sport, plus I find his religious references strange as well.

I want this guy no where near my kids.

You should research his books. It really is disturbing, especially American Providence.

[Point forward]

This article was about the funniest thing I have EVER read. "Soccer is criminally non-discriminating, criminally non-violent, criminally multi-cultural and criminally non-sexist."

Utterly hilarious. Does this guy know that the US woman's team is GOAT, and that the US men's team is not shabby either? When I think of Brian McBride, Freddy Adu, Claudio Reyna, Mia Hamm or Cindy Overbeck, the last thing I associate with them is ANTI-AMERICANISM.

[Sleepy]

uhh...

Guys, I don't like to be the bringer of bad news, but YOU (yes, you!) suck!

From Wikipedia:

On March 5, 2009, he posted a humorous, satirical article, "How Soccer is Ruining America: A Jeremiad" (http://www.firstthings.com/onthesquare/?p=1329) that was subsequently publshed at the Wall Street Journal online edition (http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123680101041299201.html) and then picked up by numerous blogs, newspapers and websites, creating a storm of criticism from soccer fans. See, for example, http://www.mouthpiecesports.com/blog/20 ... hing-ever/.

If you can't recognize this as satire, you should perhaps start training with this and then read the article again..

[Slava]

I thought this was some kind of a funny piece and looked for some kind of note at the end of the article but when I didn't expect the WSJ to publish a satirical piece like this.

[AdamTheGreek]

This writer should be lynched.

[El Turco]

if it is real, writer fails at rationale. if it is a satire, then writer fails at humor.

either way he fails.

[Smoove]

This lad is a bloody twat. He is just talking rubbish bollocks that doesn't fit nothing. He is a complete joke, look at this bloody website: http://www.americantheologian.com/

Look at this picture, I feel like punching the queer twat in his bloody gay face.


People like this frustrate the hell out of me when they try to argue about Football, which is clearly the best sport in the world, and is the most play sport in the whole world no sport will come close to Football. That is all fact!