Bill Simmons RIPS the Raptors roster and salaries. (UPDATE Zach Lowe & Rob Mahoney go in on Raptors)

[Son Goku 25]

He compared BI to Naz Reid, Myles Turner, and Randle

smh

Lol wow

[SharoneWright]

I read somewhere that Bill was the guy who started the 30 for 30 series? It was a little vague tho. If true....he deserves enough goodwill to look past his raptor take.

Yeah he definitely was. He was really the guy who saw that the transforming media landscape opened the door to telling sports stories in all kinds of new ways.

He was also creator of the original smart sports journalism platform called Grantland, which was great while it lasted, and which led directly to the creation of the Ringer and indirectly to The Athletic and even the Player's Tribune.

And before that – if maybe you weren't around back then – he was ESPN.com's first and best columnist, who wrote a lot of really funny, outrageous and deep stories about sports people and events for many years long before eventually getting into the whole TV/podcast thing. I think he started in the 1980s.

For all the people who understandably can't stand his shtick in recent years, here is one he wrote about Kobe scoring 81 on us that will give you an idea how fun it was to read him. It includes this bit:

"The game made me feel the same way I felt while watching "March of the Penguins." I had always wondered what a penguin's life was like; once I knew how depressing it was, I wanted to sit in my garage with the car running."

and this:

"This didn't feel like a team effort. Actually, I'm not sure what this felt like. With seven minutes remaining, Odom made an open 3 because Kobe was being ninetuple-teamed by all five Raptors, two ball boys, an assistant coach and a Staples Center usher from Section 104. Without a shred of irony, the announcer reported it was Odom's first field goal of the night. He ended up finishing 1-for-7. By the way, he's the second-best player on the Lakers.

"Can you imagine being on this team?" my father said, shrieking. "Can you imagine? Look at Odom! I think he's going to throw up!"

https://proxy.espn.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/060124

I can't take his whininess on tv and haven't listened to anything he has said in years, but his place in modern sports history is actually pretty huge and very well deserved.

Also, I would trust him to draft for us.

[defstarcon]

so not:

76ers - injury prone players
wizards - bad dead cap
chicago - bad contracts
heat - no flex, bad contracts

but raptors. okay ryan ok.

[TravisScott55]

The Ringer is a bunch of idiots that just have to agree with the idiotic takes of their boss

[DreamTeam09]

when and where did he backtrack on the Raps? not just what Perkins said.
.

[lobosloboslobos]

https://www.espn.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/060224

Babcock: I have to disagree with that -- I think everyone can agree that I made the worst trade of the past 10 years.

Simmons: The Vince Carter trade?

Babcock: Right. I gave him away to the Nets. Gave him away. And I'm known for that now -- it didn't matter that I was working for Toronto. So you can have a negative impact on a small-market team, I think.

Thoughts on trading? For GM Rob Babcock, one step forward and three steps back.
(The crowd applauds.)

Simmons: Let's talk about that trade, Rob. Walk us through your thought process.

Babcock: When you're trading an unhappy superstar, like Isiah said before, you have to get one of three things back: Cap space, draft picks or young stars. Or else your fans will flip out. Especially if the guy immediately starts playing hard again, which was a mortal lock in Vince's case, because he was clearly tanking it for us. Anyway, my goal was to trade Vince without getting cap space, draft picks or another young star -- that's what would have made it the worst trade of all-time. The problem was that you can't be too obvious with this stuff or the commissioner's office will veto the deal. So what ended up happening was, the Nets gave us two non-lottery picks to save face, but everything else worked out -- not only did we not get a superstar back, we took on three bad contracts, including Alonzo Mourning's deal, which we had to buy out. So instead of getting cap space back, the trade hurt our cap space. I was more proud of that than anything.

Weisbrod: You know, I loved that trade, but I loved the Rafael Araujo pick even more.

Babcock: Thanks!

Weisbrod: Passing up Andre Iguodala for a 24 year-old center who averaged 0.1 blocks per game in college and runs like a duck … I just thought that was brilliant.

Babcock: Well, you hope with these things, but you never sure how they'll work out until they happen.

Simmons: Let's talk about the draft, guys. What are some strategies there? Worst guy available? Taking someone at a position where you already have someone?

King: See, that's where you're wrong. It's always better to make good picks in the draft -- this way, your fans can become attached to them, then you can trade them for inferior guys with bad contracts. Plus, it throws the media off your scent a little bit. I would much rather draft a decent guy, then trade him down the road, or overpay him with a crazy contract that makes no sense or kills my cap space. If you're openly tanking draft picks, it's too obvious.

Thomas: I agree, Billy. If you look at what I've done over the years, I always drafted well: Stoudamire, T-Mac, Camby, Frye, Ariza … you want to stockpile as many assets as possible, only because it gives you more options to do something dumb.

Babcock: I couldn't agree more. That's the single-biggest mistake I made with the Araujo pick. In retrospect, I should have taken Igoudala, kept him for a year, then traded him last summer for Joel Przybilla and immediately given him an $85 million contract extension. Oh, well. You live and you learn.

absolutely hilarious and ballsy as fk
classic simmons

and yes that was deep deep levels of sarcasm
just click the link

say what you will about him now (and maybe the Ringer is shite i never look at it either, but in its day Grantland was brilliant) but bill simmons was one funny and outrageous mofo back in the day
i mean who would make fun of today's GMs that viciously on ESPN now?
there are a ton of articles of his like that and they stand up really well even today