RealGM

I remember there was a Raptors Fan Fiction like a year or two ago....thought we should start another one....I don't have to go to back to work till Jan. 2nd and I am far away from family....need to pass the time.

Rules:

1.You continue with the previous post

2.Limit it to a paragraph

----

Bryan Colangelo was on his yearly scouting trip to Europe and decided to check fan feedback on RealGM......he sees a lot of anti-Bargnani and a 30 pg, "Fire BC" thread....BC thinks to himself, "I must hire around 20 people to post positive things about me and my loverboy, Bargs". BC begins the search to hire 20 people, but is met with a roadblock during his search due to.....

No one? I can use my creative writing skills to write a novel. Here we go:

------

BC is dealing with internal conflict....why must he spread false propaganda on RealGM....when he has failed to deliver a winning team to a passionate, bipolar fan base? The Jonas Valanciunas rookie season has been a mixed bag and hasn't met the hype fans anticpated. He decides to consult with former Raptor coach Jay Triano and via Skype from Spain Jorge Garbajosa......

Out of the blue, Jose Calderon interrupts the Skype meeting. "BC, I have the key forumla to help us win again - matador defense". Garbo chimes in via Skype: "Hola Jose, Matador defense will work for Spanish League, not North America". Jose responds, "Shut up Garbo! You cost us a playoff berth". "Okay, stop it the two of you. Jose, can you kindly explain this matador defense? And how will it exactly save my job?" BC asks.

Yoga wrote:Bryan Colangelo was on his yearly scouting trip to Europe and decided to check fan feedback on RealGM......he sees a lot of anti-Bargnani and a 30 pg, "Fire BC" thread....BC thinks to himself, "I must hire around 20 people to post positive things about me and my loverboy, Bargs". BC begins the search to hire 20 people, but is met with a roadblock during his search due to.....

Bargnani wanting another foot massage from him. Bryan sighs and says "Only for you my love" and goes into the bathroom to retrieve the oil....

BC trades Bargnani for a box of tissues. Upon hearing of this trade, Bargs has a complete mental breakdown. He rushes to BC's office and slams the door behind him, "How could you do this to me??! You were like my father and I was your son!! I have lost everything......am no longer brand ambassador of Primo Pasta and my Lebanese girlfriend left me for Superfan Nav Bhatia. I am ruined. Bawawawawawa I will cry for the next week". BC consoles him and gives him a shoulder to cry on....like any good father would do....

The next day, BC meets the Bhullar twins and asks them to avoid spicy Punjabi food to get rid of their man b**bs....

Actually...if you don't mind, i've come up with some of my own fan fiction...



The door grazed open slightly, and Andrea popped his head in; only visible to his chin. The rest of his body hidden behind the door.

"Busy?" the pastalicious Italian said, in an accent thicker than the thickest Prego sauce.

"No, Andrea...come on in", said Bryan, as he was staring out his window. His eyes were fixated on Maurizio. His trusted companion who, as per routine, waddled out the office exactly at 5pm everyday to the donut shop across the street to spend the next 60 minutes hankering down two dozen Boston cream donuts.

As Bryan looked onward with fascination the door opened ever slightly more. Just enough for Andrea to straddle in.

"Congratulations on the big game last night. You really impressed me with your 5 rebounds. Word is the coaches are going to pick you for the all-star game this year. I think your commitment to defense is what has them convinced."

"Thanks. But that's not what i'm here for" replied Bargnani.

Bryan swirled around in his chair and knew this was the moment he'd been waiting for. 7 years and it was all coming together. There he was. Andrea Bargnani. Franchise player. Face-of-the-brand. Friend. Lover.

Andrea was staring mightily intently into Bryans eyes.

Bryan's eyes were rapidly moving. Not side-to-side, but up and down. He was looking at Andrea, who had gowned a two-piece lace lingerie just for him. Just for this moment.

As Andrea stared into his eyes with a burning passion. He slowly walked a few feet forward and then stopped.

Then Bryan got up. Moved across his desk, and walked towards Andrea.

His heart beating more rapidly, Andrea slowly moved back now, as if he was defending a transition play by the Nash-led Suns.

Bryan walked up to him, and gently caressed Andrea's face with the palm of his sweaty hands and whispered, "I wouldn't trade you for a thousand Kobe's".

Andrea whispered back, "20,000 jeering fans could never move me from your side".

23 long seconds had passed, building up to this climax. And just as their lips were about to lock, Maurizio walked in. Donut still stuff in his mouth, with a bavarian cream stains all over his suit.

"Mr. Stern approved it! He approved it all! It's everything we ever wanted! Bargnani is getting the lifetime max contract. Nothing will ever split up our family!".

As the news rung through Andrea and Bryan's ears, they locked in a passionate kiss. Muarizio stood watching. With an unwavering smile across the globular Italian's face, he picked his suits lapel towards his mouth and licked that bavarian cream clean.

Meanwhile, in the next office over, Ed Stefanski's head suddenly propped up as a chill went down his spine. Steve Fruitman, who was in there for a meeting, asked him what was wrong.

Ed replied "it's as if a million voices suddenly cried out and were silenced".

"hmph...i'm sure it was nothing. Now back to that Bargnani-for-LeBron trade i've worked out and just need Bryan's signature on"

Too much reading for not enough lulz.

sule wrote:Actually...if you don't mind, i've come up with some of my own fan fiction...



The door grazed open slightly, and Andrea popped his head in; only visible to his chin. The rest of his body hidden behind the door.

"Busy?" the pastalicious Italian said, in an accent thicker than the thickest Prego sauce.

"No, Andrea...come on in", said Bryan, as he was staring out his window. His eyes were fixated on Maurizio. His trusted companion who, as per routine, waddled out the office exactly at 5pm everyday to the donut shop across the street to spend the next 60 minutes hankering down two dozen Boston cream donuts.

As Bryan looked onward with fascination the door opened ever slightly more. Just enough for Andrea to straddle in.

"Congratulations on the big game last night. You really impressed me with your 5 rebounds. Word is the coaches are going to pick you for the all-star game this year. I think your commitment to defense is what has them convinced."

"Thanks. But that's not what i'm here for" replied Bargnani.

Bryan swirled around in his chair and knew this was the moment he'd been waiting for. 7 years and it was all coming together. There he was. Andrea Bargnani. Franchise player. Face-of-the-brand. Friend. Lover.

Andrea was staring mightily intently into Bryans eyes.

Bryan's eyes were rapidly moving. Not side-to-side, but up and down. He was looking at Andrea, who had gowned a two-piece lace lingerie just for him. Just for this moment.

As Andrea stared into his eyes with a burning passion. He slowly walked a few feet forward and then stopped.

Then Bryan got up. Moved across his desk, and walked towards Andrea.

His heart beating more rapidly, Andrea slowly moved back now, as if he was defending a transition play by the Nash-led Suns.

Bryan walked up to him, and gently caressed Andrea's face with the palm of his sweaty hands and whispered, "I wouldn't trade you for a thousand Kobe's".

Andrea whispered back, "20,000 jeering fans could never move me from your side".

23 long seconds had passed, building up to this climax. And just as their lips were about to lock, Maurizio walked in. Donut still stuff in his mouth, with a bavarian cream stains all over his suit.

"Mr. Stern approved it! He approved it all! It's everything we ever wanted! Bargnani is getting the lifetime max contract. Nothing will ever split up our family!".

As the news rung through Andrea and Bryan's ears, they locked in a passionate kiss. Muarizio stood watching. With an unwavering smile across the globular Italian's face, he picked his suits lapel towards his mouth and licked that bavarian cream clean.

Meanwhile, in the next office over, Ed Stefanski's head suddenly propped up as a chill went down his spine. Steve Fruitman, who was in there for a meeting, asked him what was wrong.

Ed replied "it's as if a million voices suddenly cried out and were silenced".

"hmph...i'm sure it was nothing. Now back to that Bargnani-for-LeBron trade i've worked out and just need Bryan's signature on"

WTF?!?!?

Just throw this into any story:

Meanwhile, Gherardini is locked in his office with 50 hours of Tomas Zubcic game tape, a bottle of Jergens, and a box to tissues.

BC reads reports out of ESPN that Bargnani is a lock to be traded.










































Oh wait, this is not fan fiction....its reality

It is the last game of the season. Terrorists have kidnapped Colangelo and, as the last piece in a parlay that could see them making millions, they tell Bargnani that he must grab 15 rebounds or Colangelo dies.

Classico® Sauce Company, secretly run out of Italy by the most feared mob bosses in the world, has hired Bargnani to get inside the Primo Pasta facilities (by asking for a tour with his 'girlfriend' - the most feared assassin in Italy) to get the *secret ingredient* that Primo protects in a vault.

Doug Smith dies in a tragic car accident. A manic, obsessed Raptor fan starts noticing patterns in Doug Smith articles, dating back almost exactly to the time Colangelo was hired. Eventually, the Raptor fan finds a storage locker that Doug has left behind. This storage locker has evidence of BC being a mole. The fan finds out that BC is a descendant of Octavius Colangelo (an American), the man James Naismith stole the game of basketball from. BC has been groomed since birth to take over basketball operations in Toronto and destroy basketball in Canada forever.

sule wrote:Actually...if you don't mind, i've come up with some of my own fan fiction...



The door grazed open slightly, and Andrea popped his head in; only visible to his chin. The rest of his body hidden behind the door.

"Busy?" the pastalicious Italian said, in an accent thicker than the thickest Prego sauce.

"No, Andrea...come on in", said Bryan, as he was staring out his window. His eyes were fixated on Maurizio. His trusted companion who, as per routine, waddled out the office exactly at 5pm everyday to the donut shop across the street to spend the next 60 minutes hankering down two dozen Boston cream donuts.

As Bryan looked onward with fascination the door opened ever slightly more. Just enough for Andrea to straddle in.

"Congratulations on the big game last night. You really impressed me with your 5 rebounds. Word is the coaches are going to pick you for the all-star game this year. I think your commitment to defense is what has them convinced."

"Thanks. But that's not what i'm here for" replied Bargnani.

Bryan swirled around in his chair and knew this was the moment he'd been waiting for. 7 years and it was all coming together. There he was. Andrea Bargnani. Franchise player. Face-of-the-brand. Friend. Lover.

Andrea was staring mightily intently into Bryans eyes.

Bryan's eyes were rapidly moving. Not side-to-side, but up and down. He was looking at Andrea, who had gowned a two-piece lace lingerie just for him. Just for this moment.

As Andrea stared into his eyes with a burning passion. He slowly walked a few feet forward and then stopped.

Then Bryan got up. Moved across his desk, and walked towards Andrea.

His heart beating more rapidly, Andrea slowly moved back now, as if he was defending a transition play by the Nash-led Suns.

Bryan walked up to him, and gently caressed Andrea's face with the palm of his sweaty hands and whispered, "I wouldn't trade you for a thousand Kobe's".

Andrea whispered back, "20,000 jeering fans could never move me from your side".

23 long seconds had passed, building up to this climax. And just as their lips were about to lock, Maurizio walked in. Donut still stuff in his mouth, with a bavarian cream stains all over his suit.

"Mr. Stern approved it! He approved it all! It's everything we ever wanted! Bargnani is getting the lifetime max contract. Nothing will ever split up our family!".

As the news rung through Andrea and Bryan's ears, they locked in a passionate kiss. Muarizio stood watching. With an unwavering smile across the globular Italian's face, he picked his suits lapel towards his mouth and licked that bavarian cream clean.

Meanwhile, in the next office over, Ed Stefanski's head suddenly propped up as a chill went down his spine. Steve Fruitman, who was in there for a meeting, asked him what was wrong.

Ed replied "it's as if a million voices suddenly cried out and were silenced".

"hmph...i'm sure it was nothing. Now back to that Bargnani-for-LeBron trade i've worked out and just need Bryan's signature on"

Bryan's head whips forward from his pillow. Sweat drops falling from his brow audibly in his extra-large apartment.

He had not been sleeping well since Andrea and Kyle had gone to injury. Only the upswing of Jose Calderon's place had kept him out of MLSE's cross-hair. Now the stress had ruined another one of his suits as he noticed the button hanging from his double-tipped Gucci pastel-colored dress-shirt.

"I've got to stop drinking through the games," Bryan said out loud. There was another winnable Raptors game tonight against the Orlando Magic at 7 p.m. and over-time in New Orleans was nothing to laugh about.

His device BUZZ'ed on his dresser.

Wiping his sweat with an Armani pillow-case he reached for the smart-phone. Four missed calls; Unknown numbers...

Bargnani develops a sinister plan to sabotage the Raptors playoff chances by putting diarrhea medicine in primo pasta to the rest of the team.......will his plan succeed or will it fail like his basketball careers? ......

Bargnani then turns to k-pop to relax his mind off his devilish plans. SWAG

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHuOogcoKHE[/youtube]