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Andrea Bargnani- hes all about the low post game but doesnt have a shot outside 10 feet. Hes one of the best rebounders in the league and incredibly efficient on offense.

Chris Bosh- a lumbering big man, has a great back to the basket game but is has very little foot speed on offense.

jamaio moon- has a silky smooth jumper and is money from almost anywhere on the court. His lack of athleticism and defense holds him back a bit and he still hasnt lived up to the hype of being a high draft pick.

anthony parker- has a low basketball iq and tends to play a little out of control at times

jose calderon- a defensive stopper at pg, hes a bad playmaker but gets to the rim at will. Hes a bad shooter and rarely knocks down open jumpers.

tj ford- slow footed but has great size at the pg position, always plays within himself and a great finisher at the rim. hes also money from behind the arc

joey graham- always gives 100% and is incredibly consistent. he has surpassed all expectations since he was drafted and was a major steal

Derrick Martin- is a star in every sense of the word, can take over games in crunch time and is extremely good looking.

hump- One of the softer big men, he plays within himself and never forces anything on offense. He has a great wingspan to block many shots and is a great playmaker.

kapono- a difference maker on defense, can always shut down the other teams best perimeter player. His offense is all about getting to the rim and he hasnt got any touch from the outside.

^ makes it seem like other players

So you mean, "what if the Raptors were the Knicks"?

some_rand wrote:Derrick Martin- is a star in every sense of the word, can take over games in crunch time and is extremely good looking.

This is brilliant! We should offer a 6 years max contract to him and retire his jersey in the near future. Of course, we gotta support him to elect into Hall of Fame too.

GQ cover, men of the year!

I don't see how bizarro Bargnani and bizarro Bosh fit together. They basically have the same game.

I lol'ed at Derrick Martin.

Seems like Kapono and Moon just traded descriptions.

It sounds to me like we'd have a starting line-up of

C- Ben Wallace
PF- Eddy Curry
SF- Korver/Kapono
SG- Crawford
PG- Rondo

gross.

derrick martin would be kobe, maceo baston would be shaq, we own

Jorge Garbajosa: Has all the talent, but lacks the ability to apply his skills in game situations. Loses focus easily, doesn't seem to care as much about winning as his own statistics. Plays without passion or toughness. Refuses to play in international competitions for his home country of New Zealand.

Rasho Nesterovich: A graceful player who moves like a dancer on the court. Has no awareness of the value of positional play. Demands the ball on offense and puts up a prodigious number of shots. His uncanny leaping ability has been attributed to a unique mutation which the press calls "the Rasho gene."

Juan Dixon: Too big to play shooting guard in the NBA.

Maceo Baston: Rumoured to hate practice.

Carlos Delfino: Extremely judicious shot selection. When he decides to take a charge, he always gets the call. His manic, aggressive persona led one commentator to call him "Hulk Hogan on cocaine."

What your descriptions seem to tell me is that...


Bargnani = Dwight Howard
Bosh = Jermaine O'Neal... with two bad legs.
Moon = Jason Kapono / JJ Redick
Parker = JR Smith
Calderon = uhhhh, Rajon Rondo? Maybe Jacque Vaughn.

Ford = Chauncey Billups
Graham = Josh Howard / Tayshaun Prince
Martin = Kobe?
Hump = Not quite Yao Ming / better Rasho Nesterovic
Kapono = Andrei Kirilenko?

Nicely done.

TheMainEvent wrote:What your descriptions seem to tell me is that...


Bargnani = Dwight Howard
Bosh = Jermaine O'Neal... with two bad legs.
Moon = Jason Kapono / JJ Redick
Parker = JR Smith
Calderon = uhhhh, Rajon Rondo? Maybe Jacque Vaughn.

Ford = Chauncey Billups
Graham = Josh Howard / Tayshaun Prince
Martin = Kobe?
Hump = Not quite Yao Ming / better Rasho Nesterovic
Kapono = Andrei Kirilenko?

Don't forget...

Garbajosa = Ricky Davis
Rasho = Stromile Swift
Baston = Iverson (we talkin' bout practice, man)

pierrot wrote:Jorge Garbajosa: Has all the talent, but lacks the ability to apply his skills in game situations. Loses focus easily, doesn't seem to care as much about winning as his own statistics. Plays without passion or toughness. Refuses to play in international competitions for his home country of New Zealand.

Rasho Nesterovich: A graceful player who moves like a dancer on the court. Has no awareness of the value of positional play. Demands the ball on offense and puts up a prodigious number of shots. His uncanny leaping ability has been attributed to a unique mutation which the press calls "the Rasho gene."

Juan Dixon: Too big to play shooting guard in the NBA.

Maceo Baston: Rumoured to hate practice.

Carlos Delfino: Extremely judicious shot selection. When he decides to take a charge, he always gets the call. His manic, aggressive persona led one commentator to call him "Hulk Hogan on cocaine."

So, New Zealand is the bizarro-Spain? Please explain.

Kapono would become Moon and Moon would become Kapono.

sounds like the detroit pistons

Joey would be Luke Walton.

I think that that team would be, ironically, a middle of the rung team, just like we are. Looking for an all around wingman who can hit the outside shot.

Instead of Maggette, we'd be clamouring for Kevin Martin or Ben Gordon because Parker would get to the rim like crazy.

Mind you, in a bizarro world, Smitch would be the master strategist but a terrible motivator. Not sure what kind of effect that would have, but I think that we'd probably do better in end-game situations since Sam's strategies would take the ball away from our dumb PGs and get them to our bigs inside. We'd be a tough playoff out, too.

Hmmm... I think I just described Cleveland without Lebron but with penetrating PGs and a good coach.

CPT wrote:Seems like Kapono and Moon just traded descriptions.

yeah if only we could somehow combine them into one player we would have our all-star wingman

great post lol