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America’s Team

Simmons: A.k.a. the 2015 Washington Professional Basketball Team! Guys, you had me at hello. You didn’t have to go and sign Paul Pierce. You had me at hello.

Lowe: I do not endorse this nickname. I do endorse John Wall fast breaks, Bradley Beal stretching his game, Nene’s passing and angry dunks, everything about Marcin Gortat, and Paul Pierce already getting four guys suspended and nearly smushing poor Tom Thibodeau in a Pierce–Joakim Noah sandwich. DeJuan Blair and Kris Humphries were sneaky good signings, and Professor Miller, PhD, is still holding office hours down in the low post for all you suckas. Maybe this team should be higher?

Simmons: I think you’re right. We did our rankings before we found out that America’s Team wants to thug it up and embrace the spirit of the Bad Boy Pistons. It’s a great idea. Maybe they can’t beat Cleveland in a talent show, but they can beat them up inside, use their depth to wear them down, and maybe rattle them with the whole hard fouls/trash-talking/eyeballing routine. It just can’t be forgotten how many key Cavs have never been in a seven-game war. That’s their biggest issue in my opinion.

Lowe: I was just having this conversation with a front-office guy the other day. Sometimes you get so deep in the weeds, you forget about the obvious stuff: Cleveland’s second- and third-best players have never been to the playoffs.

Simmons: By the way, I would have picked America’s Team for the Finals if I hadn’t watched Randy Wittman coach last spring, or if I hadn’t seen John Wall trying (and failing) to run a half court offense against a tough defense in Round 2. They’re a year away unless Bradley Beal comes back from that broken wrist and makes “The Leap.” (INJURY GODS — LEAVE BRADLEY BEAL ALONE!!!!) And even then, they’re a Washington pro sports team, which means they’re destined to choke in the playoffs to a less talented team in the worst possible way. (Cut to Dan Steinberg and Joe House nodding sadly.)

Lowe: I thought Wittman did a nice job against Chicago in the playoffs with some X’s-and-O’s tweaks that worked, but yeah, the jury is still out.

Simmons: I notice you didn’t mention the Indiana series.

Lowe: The only bad thing about Washington being good: No more of Steve Buckhantz, their play-by-play guy, being unable to hide his anguish during broadcasts. I loved that. “Nick Young shoots … and it’s another miss.”

FreeBalling wrote:My first read of anything from Fart Land

jangles86 wrote:Steve Buckhantz is a legend.

keynote wrote:

jangles86 wrote:Steve Buckhantz is a legend.

Ah, the pained sound of his voice during a bad loss... He didn't intone anger so much as disappointment -- and, later, resignation. His very inflection was #soWizards.

Severn Hoos wrote:

keynote wrote:

jangles86 wrote:Steve Buckhantz is a legend.

Ah, the pained sound of his voice during a bad loss... He didn't intone anger so much as disappointment -- and, later, resignation. His very inflection was #soWizards.

Yep, believe it or not, I kinda miss those days...



Well, we'll always have "Not Possible! Not Possible!"

FreeBalling wrote:My first read of anything from Fart Land and this guy refuses to address the Wizards by their name, not a good start.However, he does address other teams by their names.

Then he's calling us thugs because of finger pointing in a preseason game? WTF. Needless to say, Paul Pierce first Washington Wizards preseason game. There was no fight, however, he blogs about the Wizards being thugs. I take offense to Bill Simmons calling our player THUGS.

Grow a set of balls and man up in life. Keep this in mind....anyone can write a blog for FREE!

I could careless if he like the Wizards.

Severn Hoos wrote:

keynote wrote:

jangles86 wrote:Steve Buckhantz is a legend.

Ah, the pained sound of his voice during a bad loss... He didn't intone anger so much as disappointment -- and, later, resignation. His very inflection was #soWizards.

Yep, believe it or not, I kinda miss those days...



Well, we'll always have "Not Possible! Not Possible!"