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True story, swear to gawd... (prose and cons)

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Re: True story, swear to gawd... (prose and cons) 

Post#61 » by doclinkin » Mon Jul 21, 2014 12:31 pm

anyone else got interesting 'true' stories to tell?
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Re: True story, swear to gawd... (prose and cons) 

Post#62 » by doclinkin » Thu Jul 23, 2015 1:15 am

Wifey and girlfriend and all went to the pool together yesterday. Went well enough, for now. We'll go to the beach on Friday, then next week maybe hang with her GF instead.

Stories?
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Re: True story, swear to gawd... 

Post#63 » by doclinkin » Thu Jul 23, 2015 1:15 am

greendale wrote:I had a similar experience on a golf course. Hawks are indeed large and menacing creatures. Even if I were fond of squirrels there was no way I was going to attempt to rescue that squirrel from that hawk.

Another time I came across a young buck eating fruit off a crab apple tree (located between the fairways of numbers one and two on Greendale for those of you who are familiar with it). I decided to see how close I could get to the deer before scaring it off. When I was about 30 yards away, the buck started snorting and pawing the ground without actually looking directly at me. The scare-er became the scare-ee and I quickly began opening range.


I miss greendale, that old coot. Rest well wherever you are, my man.
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Re: True story, swear to gawd... (prose and cons) 

Post#64 » by montestewart » Thu Jul 23, 2015 1:44 am

doclinkin wrote:Wifey and girlfriend and all went to the pool together yesterday. Went well enough, for now. We'll go to the beach on Friday, then next week maybe hang with her GF instead.

Stories?

That's a pretty good story. Youse quite the cosmopolitan.
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Re: True story, swear to gawd... (prose and cons) 

Post#65 » by montestewart » Thu Jul 23, 2015 2:14 am

One of my English professors liked abstract and conceptual art, and his office was filled with posters and other artifacts to that end. On his office door was a photo of Joseph Beuys. One day in class, he was diagraming in chalk the predecessors of and successors to English Romantic poetry, who influenced and was influenced by whom, and the chart was getting more and more complicated, more and more unintelligible, more and more abstract. Someone made a comment about the chart beginning to look more like a piece of contemporary art, and I casually added, "That shouldn't be a surprise. He likes Beuys."

The professor whipped his head around, looked right at me, and said, "Excuse me?" The class was silent. I had to work fast.

"Haven't you heard? It's all over campus," was all I could think of. His jaw dropped. After a pause, I said, "Joseph Beuys."

"Joseph Beuys. German artist," he said dryly, then turned around and continued with his drawing. That guy hated me.
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Re: True story, swear to gawd... (prose and cons) 

Post#66 » by AFM » Thu Jul 23, 2015 2:00 pm

Personally I think you should have been expelled for your distasteful homophobic comments.
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Re: True story, swear to gawd... (prose and cons) 

Post#67 » by montestewart » Thu Jul 23, 2015 5:24 pm

AFM wrote:Personally I think you should have been expelled for your distasteful homophobic comments.

He only gave me a B, because he liked Beuys.
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Re: True story, swear to gawd... (prose and cons) 

Post#68 » by doclinkin » Fri Jul 12, 2019 6:31 pm

Anybody got any stories to tell? True or fiction? I’m adapting a few scripts to stories. May drop a page or two on here.
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Re: True story, swear to gawd... 

Post#69 » by Ruzious » Fri Jul 12, 2019 6:44 pm

doclinkin wrote:
greendale wrote:I had a similar experience on a golf course. Hawks are indeed large and menacing creatures. Even if I were fond of squirrels there was no way I was going to attempt to rescue that squirrel from that hawk.

Another time I came across a young buck eating fruit off a crab apple tree (located between the fairways of numbers one and two on Greendale for those of you who are familiar with it). I decided to see how close I could get to the deer before scaring it off. When I was about 30 yards away, the buck started snorting and pawing the ground without actually looking directly at me. The scare-er became the scare-ee and I quickly began opening range.


I miss greendale, that old coot. Rest well wherever you are, my man.

Pif >>> greendale.
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Re: True story, swear to gawd... (prose and cons) 

Post#70 » by payitforward » Sat Jul 13, 2019 3:00 am

Greendale must have been gone before I got here. Stories are fun. Here's one on me:

In the mid-seventies (before most of you were born I'd wager) I lived in SF & had a job working for the city's Neighborhood Arts Program. The job was funded by a federal program called CETA (I don't recall what it stood for) which was designed to provide jobs for artists.

I'm a writer, & what I wound up doing mostly was writing funding proposals for community arts institutions which I'd then help them present to foundations -- looking for grant money. In that way, over a couple of years, I got to know a bunch of people in the foundation world of the Bay Area. One of them was a guy about my age. Lets call him Wally. His family owned... lets just say a big company that had been based in SF since its founding more than a 100 years earlier.

I was already a basketball fan -- a Warriors fan of course. This was a few years after we'd beaten the Bullets for the title, & the team was on the way down. Al Attles was both coach & GM. He wasn't a very good GM (one year the team drafted a guy whom nobody in the organization had ever seen play!), & I was frustrated by the brain-dead stuff he was doing.

One day, on impulse, I called Wally on the phone:

PIF: "Hi Wally; how are you."

Wally: "I'm good, PIF hope you are too -- what can I do for you, man?"

PIF: "Wally, I'd like you to do me a favor. Will you please introduce me to Franklin Mieuli (owner of the Warriors at the time) -- I want to be their GM."

There ensued a moment of silence. Followed by a loud guffaw. Then...

Wally (still chuckling, barely able to contain himself): "No, PIF, I won't do that. I won't introduce you to Franklin Mieuli so you can become the Warriors GM. Anything else on your mind?"

PIF: "But... but...."

Wally: "Nice talking with you, PIF. See you soon I'm sure."

...& he hung up. & that's why I never did become GM of the Warriors!
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Re: True story, swear to gawd... (prose and cons) 

Post#71 » by gambitx777 » Sat Jul 13, 2019 10:40 am

Most of my stories are not pg-13 what the rating limit on this thread l o l but I've got some good ones.
Like why I hate mayo! So right before the big dating apps were super huge, we had those discount random dating sites, y'all know the ones lol. I met this young lady online. cute girl not hot but had a pretty face and wasn't super unattractive or anything like that, looked tall in the pics and was a big curvey but again not bad, I'd say 5'7 190 ish . So I sent her a message. We talked and hit it off and she wanted to meet me. I said sure and made plans to meet up at McDonald's in the evening. She wanted to bring her two friends along just to be safe and I said that was fine. So I'm sitting there chilling. got a milk shake waiting.....waiting...........waiting..................and see them walk in...........one was tall and skinny the other short and chunky. They looked like discount Michael cera and Jack Black fresh from a D&D session ndneither looked like they had seen a pair of tits in their life that wasn't on their older brothers porno mags. The I saw her.... All 350+ pounds of her. Their hit me,she posted old pics. So they sit down. We talk and then they get up to go order. I walk with them. She say so I know I look just a bit different. I hope it's ok that I'm a fuller woman....I say sure no worries,( I'm not opposed to larger ladies I just wish she had been up front.). I don't remember what the friend zone squad got, but her she got 3 McDoubles, 2 McChickens, and 3 large fries and a diet Coke. And she ordered mayo from the counter. So we go back and sit down and as we are talking she dumps the fries out on the try and doesn't just dip them in the mayo, she covers them in mayo and mixes them up with her hands and just starts digging into them........to this day I can't look at mayo.

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Re: True story, swear to gawd... (prose and cons) 

Post#72 » by daSwami » Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:49 pm

This happened in March and I posted this to Facebook the next day:

Sunday afternoon I was walking my dog through the woods near my house when we were approached by a man dressed in military-style garb from the waist up (olive green jacket and skullcap, backpack and wrap-around shades), and more sensibly (read: like me) on his lower half: sweatpants and sneakers. He smelled of booze. The dog’s hackles were up, and mine were, too, honestly. Stranger danger. I quickly spun through some worst cases and landed (as usual) on: serial killer.

“Can you tell me how to get out of here?" he asked. “I need to get out of here.”

We walk and he talks.

He was an Army Captain and had done 18 months of active duty in the Hellman? Province … He’d spent the previous night sleeping here in the woods near the by-pass … He’d wanted to go for a hike at a mountain (somewhere behind us), but he somehow got lost … He did NOT want to go back to the hospital ... too much “red tape” … “stop losses”? … too many pills … He confides that he has beer in his backpack.

Somewhere along the way my fear morphs quickly into empathy. I see tears on his cheeks — and the whole throat-lump-tear-geyser progression spontaneously erupts, and — suddenly I’m a grown-ass man crying in the woods with a possible serial killer. EXACTLY why I never leave the house.

Over the next hour or so he uses my phone to call his mother (in Fredericksburg), tells her he’s ok and that he’s going to “hike it off.” I drive him across town to the park at the base of the mountain he’d gotten lost trying to find the evening before. Before leaving the car, he asks if I could call his mom back and tell her that I’d dropped him off at the mountain where he likes to go hiking. I say I would. I watch him disappear up the trail and call her immediately but she doesn’t answer, and her voice-mailbox was full. I try calling two more times later without success.
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Re: True story, swear to gawd... (prose and cons) 

Post#73 » by daSwami » Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:59 pm

*Addendum to the above: on the drive over to the mountain, the guy tells me there's a small but growing community of homeless veterans living in the woods of Monticello mountain (as in: Jefferson's Monticello.)
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Re: True story, swear to gawd... (prose and cons) 

Post#74 » by payitforward » Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:29 am

Wow...
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Re: True story, swear to gawd... (prose and cons) 

Post#75 » by doclinkin » Mon Mar 30, 2020 10:59 pm

Just a reminder. Stories, lies, fiction, reportage, feel free to fill these pages.
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Re: True story, swear to gawd... (prose and cons) 

Post#76 » by doclinkin » Thu May 21, 2020 5:13 pm

dckingsfan wrote:Have you thought about becoming a writer... really.


For what it's worth, I pay my mortgage with storytelling of a sort. :) It's one of various hustles I'm always in the middle of. I'm restless. I have um 9 zoom sessions a week right now running storytelling games and teaching art etc.

No I haven't tried to publish. Writing is something I enjoy, but you know me, I eschew rules of grammar. Beat punctuation to death. So while I enjoy the writer's workshop I participate in, so far I enjoy the process. Then too at times I am overtaken by events:

Ha! I had to abandon an Escape from New York zombie apocalypse story where a container ship from China was offloaded with trafficked immigrants infected by a fungus that caused a rage inducing infection. It had hopped from a cordyceps fungus in a poultry plant in Brazil to mammals to humans to destroy a port city in china...

And the story I was writing after that was a Rapture diary, told by a girl living in DC when the Biblical apocalypse hits. I'll probably come back to her when the Pandemic is over, it's just less fun to play with when the world is actually falling down.

Here's a piece of it:

===================================
Alice in the Apocalypse.

I.

BUGS BUG ME

The worst thing about the apocalypse is the damned bugs. Literally. Okay not literally the worst thing about the apocalypse, but the literally damned bugs.

Think about every time you ever swatted a mosquito, every horsefly that buzzed you at a swimming pool, every **** yellow jacket that chased you away from your soda at a picnic, you hate them, right? You shouted or swatted at them, you ran away. You cussed em out probably, right? Well every curse you ever threw at a bug, guess what? It worked. Bugs don’t really have a defense against that sort of thing. The ordinary Bad Will of a normer is enough to blow them away when they die. Poof like a flake of soot. You cuss them: they go direct to Abaddon and join the locust horde.

I mean unless someone blesses them too, you know. That works. But who blesses a bug, right?

The thing is: eternity echoes, you know. Like I could go into the details, but believe me, you don’t want to know. It’s just that everything you do has a sevenfold ripple. Like sevens folded within sevens. All seven dimensions of the Hepteract. Wait, I know you have no idea what I mean. I mean: okay, let me see if I can simplify: basically you are connected to everything that “Is” and “Is Not” in all seven dimensions of possibility. And all it takes is an act or intention to change everything that ever happened will happen or won’t happen. I mean, never mind, it would take too long to explain.

And anyway It will drive you crazy if you think about it. Like you should live intentionally with good spirit. But sometimes you just want to tell a bed bug to die, die, die die die. Die with poison and fire and walking through glass. Believe me. I caught bedbugs from Shauna’s brother’s couch when everyone crashed there last New Years and as far as I’m concerned an eternity of damnation is not enough for those things.

Except, well, now they came back. And they kinda got a grudge about it all.

I woke up this morning and it was dark outside. Nowadays I never know what to think but, stupid me, for a second I had a dream of hope that it was raining. Like **** me for being an idiot, but -- dim light? that rushing sound that drowns out the world? I even slept late for a change, No screaming or thuds and rumbles. I mean, yay! must be rain! Finally! The garden needs it, and maybe i’m abnormal but I always loved rain since I was little. I’m completely in love with it. Grey mist, thunderclouds, a week long monsoon. Bring it to me. Alice is happy.

But no, of course it wasn’t raining. Because nothing is ever allowed to be happy for me.

I got up. I opened the blinds and and aw what the hell, the windows were black with something, so I ran downstairs to open the front door and there they were. The entire screen door was covered with them. Bedbugs. Some the size of watermelons. Some with long bodies thick as pythons, or with horns or stingers or wings or tentacles -- all of them huge with a nasty attitude. All trying to get back in and get in my bed. And that whisper I thought was the rain was their million clicky legs all over the house and screens. And their hisses.

The apocalypse has a lot of “Oh **** That” moments. Every day is a new “Nope. Nope. Nope.” This one sent me back to bed for the Rest of Everything. I went back upstairs, sat down on the bed, and pulled the covers over my head like a fort. That’s it I quit. Done. You win.

But like anything else, Bad Things don’t **** off, uh sorry, ‘go away’ unless someone does something about it. And most of the time nowadays that someone seems to be me.

What I did was this. My dirty laundry, I made a pile. I pulled a handful of hair from every brush I had, which is easy because: curly hair. I rip a pile out every morning, and always seem to wake up with even more. I stuffed sweats and a hoodie with the pile of odd socks and holy t-shirts and granny panties I don't wear. I made another Alice and curled her up in my bed.

I tucked her in. Then I anointed her and the bed with consecrated oil, surrounded the bed with candles, each placed in a saucer of nail polish remover, and piled aerosol cans under the blankets. Then I whispered a prayer to her while wrote it on her little bundled head with eyeliner: שלא יידעו את האמת. “Let them not know the truth”. When I finished the symbols for truth “EMET” she breathed a deep sigh.

I left the laundry golem sleeping. Then grabbed my backpack, threw open the windows and front door. Critters fell inwards with a sound like slush falling off a roof. They started crawling. I paused to let them smell me, then I ran up the stairs, climbed up the attic ladder and out the raccoon hole in the roof.

Then I just walked away, rooftop to rooftop. I mean hey, a row house is good for something. I used to hate our neighbors because everytime they bombed for roaches we would get swarmed. In a row house whatever your neighbors have, you get too. But in this case I hope I did ‘get’ all my neighbors bugs. I could see the fire from my new squat ten blocks away. A rosy glow, a column of smoke rising up. Hopefully every bug in the world being carried away to another world in that pyre. I dunno.

Anyway, so far, knock wood, fingers crossed, n'shallah, it seems like it worked. I think I fooled the bugs and burned them out of my life. Or afterlife, or whatever all this mess is.

Sigh. Anyway, its late, I’m going to go to sleep. So, you know: Good night. Sleep tight… And you know the rest of that incantation…

=================================

That's a snippet of chapter 1.
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Re: True story, swear to gawd... (prose and cons) 

Post#77 » by doclinkin » Thu May 21, 2020 5:13 pm

I draw more than write actually. And am 40 pages into a graphic novel, among other projects. If you're curious DM me and I can link you to whatever I'm sketching nowadays.
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Re: True story, swear to gawd... (prose and cons) 

Post#78 » by payitforward » Thu May 21, 2020 7:10 pm

Great stuff, doc.

Where does the Hebrew citation come from? Google isn't being very helpful.
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Re: True story, swear to gawd... (prose and cons) 

Post#79 » by doclinkin » Thu May 21, 2020 9:59 pm

payitforward wrote:Great stuff, doc.

Where does the Hebrew citation come from? Google isn't being very helpful.


I ran a phrase through google translate. I wanted a play off the golem myth. The golem came to life when the final character was written on its forehead. After it rampaged, in order to put it to sleep the rebbe wiped the final character off it's head and it fell inert.

The girl's parent are Federal witches working for the Occult Science division of the NSA, so she has grounding in various mystic traditions. I figure Jewish folk magic and cryptomancy would be one.
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Re: True story, swear to gawd... (prose and cons) 

Post#80 » by Chocolate City Jordanaire » Fri May 22, 2020 3:17 am

Hershel Walker, Amy Schumer, Anna Kendrick, Zac Efron, Adam Devine, Hawaii Five-O, Magnum PI, some Kong movie yet to be released and the lead actor, a comedy special filmed at a beach, Petey Greene, Len Bias, Zach Randolph, Bobby Simmons, Clifford Ray, Marques Johnson, Kiki Vandeweghe, Kwame Brown, Albert King, Greg Ballard, plus around a dozen local Hawaiian athletes whose names you would know.

I probably have a story about most of them.

Can't say anything special about any of them

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