If Not For The NBA Lockout ...

[BigSlam]

Piggy backing on RB's piece (http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2011/1 ... ckout.html), IF the Bobcats had have played the Bucks tonight like they should have, what do you think would have happened?

Here is my break down:

- Starting line up for the Bobcats is DJA - Hendo - Mags - Boris - T2.

- Within the 1st 2 mins T2 is all over the court, jumping around like a frog in a blender and picks up his 3rd foul (all picked up no less than 20ft away from the rim) and is sent to the pine. Boris moves to the 5 spot with DJW holding down the 4 spot.

- DJA starts the game on fire. Draining 3's, setting up easy baskets with drives and no look passes to his team mates and even hitting several floaters which have the fans thinking "maybe, just maybe...." Skiles calls a time out as the Bobcats race out to a 24 - 4 lead thanks to DJA.

- The Bucks return from the time out and before a whistle is even blown, Stephen Jackson walks over to DJA, kneels down on one knee, takes DJA over his lap, pulls his pants down and starts spanking him. Between each spanking Jackson is heard to say "this (spank) hurts (spank) me (spank) more (spank) than (spank) it (spank) hurts (spank) you". Skiles plan in the time out is obvious, he wants to shake DJA and his confidence. It works. DJA is invisible the rest of the 1st, goes to the locker room at the end of the qtr and is not heard from for the rest of the game. Sobs can be heard from the Bobcats room the rest of the game.

- Kemba plays the rest of the 3 qtrs logging 36 straight mins without rest. Even during time outs and quarter breaks he decides to run suicides to the amazement of the crowd. Coach Silas just looks at him, slightly tilts his head to the side and while rubbing his belly is heard to say "Dang kids. Dang energy. Dang I gots to gets me a hot dog". Kemba finishes the game with an amazing 42 points. Unfortunately they came on 21 from 82 from the floor (including 0-12 from three). Fortunately Brandon Jennings finished with 28 points but that was on 14 from 108, so Kemba still looked like the much better PG.

- Corey Maggette and Stephen Jackson have a "jab step off" the entire 2nd qtr where they each take turns of isolating each other on the wing, clearing the floor out and job stepping in different directions without actually doing anything and then as the shot clock expires, throwing their arms up trying to draw a foul. They don't draw fouls and the quarter ends with neither team scoring. In the end, Maggette gets injured (again) and Jackson gets tossed for arguing with the refs (again). The most interesting part was at half time when Maggette accidentally went to the Bucks locker room and Jackson accidentally went to the Bobcats locker room.

- T2 checks back in at the start of the 2nd half, picks up 3 more fouls as the ball in inbounded and is sent back to the bench.

- With Maggette out injured (again), Hammer gets the start to begin the 3rd with Hendo right next to him. Hendo has been quiet thanks to Kemba taking so many shots and Maggette milking the clock. His D has been a thing of beauty though. He has steals off Douglas Roberts, Jackson, Jennings and Livingston. He even stole the heart of Kim Kardashian who happens to be sitting courtside looking for the next Mr Kardashian. Post game Hendo tells reporters "you heard of black mamba? I got your black mamba right here only it's not black, it's white and it's not a mamba, it's a Louisiana pine snake. Yeah, that's right. You can call me the white Louisiana pine snake". Hendo then announces that he had been speaking with MJ and how much he enjoyed leaving basketball to play baseball so Hendo was going to do the same thing only to play golf professionally. He announces his immediate retirement from the game of basketball, thanking MJ for the inspiration. Camera's pan to MJ who is choking on a fat cigar.

- Hammer lights up and makes 6 three point shots on only 4 attempts. How can you make 6 shots on only 4 attempts? You can't. Only Hammer can. He's just that good. Don't try to fight it, just go with it.

- During the 4th qtr, Diaw collapses at half court. Turns out his arteries completely shut down because they had been pushing so much blue cheese, bread, red wine and escargot through his body. Green Peace is called in, he's doused with water and rolled off the court. Coach Silas is in a state of shock. With MJ's penny pinching ways he refused to sign a FA center, Diop is still out, T2 has fouled out and Boris might be dead. With no bigs left on the bench he is not sure what to do. With that, a rumbling is heard in the far off distance. Coach Silas looks down at his gatorade and, not unlike Jurassic Park when the glass of water rippled with each of the T-Rex's foot steps, his drink is rippling like the beat of a drum. A silence falls over the crowd as the noise and vibrations draw near and then, in one giant gust, the doors burst open and Bismack Biyombo stands there with a snarl on his face, his head whipping around like a wild animal as he looks into the crowd. His wrists and ankles are chained but with one powerful thrust he breaks the chains and is free. He storms towards Coach Silas and says "Bismack here now. Spain team no problem. Bismack smash Spain team. Spain team no more. Bismack Bobcat. Bismack play. BISMACK PLAY NOW". Biyombo checks into the game.

- Within 30 seconds Biz grabs Gooden's newest facial hair creation and rips it off his face - or more out of his face removing every hair from the roots with one swoop. He picks up Brandon Jennings, eats him and poops him out at the Bucks free throw line. He stares full court at Andrew Bogut and with Kemba yelling at the top of his voice and in Mortal Kombat style "FINISH HIM", Biz charges at Bogut and removes Bogut's head and spine in a way that would make Sub Zero proud. Tobias Harris 3P's (pees, poops and pukes) all at the same time, curls into the fetal position and starts sucking his thumb. Shaun Livingston's other knee explodes and Biz uses his dismantled knee cap by making a necklace out of it and Bogut's spine, presenting it to Kim Kardashian court size who immediately starts touching herself in a way only Kim Kardashian can.

- Bobcats come away with the win, Biz goes all "Congo" on Kardashian back at the hotel room all night long and some where, Michael Jordan hitches his pants up another inch, proud of all he has created.

[fatlever]

can we get a boxscore slam?

[SWedd523]

and how about a highlight vid?

[ohara]

That is a post for the ages!

[BigSlam]

can we get a boxscore slam?

DJA: 12mins, 12pts (2/2 from three & 3/3 from the floor), 6 assists, 0 turn overs, 1 blankie

Hendo: 36mins, 4pts (2/4), 6 reounds, 2 assists, 8 steals, 4 offensive fouls drawn, 6 under par

Mags: 16mins, 6pts (3/8), 7 boards, 0 assists, 1 sprained nipple

Boris: 30mins, 0 points (0/0) 2 boards, 1 block, 4 assists, 10 turn overs, 3 heart splints

T2: 2mins, 4 points (2/2), 8 boards, 6 blocks, 6 fouls, 4 Sportscentre plays

Kemba: 36mins, 42points (0/12 from three & 21/82), 6 boards, 2 accidental assists, 2 turn overs, 1 RoY RGM thread

Hammer: 24mins, 18pts, (6/6 from three), 18 boards, 10 assists, 5 steals, 1 awesome shaggy hair cut

DJW: 20mins, 4pts, 5 boards, 1 Primoz Brezec running down the court impersonation

Biz: 30 secs, 10pts (5/5 - all dunks), 10 boards, 10 blocks, 10 fouls (but everyone was too scared to tell him to leave the court after his 6th so he stayed on and kept playing) and 1 NBA put on notice

[BigSlam]

and how about a highlight vid?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7IGPv2r_A1o

[captaincrunk]

ahahhahahaa

I enjoyed that

[fatlever]

great stuff slam.

i love the boris line with 30 mins and 0 shot attempts. hahaha.

and another video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lx6wNDUq6oI

[Kembastockton]

Funny stuff.

[Elden Payton]

Piggy backing on RB's piece (http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2011/1 ... ckout.html), IF the Bobcats had have played the Bucks tonight like they should have, what do you think would have happened?

Here is my break down:

- Starting line up for the Bobcats is DJA - Hendo - Mags - Boris - T2.

- Within the 1st 2 mins T2 is all over the court, jumping around like a frog in a blender and picks up his 3rd foul (all picked up no less than 20ft away from the rim) and is sent to the pine. Boris moves to the 5 spot with DJW holding down the 4 spot.

- DJA starts the game on fire. Draining 3's, setting up easy baskets with drives and no look passes to his team mates and even hitting several floaters which have the fans thinking "maybe, just maybe...." Skiles calls a time out as the Bobcats race out to a 24 - 4 lead thanks to DJA.

- The Bucks return from the time out and before a whistle is even blown, Stephen Jackson walks over to DJA, kneels down on one knee, takes DJA over his lap, pulls his pants down and starts spanking him. Between each spanking Jackson is heard to say "this (spank) hurts (spank) me (spank) more (spank) than (spank) it (spank) hurts (spank) you". Skiles plan in the time out is obvious, he wants to shake DJA and his confidence. It works. DJA is invisible the rest of the 1st, goes to the locker room at the end of the qtr and is not heard from for the rest of the game. Sobs can be heard from the Bobcats room the rest of the game.

- Kemba plays the rest of the 3 qtrs logging 36 straight mins without rest. Even during time outs and quarter breaks he decides to run suicides to the amazement of the crowd. Coach Silas just looks at him, slightly tilts his head to the side and while rubbing his belly is heard to say "Dang kids. Dang energy. Dang I gots to gets me a hot dog". Kemba finishes the game with an amazing 42 points. Unfortunately they came on 21 from 82 from the floor (including 0-12 from three). Fortunately Brandon Jennings finished with 28 points but that was on 14 from 108, so Kemba still looked like the much better PG.

- Corey Maggette and Stephen Jackson have a "jab step off" the entire 2nd qtr where they each take turns of isolating each other on the wing, clearing the floor out and job stepping in different directions without actually doing anything and then as the shot clock expires, throwing their arms up trying to draw a foul. They don't draw fouls and the quarter ends with neither team scoring. In the end, Maggette gets injured (again) and Jackson gets tossed for arguing with the refs (again). The most interesting part was at half time when Maggette accidentally went to the Bucks locker room and Jackson accidentally went to the Bobcats locker room.

- T2 checks back in at the start of the 2nd half, picks up 3 more fouls as the ball in inbounded and is sent back to the bench.

- With Maggette out injured (again), Hammer gets the start to begin the 3rd with Hendo right next to him. Hendo has been quiet thanks to Kemba taking so many shots and Maggette milking the clock. His D has been a thing of beauty though. He has steals off Douglas Roberts, Jackson, Jennings and Livingston. He even stole the heart of Kim Kardashian who happens to be sitting courtside looking for the next Mr Kardashian. Post game Hendo tells reporters "you heard of black mamba? I got your black mamba right here only it's not black, it's white and it's not a mamba, it's a Louisiana pine snake. Yeah, that's right. You can call me the white Louisiana pine snake". Hendo then announces that he had been speaking with MJ and how much he enjoyed leaving basketball to play baseball so Hendo was going to do the same thing only to play golf professionally. He announces his immediate retirement from the game of basketball, thanking MJ for the inspiration. Camera's pan to MJ who is choking on a fat cigar.

- Hammer lights up and makes 6 three point shots on only 4 attempts. How can you make 6 shots on only 4 attempts? You can't. Only Hammer can. He's just that good. Don't try to fight it, just go with it.

- During the 4th qtr, Diaw collapses at half court. Turns out his arteries completely shut down because they had been pushing so much blue cheese, bread, red wine and escargot through his body. Green Peace is called in, he's doused with water and rolled off the court. Coach Silas is in a state of shock. With MJ's penny pinching ways he refused to sign a FA center, Diop is still out, T2 has fouled out and Boris might be dead. With no bigs left on the bench he is not sure what to do. With that, a rumbling is heard in the far off distance. Coach Silas looks down at his gatorade and, not unlike Jurassic Park when the glass of water rippled with each of the T-Rex's foot steps, his drink is rippling like the beat of a drum. A silence falls over the crowd as the noise and vibrations draw near and then, in one giant gust, the doors burst open and Bismack Biyombo stands there with a snarl on his face, his head whipping around like a wild animal as he looks into the crowd. His wrists and ankles are chained but with one powerful thrust he breaks the chains and is free. He storms towards Coach Silas and says "Bismack here now. Spain team no problem. Bismack smash Spain team. Spain team no more. Bismack Bobcat. Bismack play. BISMACK PLAY NOW". Biyombo checks into the game.

- Within 30 seconds Biz grabs Gooden's newest facial hair creation and rips it off his face - or more out of his face removing every hair from the roots with one swoop. He picks up Brandon Jennings, eats him and poops him out at the Bucks free throw line. He stares full court at Andrew Bogut and with Kemba yelling at the top of his voice and in Mortal Kombat style "FINISH HIM", Biz charges at Bogut and removes Bogut's head and spine in a way that would make Sub Zero proud. Tobias Harris 3P's (pees, poops and pukes) all at the same time, curls into the fetal position and starts sucking his thumb. Shaun Livingston's other knee explodes and Biz uses his dismantled knee cap by making a necklace out of it and Bogut's spine, presenting it to Kim Kardashian court size who immediately starts touching herself in a way only Kim Kardashian can.

- Bobcats come away with the win, Biz goes all "Congo" on Kardashian back at the hotel room all night long and some where, Michael Jordan hitches his pants up another inch, proud of all he has created.

Can you please induct yourself into our Hall of Fame??

[Felton for Pres]

- Corey Maggette and Stephen Jackson have a "jab step off" the entire 2nd qtr where they each take turns of isolating each other on the wing, clearing the floor out and job stepping in different directions without actually doing anything and then as the shot clock expires, throwing their arms up trying to draw a foul. They don't draw fouls and the quarter ends with neither team scoring. In the end, Maggette gets injured (again) and Jackson gets tossed for arguing with the refs (again). The most interesting part was at half time when Maggette accidentally went to the Bucks locker room and Jackson accidentally went to the Bobcats locker room.

Easily my favorite part. The sad thing is, it would probably be for the entire game and not just the 2nd qtr.

[fatlever]

slam, i think you need to give us another game.

or maybe we can all take turns coming up with game recaps and boxscores for some of our games while we ride this out. i think this would be fun.

[Rich4114]

wow, I haven't bothered to come on here for some time and I come back to see us creating fictional games and pretending there is a season. lol This lockout nonsense needs to end soon. Every time I look at it though it seems it's gotten worse.

Since we are able to make up whatever scenario we want, then after the game we traded Hendo and Mags for Wade and Lebron. The Magic also cut D12 and we signed him for $1.

Onto the next game guys!

[Diop]

Saw this on twitter and it reminded me of this thread.

Very strange phenomenon. RT @MarkDeeksNBA: Boris Diaw seems to be averaging less points in the French 2nd division than he did in the NBA.

Only Diaw could go to a lesser league and score less.

[Eoghan]

You forgot the part where Carlos Delfino inexplicably lights us up from downtown.