offseason homework

[fatlever]

if you were LB what offseason homework would you send home with each player?

here's mine

wallace - come to camp in top shape, ball handling drills, mid-range jumpers, see a speech therapist.
felton - shooting drills, shooting drills, shooting drills, go to the park play HORSE with anyone
okafor - 12-15ft jumpers, 1000 per day. randomly punch 5 people in the face each week.
dj - do everything left handed, eat, drive, spank, wipe your ass.... all left handed. dude has to get past the right hand dominance.
diaw - replace all that fat with muscle, and free throws all summer
bell - stay off that groin, get a nice massage therapist to work on the groin, find a divorce lawyer after wife finds you wife hot massage therapist working on groin.
diop - free throws, baby hooks, more youtube videos.
radman - NO SNOWBOARDING... on second thought.. if he does get injured snowboarding maybe we can void his contract and use his money to sign somebody much better.
ajinca - eat, lift weights, repeat.
may - dont eat, repeat
singletary - go to europe, stay
martin - get an insurance sales liscense
jefferson - drive martin to get his insurance sales liscense
nazr - undo the horribleness of your exsistence by convincing dumars to send us herrmann for a 2nd round pick.
howard - just keep doing what you've been doing.

[BigSlam]

Crash - Come to camp in shape. Watch endless hours of Scottie Pippen footage.

Felts - Realise you are better in the paint than you are with a jump shot. Watch endless hours of Tony Parker footage

EO50 - Take as many FT's a day that it takes to have your knock down 8 out of 10 from the line without even thinking about it when anyone asks. Watch endless hours of Al Jefferson footage.

DJ - Learn that traps are called traps because opposing players try to trap you in them so you have to either avoid them or learn to get out of them. Watch endless hours of Steve Nash footage.

Diaw - Stay away from wine, cheese and bread over the summer and come to camp angry and assertive. Watch endless hours of Kevin Garnett footage.

Raja - Rest and get your body right for next years assault on the playoffs. Watch endless amounts of LBJ footage (to work out a way to stop him!!)

Gana - Take as many FT's a day that it takes to have your knock down 8 out of 10 from the line without even thinking about it when anyone asks. Watch endless amounts of Z footage.

Radman - Remember your bread and butter is to catch and shoot. Watch endless amounts of Peja footage.

Lex- Roids. You wont get caught. Don't worry about it. Watch endless amounts of Chris Bosh footage.

May - Forget 260lb. Work on making 245lb your goal and come to camp to prove all the doubters wrong. Watch endless amounts of Udonis Haslem and Carlos Boozer footage from their college days and see what they have been able to do.

TMNT - Take an ADD class. Watch endless hours of Monta Ellis footage.

Singo - Try and get traded to 6 different teams in one summer again. Bet you can't.

Martin - Tell the D league guys I say hi.

Nazzy - Stay healthy so teams will be more interested in trading for you.

Howard - Phone DA and both of you approach MJ asking to be a part of the front office with a view to take over from LB in a couple of years.

[e4Nf6]

If Felton does nothing but shoot 1000 jumpers a day it won't work. He'll just ingrain his "snow-flake" jump shooting technique even more. He needs to work with somebody who knows shooting to help him with his form. He needs Dell Curry or somebody to stand there and tell him that he isn't balanced when he goes up, or that he needs to let his legs do the work and not move his arms so much, etc. That's why learning to hit jump shots is far from easy and so few guys can do it. If you change your form (that you've probably had since you were 10) your initial results will be bad, and it's difficult to stay the course.

I personally think a more realistic goal is to cut down on turnovers and finish better at the rim. I think Tony Parker is a good target for Felts, a guy who can score a bunch of points and carry a team without being a great jump-shooter.

[Dexmor]

if you were LB what offseason homework would you send home with each player?

here's mine

wallace - come to camp in top shape, ball handling drills, mid-range jumpers, see a speech therapist.
felton - shooting drills, shooting drills, shooting drills, go to the park play HORSE with anyone
okafor - 12-15ft jumpers, 1000 per day. randomly punch 5 people in the face each week.
dj - do everything left handed, eat, drive, spank, wipe your ass.... all left handed. dude has to get past the right hand dominance.
diaw - replace all that fat with muscle, and free throws all summer
bell - stay off that groin, get a nice massage therapist to work on the groin, find a divorce lawyer after wife finds you wife hot massage therapist working on groin.
diop - free throws, baby hooks, more youtube videos.
radman - NO SNOWBOARDING... on second thought.. if he does get injured snowboarding maybe we can void his contract and use his money to sign somebody much better.
ajinca - eat, lift weights, repeat.
may - dont eat, repeat
singletary - go to europe, stay
martin - get an insurance sales liscense
jefferson - drive martin to get his insurance sales liscense
nazr - undo the horribleness of your exsistence by convincing dumars to send us herrmann for a 2nd round pick.
howard - just keep doing what you've been doing.

..........................................

Wallace-Learn to create and dribble better and shoot the 3.

Radman-Hit the gym and learn to post and rebound

Felton-Shoot until your arms fall off.

DJ-Take roids and live in the gym.

Diaw-Figure out what a gym is fatass.

Alexa-Take roids and eat more then 5000 calories

Diop-Perfect 1 move

Mek-Learn to shoot and perfect a hook with 1 other move you underachiving overrated piece of crap

Bell-Your old so rest

Sean S-Learn to pass and dribble better. Run run and run some more to get faster.

Jefferson-Work out your legs like crazy to get a higher verticle.

Howard-Please come back next year

May-read the Oliver Miller story.

Cartier Martin-Give up, you don't have a shot. Dont know why you were liked on this board.

[SteveMorrison15]

ajinca - eat, lift weights, repeat.
may - dont eat, repeat

martin - get an insurance sales liscense
jefferson - drive martin to get his insurance sales liscense

I love the 2 part-R's.

[Walt Cronkite]

Crash - Watch endless hours of Bruce Bowen kung fu kicking highlights. Become the lockdown defender that people randomly claim you are.

Felts - Layups... work on making them. Hang out with your teammates and stuff. Decide they're worthy of being given the ball in the 4th quarter. Sign for cheap.

Okafor - Go hang with Hakeem some more. Visit the zoo. Regain eye of the tiger.

DJ - Keep positive, Felts can't steal your shine forever. (Seriously though, take to heart everyone else's suggestions. Right hand, defense, blah blah blah).

Diaw - Spend time with mad scientists. Convince them to clone your right hand and replace it over your left. Get le ripped.

Raja - Find fountain of youth. Bathe there. Bottle the remainder for the inevitably brutal post all-star break road rampage.

Gana - hang with Mek. find out what he's incapable of doing. Master those things. Also, try to be less of an offensive liability...

Radmanovic - Unless you grow a stupid stache, I don't think you could ever be more worthless than your replacement. Do as you please.

Alexis- Eat many Royales with Cheese. Also, Le Big Macs.

May - Watch endless footage of your college self.

Little Sean- Find nice apartments in Sioux Falls, Tulsa, FTW, etc.

Bling - See if Sean needs a roomie.

Donatello - Keep practicing with that bo staff.

Nazzy - 2 more years!

Howard - Continue to provide sage wisdom.

[chrbal]

Okafor- Play street basketball in a really hardcore streetball area. DEVELOP A KILLER INSTINCT. Stop watching highlights of Horace Grant.

Mohammed- Demand a trade, I think that would be funny.

Bell- Get team to draft a SG and/or sign a SG. You need help/depth and I don't blame you for wearing out. I kind of fell like you should be a 6th man.

Diaw- Keep doing what you have been doing since you have become a Bobcat.

May- GOD, how i loathe you.

Diop- Shaq is almost hitting 60% of his free throws. I'm just saying.

Alexis Ajinca- Get ready for 8 minutes a game, every so often, at the NBA level.

Singletary- Study film of Will Bynum and find an NBADL team that you can start for.

Cartier Martin and Dontell Jefferson- Prepare for being a starter...on the Summer League team.

Juwan Howard- Resign. You at 36 is helluva lot better then May at 24. You see that fatty, an old guy is better then your fat ass.

[Rich4114]

LOL, Okafor get punched in the face 5 times per day. Seriously, the few times I've seen him, Wallace, or Felton get angry their level of play goes WAY up. We need Mr. T to come on as part of the assistant staff and just keep these guys angry all game.

[chrbal]

Mohammed- Demand a trade, I think that would be funny.

Not to toot my own horn or anything, but read the article. Its starting already.

http://www.rockymounttelegram.com/news/ ... 51024.html

[fatlever]

good god, why is the observer getting scooped by the rocky mount telegram.

nazr seems really upset. god what an awful trade.

[chrbal]

Yeah, I thought that was odd. I think that they mostly reported it because Steven Hunter did pretty much the same thing, but still.

[Dexmor]

Idk if it's fair to say Felton needs to pass more cause who can score in the crunch? DJ but thats it besides Felton and Wallace if he has a mismatch were he can just drive it.