Flowcharts for NBA players' minds

[raleigh]

John Salmons.

Do I have the ball?

Yes - Jab step

No - stand still waiting for the ball trying to control right leg from Jab stepping uncontrollably.

Where's the animated gif?

[lilfishi22]

Hedo Turkoglu:

Did I come out tonight early, aggressive? What was different for me tonight, in terms of just setting the tone with my game in this game?
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No
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Yes - "Ball"

[bigbreakfast]

Hedo Turkoglu:

Did I come out tonight early, aggressive? What was different for me tonight, in terms of just setting the tone with my game in this game?
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.
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No
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Yes - "Ball"

lol... good one

[supaSPED]

Richard Jefferson going on a date
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Is it a guy?
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Yes - Go wild
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No - Pretend to love her, propose, than break it off right before the wedding cuz you're "scared". RJ, we know the truth.

[SWedd523]

Antoine Walker


Are there fours?
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.
.
NO------> Shoot a three

Absolutely hilarious

[Tom Baker]

Kudos to you, my good man.

[Tom Baker]

Antoine Walker


Are there fours?
.
.
.
NO------> Shoot a three

[nesta]

Pau Gasol

Do I have the ball?
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No ------------------> Fix Hair
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Yes
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Am I open?
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Yes -----------------> Shoot the J
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No
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Am I doubled teamed?
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No -----------------> Shoot a hook shot
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Yes----------------->Scream AND1 while flopping and shooting

[reppinthe916]

John Salmons.

Do I have the ball?

Yes - Jab step

No - stand still waiting for the ball trying to control right leg from Jab stepping uncontrollably.

Where's the animated gif?

[raleigh]

Pure awesomeness.

[stacey_is_king]

Once again, this was my thread, so I chose to go through all the replies. I can't magically predict whether or not a certain post is going to piss me off and then skip it. I don't "have a choice to just not read them" if I don't know exactly what they are in the first place. That's why I don't even bother with the current LeBron/Heat threads; I know what they are and I skip them. I don't do youtube comments, 4chan, and I even tend to avoid facebook comments, etc., so when a topic that I created with a specific purpose in mind contains mindless, cliched, and overdone bashing of two great NBA players, I feel that I'm allowed three ****ing sentences of cynicism. It's not like I was going to follow it up with anything. And of course I've seen a scroll button. You act as if you've never learned how to properly use hyperbole (not like I do either, that's why I don't use it). I was never as pissed off as you act like I was; I had three sentences of angst before you came along. I DO skip the entire thread if I know it's going to be full of "dumbassery" or if I know it's going to piss me off. I'm already doing exactly what you advise, like this from your last post: "And the funny thing is, like I've said before, instead of using that beautiful brain of yours to think of a new topic you'd like to discuss and let the simpletons have their fun." You didn't even address the fact that I said that I already do that. Are you just selectively ignoring certain things?

All the other stuff you're saying doesn't even matter...what are you trying to do, convince me to not be pissed, to let it go, to chill? The fact that you're telling me that the internet is made a variety of people who join forces to be very annoying is not a comfort at all; it certainly doesn't make them less annoying.

I get pissed at annoying people. I wrote three sentences demonstrating I was annoyed. Annoying people on the internet annoy me. My three sentences were warranted.

HOLY HELL. Calm down dude!

[Clangus]

John Salmons.

Do I have the ball?

Yes - Jab step

No - stand still waiting for the ball trying to control right leg from Jab stepping uncontrollably.

Where's the animated gif?

this is so lol

[Volcano]

Lebron:
Is Lebron's team winning?
/
/
/
No
---> Lebron will day dream about playing with Dwayne Wade. Oh wait! He's right next to me..I mean right next to Lebron. Man, this Bush guy sucks.
/
/
/
Yes
---> *bow-chicka-bow-wow*...hmm..Joakim's staring at Lebron with those lusty eyes. Lebron gon walk over and give him some man suga.


Kobe:
Is my team winning?
/
/
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No
---> It's Kobe time. Get me the damn ball and let me jack it up.
/
/
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Yes
---> It's Kobe time. Get me the damn ball and let me jack it up.

[StocktonShorts]

Antoine Walker


Are there fours?
.
.
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NO------> Shoot a three

best one yet.

by far the best one

[BubbaTee]

Don Nelson

Do I have any players taller than 6'5"?
]
]
]
NO --------- sign anonymous 6'9" guy from the CBA.
]
]
]
]
YES -------- tell him to change the ceiling light bulb, play CJ Watson at C.



Darko

Does the ref have a daughter?
]
]
]
YES ------- rape her
]
]
]
NO ------- rape his mother

[Guy986]

Kevin Martin



Do i have the ball?

No----> Run around the court through screens to create separation from the defender. Occasionally bump into somebody and fall down hoping for a foul call.


Yes, and there is separation between me and the defender-------> Shoot


Yes, and there is no separation between me and the defender--------> pumpfake


Did he bite on my pumpfake?

No------> keep pumpfaking

Yes------> jump into him

[Mamba Venom]

Shaq

Shooting a free throw

No - teamates are not short of breath

Yes -

lick top lip

lick bottom lip

repeat 5 times

palm ball with right hand

wipe the poring sweat off forehead with left hand (a true big man always sweats even after just a few secs of burn)

re-palm the ball with right hand to feel every crease and find the biggest one

quickly raise the ball with one hand

pull the ball closer to face and sight the basket like I am shooting a gun

bend knees and start the shooting motion

raise body and ....

don't shoot ... not yet

jerk body downward and forward but fight the forward motion that is nastier than Barkley's golf swing to stay behind the stripes

compensate for forward motion by adding backward motion to cancel it out... Big Shaq got this

now add upward motion and pitch the ball in

release ball without arc

if it goes in

I make them when they count

if it doesnt

Shift focus away from lousy free throw shooting in post game interview with witty comment / combination of comments about

bash big man

bash former teamate

bash Pat Riley

bash Jerry Buss

bash Master of panic and / or Dwigth

praise current teamate as all-time great, best in the game

statement never was Kobe feud

statement Shaq vs.

bash Eric Dampeer even though he is hardly in the league anymore

statement Superman

statement Duncan praise

statement about own greatness

Bash Riley-Buss-Phil Jackson-Kobe-Conditioning-Wade-Nash-LeBron-Mo-Dwigth-Stan-Dampeer-Queens-Bosh-the rules-state Mark Cuban is my homeboy-promote next social networking site--recruit AI to the Celtics in one single Shaq sized statement

[rocketsballin]

mutombo

do i have the ball?
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yes.......do the slowest, ugliest hook shot you can do




rafer alston

do i have the ball
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yes.......shoot a brick
yes.......shoot an open brick
yes.......shoot a WIDE OPEN BRICK
yes.......shoot a WIDE OPEN 3PTER BRICK
yes.......make defender skip to my lou so i can shoot a wide open brick
..
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do i have the ball that i got from my own rebound after bricking an OPEN 3 that i shot after getting the ball in the tip off from overtime?
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yes.....shoot an open 3 brick shot

punk bitch, i'll never forget that

[rocketsballin]

kobe

do i have the ball?
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yes.....shoot the ball
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no......when we're on the plane, watch the gametape and tell the teammate who didnt pass the ball to watch the part where he didnt pass the ball to me, and tell him he needs to improve on that

[CutScrot]

Lebron:
Do I, Lebron, have the ball?
/
/
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No
---> Lebron will day dream about playing with Dwayne Wade. Oh wait! He's right next to me..I mean right next to Lebron.
/
/
/
Yes
---> Lebron should dribble once, take two steps and a crab shuffle and dunk. Note to Lebron: What Lebron does with the ball is no simple matter. Lebron must hold a one hour ESPN special on how Lebron decided to dunk. Fans must not know that Lebron had already planned to dunk before he got the ball.


Kobe:
Do I have the ball?
/
/
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No
---> Wave my hands up and down in the air until I get the ball
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Yes
---> If I'm getting single coverage, take a shot
---> If I'm getting double teamed, take a shot
---> If I'm getting triple teamed, take a fade away shot
---> If four guys are on me, take a fade away and stick out my bottom teeth like I'm awesome. People will associate me with this face like they do with MJ's tongue.
---> If five guys are on me, maybe pass it to Gasol. Nah, take the shot just to be safe.