Top Ten Names for Portland's D-League Team

vwoodruff · Post #1 » by **vwoodruff** » Thu Mar 5, 2009 4:01 pm

As a Mainer-in-exile, I am fully distraught over the ridiculous options for naming the new D-League team in Portland. There are so many better names that are Maine specific, and I present them to the loyal readers of RealGM.

Without further ado...

(10) Blodgetts - for Christ's sake, everything else about Maine basketball revolves around the local girl gone good. She did have a stint in the WNBA for the Rockers... and I guarantee that's the only WNBA trivia I know (Well except for Karl Malone's illegitimate daughter and the Sheryl Swoops pregnancy. Goddammit, why does the NBA have to sneak all of that stuff into their NBA telecasts?). Players celebrate opening night by playing the entire game in short, brown, curly "Euro" wigs.

(9) Massholes - there will be undoubtedly several Massachussetts residents on the team. This name would pay tribute to all those out-of-staters who visit the wonderful rural areas of our state without checking their city culture at the Piscataqua River Bridge (All of you RealGM'ers who check it are welcome anytime!). Lord knows the locals would come out to see the crazy things those Massholes do!

(8) Chickadees - hell, if we're going to put the "Swarm" out there because it's related to the state insect (which is a bunch of BS... I love bees, but the black fly is the real state insect), why not go with the state bird. What says "tenacity" more than the resilient year-round black-capped chickadee. And they sure are cute...

(7) Barrens - Bad spellers with think it's the runner-up name for the "team formerly known as the Seattle Supersonics," but we linguists will know the name refers to the shallow-soiled areas downeast where we broke our backs and burned our necks in exchange for a handful of blueberries. Commemorative blueberry rakes for the first 500 fans...

(6) Microbrews - Man, think of the sponsorship opportunities... and Milwaukee's already opened the door.

(5) Beaners - since the lobstering industry was in the room for the first round of nickname discussions, why not go fully corporate by inviting a certain L.L. (and I ain't talkin' 'bout a Cool J) to the table. (editor: umm, I'm not sure that 'Beaner' is a politically correct term)

Oops.... (5b) Bean Boots - A game is scheduled every year to commemorate Leon Leonwood Bean in which both teams have to play in a pair of Maine Hunting Boots. God, that would be way better to watch than Andrew Bynum in short shorts.

(4) Pulpers - in honor of the dying paper industry... on opening night, bottles of the fragrance "eau de Pulp Mill - the essence of Stinkin' Lincoln" are distributed to the first 500 fans. The scent brings on deep nolstagic memories for the fans, who show up instinctively to every home game with mosquito nets and a case of Milwaukee's Best

(3) Chowdah-heads - big foam hats in the form of bowls. Scratch that... you wear a big bread bowl hat to the game, it gets filled with Chowdah... clam, lobstah, corn... your choice. Mmmmm...

(2) Pubcrawlers - where else in the country (Fells Point in Baltimore, I guess), can one get hammered and try to navigate centuries-old cobblestone streets?

(1) Longfellows - in honor of local scribe Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. An amazing writer and an amazing double entendre.

greenbeans · Post #2 » by **greenbeans** » Thu Mar 5, 2009 4:23 pm

I was gonna hate because this is like the 5th Portland/D-League thread but I like what your going with.

Nantucket is also a cobblestone hotbed

Prophet_C · Post #3 » by **Prophet_C** » Thu Mar 5, 2009 4:38 pm

Nah it's only like the third

Pogue Mahone · Post #4 » by **Pogue Mahone** » Thu Mar 5, 2009 5:07 pm

Or you could just go with "Beans". You have the obvious LL Bean and lesser reference of the Egypt variety. Then again, any time you can manage a Carolyn Chute reference into a basketball site, you probably should.

The two biggest corporate sponsors would be LL Bean and Letourneau's Used Auto Parts. Interesting.

Great thread, btw.

vwoodruff · Post #5 » by **vwoodruff** » Thu Mar 5, 2009 5:15 pm

Pogue Mahone wrote:Or you could just go with "Beans". You have the obvious LL Bean and lesser reference of the Egypt variety. Then again, any time you can manage a Carolyn Chute reference into a basketball site, you probably should.

The two biggest corporate sponsors would be LL Bean and Letourneau's Used Auto Parts. Interesting.

Great thread, btw.

Beans. I like it... COuld even tie in to the B&M Baked Bean factory near the East End/Back Cove. What kind of bean would you use for a mascot, though? Would be damn sweet to see a bean hole bean (in Bean boots) do a somersault dunk during a timeout.