O.T.- Is it aggressive to take a women friend as a guest to a wedding?

[Clyde_Style]

I’m taking my friend to a family members wedding as a guest.The weddings two and a half hours away so we’re gonna be staying at a hotel after the wedding in the same bed as well.

People are telling me it’s an aggressive move and implies more then friendship..do you think it does?

We’re friends but I’m not gonna act like the thought of being with her hasn’t crossed my mind I’m just not 100% sure.

Do you think it’s sending strong signals doing this and beyond a platonic friendship?

well that pretty much sums up it is not a platonic friendship

when will people realize that single woman and men can't be friends

Single women and men can be friends. It's just in this case, the OP clearly sees her as more than that.

That's the correct distinction to make for this thread.

Whether or not guys here agree on being friends with women or not, it is a whole other matter when you're staying friends with a woman and playing it like you're just friends when you're hoping to get laid. That's shifty

[Jalen Bluntson]

Agree 100% with all this. Girls could wanna get with their guy friends too.

I’ve been in situations where thought I was just friends with a girl before, only to find out they wanted to smash.. after you do, they usually catch feelings even if they say they won’t.

Even had girlfriends’ friends I’ve been friends with try n go behind their back n get with me. I’m sure others here have been thru the same... you really can’t be friends with girls the way you are with your boys. Eventually, some shyts gunna happen.

I remember I used to work with this cute married girl alone in an office, literally nobody else in the building. Girl was mad cool and we became good friends over the course of a year. Her husband def wasn’t happy about that tho, and over a period of time, it was blatantly obvious that if I was a grimey enough prick, I could’ve smashed easily.

Just remember thinkin, like damn, girls n guys can’t truly be just friends under almost any circumstance without sex getting in the way...

I can find someone attractive and not act on it. If you can't, that's on you.

As to your lame scenario...any male friend my old lady has would also be my friend. If not...something is up. If they hook up...that's not being friends is it.

Point is. I have had many female friends over the years that I didn't have sex with. That I have shared a place with. That I'm still friends with. It's not impossible and I'm sure it's quite common.

Uh what lame scenario?

And I never said I couldn’t stop myself if I found a girl attractive... I literally gave you an example of where I did lol.

If your girl has a guy friend that you know and they hook up, they still started out as friends, which led to more. Doesn’t negate the fact that they were “friends” before that.

Let me ask you this, if you asked one of your girl/wife’s guy friends if they would smash her if she wanted to, and they said yes, you’d be cool with that? Cuz you said that’s how you’ve felt about your female friends right? Which you think is totally normal.

My guess is that you’re not very attractive to girls tho. Usually that’s the only way something doesn’t become an issue... but like you’ve admitted, you still found them attractive, and would’ve slept with them had they felt the same way about you.

First...There were 2 people in that post. You and 2010. Second...I get plenty of attention from the ladies. So you're wrong again.

Grow up. If you haven't had any female friends that were attractive that's on YOU. It IS possible. I have done it SEVERAL times!!

Males and females can be friends without having sex. They can remain friends after too. I mean... If you're girl isn't your friend...you got problems. That's besides the point. I have female friends. Period. So...end of story basically. I'm sure I'm not alone.

The whole if my girl had a male friend she would ****....SO WHAT? If she doesn't **** him...that proves my point!! All of my friends want to bang my woman now. So do yours!! If it doesn't happen....good!! Still proved the point.

Just because you would have sex with someone...doesn't mean you have to. Doesn't mean you can't be friends with them either. This is just a childish myth.

[spree8]

I can find someone attractive and not act on it. If you can't, that's on you.

As to your lame scenario...any male friend my old lady has would also be my friend. If not...something is up. If they hook up...that's not being friends is it.

Point is. I have had many female friends over the years that I didn't have sex with. That I have shared a place with. That I'm still friends with. It's not impossible and I'm sure it's quite common.

Uh what lame scenario?

And I never said I couldn’t stop myself if I found a girl attractive... I literally gave you an example of where I did lol.

If your girl has a guy friend that you know and they hook up, they still started out as friends, which led to more. Doesn’t negate the fact that they were “friends” before that.

Let me ask you this, if you asked one of your girl/wife’s guy friends if they would smash her if she wanted to, and they said yes, you’d be cool with that? Cuz you said that’s how you’ve felt about your female friends right? Which you think is totally normal.

My guess is that you’re not very attractive to girls tho. Usually that’s the only way something doesn’t become an issue... but like you’ve admitted, you still found them attractive, and would’ve slept with them had they felt the same way about you.

First...There were 2 people in that post. You and 2010. Second...I get plenty of attention from the ladies. So you're wrong again.

Grow up. If you haven't had any female friends that were attractive that's on YOU. It IS possible. I have done it SEVERAL times!!

Males and females can be friends without having sex. They can remain friends after too. I mean... If you're girl isn't your friend...you got problems. That's besides the point. I have female friends. Period. So...end of story basically. I'm sure I'm not alone.

The whole if my girl had a male friend she would ****....SO WHAT? If she doesn't **** him...that proves my point!! All of my friends want to bang my woman now. So do yours!! If it doesn't happen....good!! Still proved the point.

Just because you would have sex with someone...doesn't mean you have to. Doesn't mean you can't be friends with them either. This is just a childish myth.

I told you I have, but it doesn’t last long as being “just friends” because sex always gets in the way... and the girls are largely to blame in my experiences. Maybe that changes when you’re older and you’re friends with other married couples or whatever, but in my experiences and the people I know, the general consensus is that it’s not the same as being friends with your boys.

[2010]

I can find someone attractive and not act on it. If you can't, that's on you.

As to your lame scenario...any male friend my old lady has would also be my friend. If not...something is up. If they hook up...that's not being friends is it.

Point is. I have had many female friends over the years that I didn't have sex with. That I have shared a place with. That I'm still friends with. It's not impossible and I'm sure it's quite common.

Uh what lame scenario?

And I never said I couldn’t stop myself if I found a girl attractive... I literally gave you an example of where I did lol.

If your girl has a guy friend that you know and they hook up, they still started out as friends, which led to more. Doesn’t negate the fact that they were “friends” before that.

Let me ask you this, if you asked one of your girl/wife’s guy friends if they would smash her if she wanted to, and they said yes, you’d be cool with that? Cuz you said that’s how you’ve felt about your female friends right? Which you think is totally normal.

My guess is that you’re not very attractive to girls tho. Usually that’s the only way something doesn’t become an issue... but like you’ve admitted, you still found them attractive, and would’ve slept with them had they felt the same way about you.

First...There were 2 people in that post. You and 2010. Second...I get plenty of attention from the ladies. So you're wrong again.

Grow up. If you haven't had any female friends that were attractive that's on YOU. It IS possible. I have done it SEVERAL times!!

Males and females can be friends without having sex. They can remain friends after too. I mean... If you're girl isn't your friend...you got problems. That's besides the point. I have female friends. Period. So...end of story basically. I'm sure I'm not alone.

The whole if my girl had a male friend she would ****....SO WHAT? If she doesn't **** him...that proves my point!! All of my friends want to bang my woman now. So do yours!! If it doesn't happen....good!! Still proved the point.

Just because you would have sex with someone...doesn't mean you have to. Doesn't mean you can't be friends with them either. This is just a childish myth.

Those ain't your friends, homie (hers neither). And if they are, I'd hate to see your enemies.

[mpharris36]

I’m taking my friend to a family members wedding as a guest.The weddings two and a half hours away so we’re gonna be staying at a hotel after the wedding in the same bed as well.

People are telling me it’s an aggressive move and implies more then friendship..do you think it does?

We’re friends but I’m not gonna act like the thought of being with her hasn’t crossed my mind I’m just not 100% sure.

Do you think it’s sending strong signals doing this and beyond a platonic friendship?

well that pretty much sums up it is not a platonic friendship

when will people realize that single woman and men can't be friends

Single women and men can be friends. It's just in this case, the OP clearly sees her as more than that.

I guess personal experience has told me other wise. It's in our DNA to be attracted to women as heterosexual males. Especially if you single.

A couple examples why I believe this to be true.

1. your in a relationship/married whatever. You are getting off work and you call your wife/GF and tell her its been a long week and you are getting drinks after work with friends from work. Do you think she will react the same way if those friends names are James and Chris or if those names are Jessica and Sheri?

2. your single its friday your most likely going to be hanging out with your boys (watching and game drinking or doing something). Or you are trying to get it in. How many single heterosexual males are going to say im just going to go out with a drink with my girl thats just a friend? I mean is that a common occurrence?

3. Also when we think of friends (guys I mean). Those are life long friends whether its buddies from childhood/high school/college/work. Those guys most likely will always be a part of your life. Usually when you start dating a girl the first group of people that usually get dropped from your life is "friends from the opposite sex"...why because why would you want to put extra strain on a relationship if the other person may or may not be threatened by the relationship you have with another single friends for the opposite sex.

Its just the way of the world my man. Can it happen? Sure, in rare instances successful opposite sex relationships happen but most of the time it creates extra stress on a relationship or if your both single and enjoy hanging out with each other someone will eventually catch feelings...its just in our DNA.

[coopnyc74]

I do not know the OP but I am pretty sure he regrets making this thread lol.

[EricAnderson]

No, maybe that applies to the majority of straight men, but that is not a universal truth at all

And haven't you ever remained friends with an ex?

I certainly have

In my book that doesn't count. Cuz at some point there was some smashing going on.

But generally speaking, I do not believe a hetero male / hetero female can be TRUE FRIENDS. Cuz 9x out of 10, somebody is attracted. Most of the time it's the male and the female is just not giving him the green light.

A true friendship is even if the female gave you the green light or came on to you, you wouldn't event see her like that and be like "yooo, you bugging", and cut it out immediately.

I've had too many dudes I know claim a chick is just a friend then next thing I know he smashing.

I have female friends. That myth is just not true. Of course there's more situations where attraction is there. Like...would I smash? I'll smash but...why does that mean anything? I have plenty of female friends that I haven't smashed. Flirty ones at that.

Taking a female friend to a wedding and, getting a single room without telling her....that's shady. It could piss her off.

If OP wants to date this girl...just man up. This whole scene is sneaky IMO. Setting the table before the food is even prepared? Come on bruh. Tell the girl you like her before you tell her there is only one bed. Otherwise...you could be sleeping on the floor.

After a night out she asked me to sleep over her house before and I thought maybe she’d have me sleep on the couch but no she got in bed with me on her own.

If she did that I doubt she’d be offended by the one bed..

[don't panac]

Cmon... “does it imply more than friendship?” You’re taking her to a wedding, sharing a bed, and thought about smashing...you really gotta ask?

I’m talking about do you think it’s obvious to her?

yes, if she knows all the details, but if she only knows that you are only taking her to the wedding, the rest is not automatic all.

[don't panac]

I’m talking about do you think it’s obvious to her?

Hell yea. Only thing she doesn’t know for sure is that you’ve thought about being with her, but now, inviting her to a wedding, and sharing a bed?

Then again, if you didn’t know this was obvious, who knows what else you’ve done or said that might’ve given her hints that you wanna smash... she might’ve already known.

She doesn’t know where sharing a bad yet but she’s asked me to sleep over house and on her bed before so I can’t see how it’s a big issue with her.

My point was she has to know what’s going on no? And if she wasn’t interested at all she would t have said yes to going to a wedding with me and staying in the same room

two very different situations.
one things is if she offers, or if there are two beds and she proposes to share,but two spring on her the single bed situation is a very low.
so yes, it is very (too) aggressive and no, she wouldn't necessary expect that. she might expect two beds and she might be willing to share, but you are really forcing the situation with the one-bed shenanigans

[nykfan42]

I don't know what your actual relationship is with this girl/how long you've know each other etc. but to avoid any kind of awkwardness/friend-zone situation I'd try to see how this girl feels about you. Sounds like you have some feelings for her otherwise you wouldn't be asking for our opinions on this. If you like her I would take her out on a date or two. Is this wedding soon?

[EricAnderson]

Cmon... “does it imply more than friendship?” You’re taking her to a wedding, sharing a bed, and thought about smashing...you really gotta ask?

I’m talking about do you think it’s obvious to her?

yes, if she knows all the details, but if she only knows that you are only taking her to the wedding, the rest is not automatic all.

She knows where staying in the same hotel room as well..

[EricAnderson]

I don't know what your actual relationship is with this girl/how long you've know each other etc. but to avoid any kind of awkwardness/friend-zone situation I'd try to see how this girl feels about you. Sounds like you have some feelings for her otherwise you wouldn't be asking for our opinions on this. If you like her I would take her out on a date or two. Is this wedding soon?

July 15th..

If I do try something should I just go in for the kiss or ask her out on a date first?

[EricAnderson]

Hell yea. Only thing she doesn’t know for sure is that you’ve thought about being with her, but now, inviting her to a wedding, and sharing a bed?

Then again, if you didn’t know this was obvious, who knows what else you’ve done or said that might’ve given her hints that you wanna smash... she might’ve already known.

She doesn’t know where sharing a bad yet but she’s asked me to sleep over house and on her bed before so I can’t see how it’s a big issue with her.

My point was she has to know what’s going on no? And if she wasn’t interested at all she would t have said yes to going to a wedding with me and staying in the same room

two very different situations.
one things is if she offers, or if there are two beds and she proposes to share,but two spring on her the single bed situation is a very low.
so yes, it is very (too) aggressive and no, she wouldn't necessary expect that. she might expect two beds and she might be willing to share, but you are really forcing the situation with the one-bed shenanigans

I hear what you’re saying but if there’s double beds isn’t that a message to her that I definitely don’t want to be with her?

Also these rooms are already set up on the same floor by my cousin for friends and family who are staying overnight

Because you guys gave me a guilt trip I just called and asked if the rooms a double bed and they said it depends on availability

[nykfan42]

I don't know what your actual relationship is with this girl/how long you've know each other etc. but to avoid any kind of awkwardness/friend-zone situation I'd try to see how this girl feels about you. Sounds like you have some feelings for her otherwise you wouldn't be asking for our opinions on this. If you like her I would take her out on a date or two. Is this wedding soon?

July 15th..

If I do try something should I just go in for the kiss or ask her out on a date first?

Ok you have plenty of time between.

You have to feel it out, see how the night goes before making a move. You don't wanna force the issue in my opinion. If she's into you you'll be able to tell and it will make it easier but you should definitely ask her out on a date first. Is that what you want essentially, a relationship?

[Slicin N Dicin]

Make it easy on yourself, just let her know what's up and your intentions.

If shes with it, there you go, you're in.

If shes not. Then you dodged an uncomfortable situation and can find another female to go with.

My biggest regret when I was single was just not being straight up. Found out a few months or years after the fact that I would've been successful had I just manned up

[EricAnderson]

I don't know what your actual relationship is with this girl/how long you've know each other etc. but to avoid any kind of awkwardness/friend-zone situation I'd try to see how this girl feels about you. Sounds like you have some feelings for her otherwise you wouldn't be asking for our opinions on this. If you like her I would take her out on a date or two. Is this wedding soon?

July 15th..

If I do try something should I just go in for the kiss or ask her out on a date first?

Ok you have plenty of time between.

You have to feel it out, see how the night goes before making a move. You don't wanna force the issue in my opinion. If she's into you you'll be able to tell and it will make it easier but you should definitely ask her out on a date first. Is that what you want essentially, a relationship?

It’s a weird situation I brought up in post a few months back but I think I’m falling for her

[EricAnderson]

Make it easy on yourself, just let her know what's up and your intentions.

If shes with it, there you go, you're in.

If shes not. Then you dodged an uncomfortable situation and can find another female to go with.

My biggest regret when I was single was just not being straight up. Found out a few months or years after the fact that I would've been successful had I just manned up

I hear you..I just don’t want to live with regret..if she was a random girl I’d have done it by now but because it’s a friend it’s made me overanalyze things..

You’re the first person to tell me to tell her my feelings first.everyone else I talked to said just go in for the kiss..

[Capn'O]

I just saw one of my closest female friends solo in NYC this past week. While I was doing that, my wife was meeting up with a close male friend from grad school. I hold no illusions that if she hadn't been married to me she might have been with him. Neither of us questioned any portion other than how the logistics would work (NYC is kinda difficult to work with as a now out of towner). We know the other will be trustworthy in those interactions and what the consequences would be if we weren't.

With my friend - Maybe if the cards had been dealt differently something might have happened at some point but she was with one of my closest friends in HS and into college and I got to know her well enough to figure out we wouldn't be a good romantic match anyway. Still - if I'm in a pinch or need to wrap my head around a tough situation, she's my go to. That's worth so much more than a **** and duck. Neither of us would ever let that happen and my wife doesn't need to ask.


It can't happen with all female friends and "friends." You need to figure out who can be what. But nor does it with all male friends. Only a few pass the gauntlet into a longer term connection.

[EricAnderson]

I just saw one of my closest female friends solo in NYC this past week. While I was doing that, my wife was meeting up with a close male friend from grad school. Neither of us questioned any portion other than how the logistics would work (NYC is kinda difficult to work with as a now out of towner). We know the other will be trustworthy in those interactions.

With my friend - Maybe if the cards had been dealt differently something might have happened at some point but she was with one of my closest friends in HS and into college and I got to know her well enough to figure out we wouldn't be a good romantic match anyway. Still - if I'm in a pinch or need to wrap my head around a tough situation, she's my go to. That's worth so much more than a **** and duck. Neither of us would ever let that happen and my wife doesn't need to ask.


It can't happen with all female friends and "friends." You need to figure out who can be what. But nor does it with all male friends. Only a few pass the gauntlet into a longer term connection.

I hear you but you’re also married..which helps lol

Thing is these days it’s harder and harder to meet people especially at my age where most of my friends are married with kids.

My friend I’m physically and emotionally attracted to..we always have an awesome time together and seem to have great chemistry

It’s natural to catch feelings in that case.

[Capn'O]

I just saw one of my closest female friends solo in NYC this past week. While I was doing that, my wife was meeting up with a close male friend from grad school. Neither of us questioned any portion other than how the logistics would work (NYC is kinda difficult to work with as a now out of towner). We know the other will be trustworthy in those interactions.

With my friend - Maybe if the cards had been dealt differently something might have happened at some point but she was with one of my closest friends in HS and into college and I got to know her well enough to figure out we wouldn't be a good romantic match anyway. Still - if I'm in a pinch or need to wrap my head around a tough situation, she's my go to. That's worth so much more than a **** and duck. Neither of us would ever let that happen and my wife doesn't need to ask.


It can't happen with all female friends and "friends." You need to figure out who can be what. But nor does it with all male friends. Only a few pass the gauntlet into a longer term connection.

I hear you but you’re also married..which helps lol

Thing is these days it’s harder and harder to meet people especially at my age where most of my friends are married with kids.

My friend I’m physically and emotionally attracted to..we always have an awesome time together and seem to have great chemistry

It’s natural to catch feelings in that case.

This was more to others posting that it's not possible to be friends than to your situation where the relationship status still seems fluid. My wife was fine with this woman when we were dating (but not with some others - she knows what's what.)

I do agree with others that advise you to be clear with her about the arrangement (that there's currently only one bed in the room and would she be ok with that) and let any conversation flow from there. A text stating just that should be fine.