OT: General OT Thread [NO POLITICS OR RELIGION]

[jschligs]

Going through my first real breakup. Man does this suck more than anything I've ever experienced. So many questions and no answers. So much regret. Can't eat and barely want to do anything. Silver lining is we ended it on good terms. Anybody have anything good to help me out?

Talk to people about it, if you can. Find a hobby that you enjoy to take your mind off it. Take this as an opportunity to focus on yourself, do what you love, try to improve yourself, and do what you want to do knowing that you have that freedom. The only real cure is time.

Edit: one more thing. Don't make any extreme rash decisions. Don't pack up and move, or get a dog, or go get some insane tattoo unless you genuinely wanted to before the break up.

[JoeyMorgan619]

Thank you both. Honestly some great advice

[HurricaneKid]

Thank you both. Honestly some great advice

Anytime a life event rocks you take the necessary time to grieve. Once you have taken some time for yourself take a wide angle look at where you are and where you want to be. Your path may have changed and it is important that you find your way back to the path. It's easy to fall into the trap of trying to make yourself feel better with destructive actions (alcohol, drugs, food, sex, whatever your vice is even if it is just staying up to 3am playing video games). I'm not saying any of these aren't fine in moderation just that when you try to fill a hole in your life that is missing you can take missteps and fall into some self destructive feedback loops.

Best of luck. It does suck.

Sent from my SM-G955U using RealGM mobile app

[ReasonablySober]

Anyone else listen to the podcast Cocaine and Rhinestones? It’s a historical country music podcast, but don’t let that scare you away if you aren’t a huge country fan (I’m not). Just incredibly well done and researched. The episode on The Judds is worth a listen if nothing else.

https://www.newyorker.com/culture/podcast-dept/cocaine-and-rhinestones-an-addictive-sparkling-podcast-about-country-music

A pod about the Judds sounds incredible. I gotta check that out.

ETA: My god, this host can go straight to hell. He’s somehow worse than Kotaku’s Tim Rodgers.

[Bucksfan28]

Going through my first real breakup. Man does this suck more than anything I've ever experienced. So many questions and no answers. So much regret. Can't eat and barely want to do anything. Silver lining is we ended it on good terms. Anybody have anything good to help me out?

You won't get over it until you want to get over it. It's okay to be sad, to feel self pity, to do nothing for awhile.

Until you make the conscious effort to do things and try to move beyond it, you won't. You really have to fake it until you make it.

You won't wake up one day and a switch will have been flipped. You'll wake up 100 days and push the rock up the hill a little farther.... but you actually have to push the rock, it won't push itself.

I echo this excellent advice.

Also, make long-term or farther-out plans/goals/ambitions. Give yourself something to look forward to once the hard times pass.

[jimmybones]

Going through my first real breakup. Man does this suck more than anything I've ever experienced. So many questions and no answers. So much regret. Can't eat and barely want to do anything. Silver lining is we ended it on good terms. Anybody have anything good to help me out?

I've been through two pretty rough ones and as basic and cliche as it sounds, I promise you, time will heal. Just know that right now it's perfectly normal to be feeling as low as you do right now but also know that will pass. I know it's hard to see it that way now but I promise you at some point in the future you will look back in this post and smile because you are over it and have moved on.

The other great advice in this thread can help determine how long you feel like **** and how quickly you bounce back, but one thing is 100% certain and it's that you WILL get past this my man.

My practical, short term advice is to give yourself a certain amount of time to feel like crap and be okay with that, but once you're feeling up to it, move your focus to self improvement. Work out more, learn, read, grow. Doing those things will help you be okay with being single for now and will better prepare you for when you meet the next awesome person you're going to date.

[JoeyMorgan619]

Going through my first real breakup. Man does this suck more than anything I've ever experienced. So many questions and no answers. So much regret. Can't eat and barely want to do anything. Silver lining is we ended it on good terms. Anybody have anything good to help me out?

I've been through two pretty rough ones and as basic and cliche as it sounds, I promise you, time will heal. Just know that right now it's perfectly normal to be feeling as low as you do right now but also know that will pass. I know it's hard to see it that way now but I promise you at some point in the future you will look back in this post and smile because you are over it and have moved on.

The other great advice in this thread can help determine how long you feel like **** and how quickly you bounce back, but one thing is 100% certain and it's that you WILL get past this my man.

My practical, short term advice is to give yourself a certain amount of time to feel like crap and be okay with that, but once you're feeling up to it, move your focus to self improvement. Work out more, learn, read, grow. Doing those things will help you be okay with being single for now and will better prepare you for when you meet the next awesome person you're going to date.

Man. Hearing this really gives me hope. It's so weird because I know it's all true, but I just sit here and think "but what if this isn't the case for me...?" I absolutely believe I will look back on this down the road and smile but it just does not feel like that right now. Thankfully I'm getting out of town this weekend to go hang out with a good buddy. That should help.

[ReasonablySober]

I know you said you broke up on good terms, but that's always dangerous. One thing you for sure shouldn't do is keep her number, old texts, friendships on social media, or really any connection to each other you used to have. Get rid of it all. In your new reality, she doesn't exist anymore. It'll speed up the healing process and keep you from backsliding if there's an opportunity to do so.

[JoeyMorgan619]

I know you said you broke up on good terms, but that's always dangerous. One thing you for sure shouldn't do is keep her number, old texts, friendships on social media, or really any connection to each other you used to have. Get rid of it all. In your new reality, she doesn't exist anymore. It'll speed up the healing process and keep you from backsliding if there's an opportunity to do so.

I think that's true for the most part, but I think I will actually not do those things. We have both made it very clear that once it was done it was done. I think even more so on her end. One of my best friends is dating my exes best friend so we are bound to see each other. I am not holding on to hope saying "we can still be good friends!" but I do know I will see her around. I am willing to take that chance.

[ReasonablySober]

I know you said you broke up on good terms, but that's always dangerous. One thing you for sure shouldn't do is keep her number, old texts, friendships on social media, or really any connection to each other you used to have. Get rid of it all. In your new reality, she doesn't exist anymore. It'll speed up the healing process and keep you from backsliding if there's an opportunity to do so.

I think that's true for the most part, but I think I will actually not do those things. We have both made it very clear that once it was done it was done. I think even more so on her end. One of my best friends is dating my exes best friend so we are bound to see each other. I am not holding on to hope saying "we can still be good friends!" but I do know I will see her around. I am willing to take that chance.

Right on, dude. Good luck.

[jschligs]

Not sure if there is a books thread, but turns out I have 7 Audible credits to use as I want to cancel my membership. Anyone have 7 books to recommend? Here are some that I've read and liked: Anything Malcolm Gladwell, Dark Matter, Micro, Slaughterhouse 7, Ready Player One, The Hunger Games, American Kingpin (favorite of recent years). I like fantasy style books that are more scientifically slanted and interesting real life stories. Any suggestions welcome!

[humanrefutation]

Not sure if there is a books thread, but turns out I have 7 Audible credits to use as I want to cancel my membership. Anyone have 7 books to recommend? Here are some that I've read and liked: Anything Malcolm Gladwell, Dark Matter, Micro, Slaughterhouse 7, Ready Player One, The Hunger Games, American Kingpin (favorite of recent years). I like fantasy style books that are more scientifically slanted and interesting real life stories. Any suggestions welcome!

I know it's been discussed here before, but have you read Evicted by Matthew Desmond? Or The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander? Both excellent reads.

[humanrefutation]

Going through my first real breakup. Man does this suck more than anything I've ever experienced. So many questions and no answers. So much regret. Can't eat and barely want to do anything. Silver lining is we ended it on good terms. Anybody have anything good to help me out?

In addition to the great advice you've received so far, I'd just emphasize that short term pain does not have to equal long term suffering. When you're dealing with any grief, it's very easy to feel a sense of hopelessness about the future. But I can tell you from experience that those thoughts - as persuasive as they might feel in your head in the moment - are toxic and totally false. Never let yourself be fooled by the notion that things won't get better. That you won't end up meeting someone else that will make you feel the kind of love and affection and happiness that you're hoping for.

But above all, make sure to love yourself. That was the hardest part for me - not to see a breakup as an indictment of myself. Being able to identify the very qualities that make you a good catch - a lovable, enjoyable, and attractive person - will help you move past this ex and focus instead on the possibilities for a future in which you will meet someone who loves you for the person you are. Being able to love and value yourself is so incredibly important in these moments because it'll help brush away those toxic thoughts that try to bring you down.

And, I'd consider therapy as well, at least as a space to process in a non-judgmental setting. One of my good friends got divorced a few years ago and went through a similar bout of pain - he stopped eating, he was crying all the time, he could barely function. It was worse in his case because he had two kids with his now ex. But, after spending time in therapy, he's since moved on. He eventually met someone who is so much better for him. He got married, and now they travel the world together. He's in a much happier place than he was in his first marriage, let alone the shell of a man I saw after his wife filed for divorce. Therapy helped him process, find hope, and move on. I'd consider it if you need someone to talk to.

Be well, my friend.

[MissKhriddleton]

Super scary moment with my dog this morning. He got up and walked off the couch after sleeping for a bit and started to collapse and fell into our TV stand. Kept trying to walk and kept falling down as if the right side of his body didn't work or like you'd imagine a drunk dog walking. Then all of a sudden he started running and went straight into a wall. I got him to lay down and he threw up. He seemed to be conscious throughout the whole thing. Then as I was getting all of my **** together he started moving and acting normally again.

Took him to the emergency vet and they said they couldn't find anything wrong with him. I thought for sure it was a stroke but they said that's extremely uncommon and they didn't think seizure because he didn't lose consciousness. We're home now and he seems normal but still quite a bit worried.

[dbrodz7]

Super scary moment with my dog this morning. He got up and walked off the couch after sleeping for a bit and started to collapse and fell into our TV stand. Kept trying to walk and kept falling down as if the right side of his body didn't work or like you'd imagine a drunk dog walking. Then all of a sudden he started running and went straight into a wall. I got him to lay down and he threw up. He seemed to be conscious throughout the whole thing. Then as I was getting all of my **** together he started moving and acting normally again.

Took him to the emergency vet and they said they couldn't find anything wrong with him. I thought for sure it was a stroke but they said that's extremely uncommon and they didn't think seizure because he didn't lose consciousness. We're home now and he seems normal but still quite a bit worried.

I've never encountered that in dogs, but it sounds like a migraine to me. I get migraines that hit like strokes and make half my body co completely numb, I get confusion and can't talk, my motor skills are off, and I get blind spots in my vision. This lasts for around an hour typically and then I just have a bad headache for two days. What you described sounds just like the "aura" portion of a migraine that I get. Basically a one hour stroke for me.

[MissKhriddleton]

Super scary moment with my dog this morning. He got up and walked off the couch after sleeping for a bit and started to collapse and fell into our TV stand. Kept trying to walk and kept falling down as if the right side of his body didn't work or like you'd imagine a drunk dog walking. Then all of a sudden he started running and went straight into a wall. I got him to lay down and he threw up. He seemed to be conscious throughout the whole thing. Then as I was getting all of my **** together he started moving and acting normally again.

Took him to the emergency vet and they said they couldn't find anything wrong with him. I thought for sure it was a stroke but they said that's extremely uncommon and they didn't think seizure because he didn't lose consciousness. We're home now and he seems normal but still quite a bit worried.

I've never encountered that in dogs, but it sounds like a migraine to me. I get migraines that hit like strokes and make half my body co completely numb, I get confusion and can't talk, my motor skills are off, and I get blind spots in my vision. This lasts for around an hour typically and then I just have a bad headache for two days. What you described sounds just like the "aura" portion of a migraine that I get. Basically a one hour stroke for me.

Interesting thought. Thanks for sharing Things running through my head besides stroke/seizure:

1. Bad batch of dog food. He had been pushing off his breakfast until 12pm, 2pm, 3pm over the last month. Normally a chowhound who eats at 7am. We thought it was because my girlfriend had been packing up a suitcase to travel for awhile and this usually stresses him out quite a bit. Although not sure how bad dog food and a neurological condition would be connected. Bought new dog food today.

2. Sleep walking - maybe he was sleep walking and slept on his right side legs funny which would explain why they didn't seem to work and maybe why he randomly ran for no reason into a wall. Not sure why he would vomit though.

3. Concussion - maybe he hit his head but I would imagine the symptoms would be more immediate. He had been chilling for awhile on the couch.

4. Carbon monoxide poisoning?

[Mags FTW]

Not sure if there is a books thread, but turns out I have 7 Audible credits to use as I want to cancel my membership. Anyone have 7 books to recommend? Here are some that I've read and liked: Anything Malcolm Gladwell, Dark Matter, Micro, Slaughterhouse 7, Ready Player One, The Hunger Games, American Kingpin (favorite of recent years). I like fantasy style books that are more scientifically slanted and interesting real life stories. Any suggestions welcome!

If you liked Hunger Games, you'll love the Red Rising Trilogy. Game of Snipers isn't Sci-Fi like Dark Matter, but has the same excellent pacing. I read both in about the same amount of time.

[Pachinko_]

I've never encountered that in dogs, but it sounds like a migraine to me. I get migraines that hit like strokes and make half my body co completely numb, I get confusion and can't talk, my motor skills are off, and I get blind spots in my vision. This lasts for around an hour typically and then I just have a bad headache for two days. What you described sounds just like the "aura" portion of a migraine that I get. Basically a one hour stroke for me.

My brother from another mother. I'd been getting those since I was 15, everything exactly the same as you.



They got less and less intense as I got older and disappeared when I turned 40.

[truly]

Not sure if there is a books thread, but turns out I have 7 Audible credits to use as I want to cancel my membership. Anyone have 7 books to recommend? Here are some that I've read and liked: Anything Malcolm Gladwell, Dark Matter, Micro, Slaughterhouse 7, Ready Player One, The Hunger Games, American Kingpin (favorite of recent years). I like fantasy style books that are more scientifically slanted and interesting real life stories. Any suggestions welcome!

If you liked Hunger Games, you'll love the Red Rising Trilogy. Game of Snipers isn't Sci-Fi like Dark Matter, but has the same excellent pacing. I read both in about the same amount of time.

Loved red rising.

[Mags FTW]

Not sure if there is a books thread, but turns out I have 7 Audible credits to use as I want to cancel my membership. Anyone have 7 books to recommend? Here are some that I've read and liked: Anything Malcolm Gladwell, Dark Matter, Micro, Slaughterhouse 7, Ready Player One, The Hunger Games, American Kingpin (favorite of recent years). I like fantasy style books that are more scientifically slanted and interesting real life stories. Any suggestions welcome!

If you liked Hunger Games, you'll love the Red Rising Trilogy. Game of Snipers isn't Sci-Fi like Dark Matter, but has the same excellent pacing. I read both in about the same amount of time.

Loved red rising.

If they ever make the movies, the ending of the 2nd film/book is going to be one of the most terrifying cliffhangers ever.