Flame Warriors

[Donkey McDonkerton]

I'm pretty sure I posted this a few years back, but we have many new members now, and I figured it's a good day to play again.

I'll start with Pine, who I see as : Nanny
http://redwing.hutman.net/~mreed/warriorshtm/nanny.htm

Nanny tirelessly monitors forum discussions to make sure that everyone behaves. Though he is quick to admonish for off-topic messages and petty squabbling, he is generally slow to anger. Rather than wading into pitched battles, Nanny simply pulling the plug on combatants and bans repeat offenders.Weaker Warriors such as Innocence Abused, Weenie and Crybaby will run to Nanny for protection in the midst of battle.

[crackhed]

gotta love the pics

edit: check out bulltalk below

[nate33]

Donkey:

Evil Clown is very quick with a joke, but his jests always have a barb. He has little patience for in-depth discussions and will often disrupt exchanges between serious forum participants by introducing irrelevant topics, fatuous quips, and offhand comments. His greatest thrill is to taunt and humiliate weaker or more plodding Warriors with his snappy ripostes. Not a particularly powerful Warrior, Evil Clown will attempt to avoid defeat by accusing his attacker of having no sense of humor.

[nate33]

hands11:

Ferrous Cranus is utterly impervious to reason, persuasion and new ideas, and when engaged in battle he will not yield an inch in his position regardless of its hopelessness. Though his thrusts are decisively repulsed, his arguments crushed in every detail and his defenses demolished beyond repair he will remount the same attack again and again with only the slightest variation in tactics. Sometimes out of pure frustration Philosopher will try to explain to him the failed logistics of his situation, or Therapist will attempt to penetrate the psychological origins of his obduracy, but, ever unfathomable, Ferrous Cranus cannot be moved.

[bulletproof_32]

TheSecretWeapon:

Forums often contain one or more unacknowledged sub-societies, but everyone except the most clueless know that these groups exist and constantly feel their influence. Such alliances congeal because of similarities in ideas and attitudes, or for the desire for power and influence within the forum. Since human beings are hierarchical creatures each of these these little mafias always have a Godfather who is surrounded by a cadre of loyal henchmen. Unlike Rebel Leader, Issues, Furious Typer and other noisy Warriors, Godfather only occasionally deigns to enter into discussions, but when he does everyone listens to him respectfully and his pronouncements have an air of finality. Though Godfather himself never engages in battle, it is commonly understood that his utterances should not be challenged, and when an unsuspecting Newbie or ambitious wannabe mounts a challenge to his authority Godfather

[bulletproof_32]

nate33:

Eagle Scout is a positive, constructive Warrior who endeavors to submit original articles which contain useful content and relevant information with supporting citations and links, thus initiating meaningful discussion threads. Eagle Scout regards the internet as an uplifting, egalitarian, worldwide arena for the exchange of ideas among intelligent, thinking individuals. He does not openly attack, but will (ever tactfully) chastise disruptive comments, gratuitous insults and cretinous insipidity. He is always kind and helpful to Newbie, and will shrug off even the most egregious insults. Eagle Scout is loathed with a poisonous intensity by Evil Clown, Jerk, Enfant Provocateur and Ego.

CAUTION: Sometimes Imposter, Evil Clown or Troller will masquerade as Eagle Scout. There have also been reports of Eagle Scout becoming Jekyl and Hyde.

miller31time:

Rat...no further explanation needed.

[Donkey McDonkerton]

Nate33:

(picture)

Eagle Scout is a positive, constructive Warrior who endeavors to submit original articles which contain useful content and relevant information with supporting citations and links, thus initiating meaningful discussion threads. Eagle Scout regards the internet as an uplifting, egalitarian, worldwide arena for the exchange of ideas among intelligent, thinking individuals. He does not openly attack, but will (ever tactfully) chastise disruptive comments, gratuitous insults and cretinous insipidity. He is always kind and helpful to Newbie, and will shrug off even the most egregious insults. Eagle Scout is loathed with a poisonous intensity by Evil Clown, Jerk, Enfant Provocateur and Ego.

CAUTION: Sometimes Imposter, Evil Clown or Troller will masquerade as Eagle Scout. There have also been reports of Eagle Scout becoming Jekyl and Hyde.

miller31time:

(picture)

Rat...no further explanation needed.

I thought of the Rat one for miller too.. Exactly!

[nate33]

pine:

Though Kung-Fu Masters are powerful Warriors, they generally choose not to fight. Many lesser Warriors delude themselves into thinking that they are masters of war, but few are the genuine article. The true Kung-Fu master fully appreciates his own superiority and is therefore unruffled by petty provocations. When forced to fight, however, he quickly crushes his opponent with devastating blows.

[Donkey McDonkerton]

pine:
(picture)

Though Kung-Fu Masters are powerful Warriors, they generally choose not to fight. Many lesser Warriors delude themselves into thinking that they are masters of war, but few are the genuine article. The true Kung-Fu master fully appreciates his own superiority and is therefore unruffled by petty provocations. When forced to fight, however, he quickly crushes his opponent with devastating blows.

SUSPEND Button = See SD20

[nate33]

doclinkin?

Rebel Leader has an uncanny ability to upset the settled order of a discussion forum. Other Warriors may be excellent in single combat, but Rebel Leader's charisma, political instincts and verbal skills enable him to rally collective assaults powerful enough to overthrow the Royals and silence Cyber Sisters. Rebel Leader may draw allies from almost any of the other Warrior classes, but he can usually count on Loopy in the early stages of the conflict, and Sycophant after the revolution is well underway. Once the revolution has succeeded, however, Rebel Leader quickly loses interest in the cause. As is the case with false King-Fu Masters, the bones of wannabe Rebel Leaders litter the battlefields.

[JWizmentality]

SumTingWong

Is it just you or does this guy seem to babble on and on without making any sense whatsoever? Does he lurch from one non sequitur to another? Are you baffled by his obscure metaphors? Are there so many typos you think that maybe he was typing while wearing a catcher's mit? Can he really MEAN what he just said? What in the hell is hey talking about, anyway? Is this guy smoking something? Well, yes...in fact he is, and lightly tethered in orbit high above the Earth Bong remains far beyond the grasp of the even the most powerful of Warriors.

[nate33]

SumTingWong

Good one.

[bulletproof_32]

Scabs = A Garbled Ent (a mix between Garble and as of recently an Ent):

Garble is a mystery: Is he a foreigner with only tenuous grasp of English? Is he on drugs? Does he suffer a serious mental debility? Is he typing wearing boxing gloves? Garble's rampant typos, malapropisms and execrable grammar can't be blamed solely on poor typing skills. Garble is all the more puzzling because if one manages to hack his way through the tangled muddle of his messages a discernable idea will often emerge. For example, in a forum discussion about a painting he might say, "Sorry the picchr the har is wrog. The culir. I liike the lips bot teh Paintng is sucs". When someone refers to his random capitalization Garble might say something like, "oPS i HITTED THE CAPDLOCK". Garble drives Grammarian and Nitpick absolutely nuts, but he disdains all efforts at correction, and if complaints persist he will indignantly sign exit saying, "yuor forum si stupef. bYE!" HINT: Garble may be Net Rat.

In bygone days Ents roamed an internet paradise of purposeful forums, but in recent times Ents have grown quiet. Indeed, Ents are so rarely heard from these days that netizens have begun to doubt that they ever existed. Being privy to the secrets of the ancients Ents are an extremely powerful Warriors, and are all the more so because of the veneration in which they are held.Warriors who chop and burn [THE PROFIT ] in battle will not earn glory, but will instead incite the enmity of the entire forum lead [by an Ent].

[Soup's Uncle]

I don't understand what this thread is about.

[Soup's Uncle]

Ok, now I get it...sorry...funny stuff.

[tkunit]

good stuff did anyone do wizstorm

[WizStorm]

good stuff did anyone do wizstorm

Don't see any that fit me precisely.

Although I have known to use these tactics in the past:

Archivist saves and squirrels away each and every discussion forum message. Do you remember having a bad day back in 1996 when in one of your messages you may have said a few things that were...well, perhaps a little...hasty? Don't worry, Archivist still has it and will post it to the forum if you begin to get the upper hand in battle. Archivist can be a very effective and fearsome Warrior.

Grenade isn't actually a Warrior, per se, but it's an ordnance so widely employed that no Flame Warriors guide would be complete without mentioning it. When lobbed into a discussion forum Grenade instantly blasts civil discourse into smoking rubble. Grenade's explosive content can be adjusted to the forum's interests. Typical detonating materials can be Bill Clinton, George Bush, gun control, homosexuality, Reagan, abortion, taxes, conspiracy theory, the NEA, welfare reform, etc. When facing certain defeat a Warrior can stall even the most determined attack with a diversionary explosion. Grenade can bea particularly destructive weapon in the hands of Evil Clown, Issues, Troglodyte or even Weenie, but almost any Warrior can use it to gain a temporary strategic advantage. Eagle Scout has been known to throw himself upon Grenade to save the forum.

[ZonkertheBrainless]

I've seen this before... like ten years ago...

Last time I went through this I decided I was bliss ninny, I think... or ennui, I forget...

[tkunit]

Big Cat would rather not fight...he enjoys peacefully observing forum conversations and laconically participates when the moods strikes. He playfully chases interesting threads, and from time to time uses a Newbie or Propellerhead as a convenient scratching post. He enjoys being stroked or petted, and tends to purr loudly. CAUTION: Don't be fooled by his fuzzy, playful exterior. When provoked, Big Cat reacts with lightning speed and almost always lands on his feet after an attack. Big Cat often indulges himself by toying with his victim before delivering his lethal blows.

I feel this is me kinda.

[nate33]

Since we're bumping ancient threads...