Orlando Magic: The Musical (One night only!)

[FFBlitzace]

Tonight's special presentation features classic Disney songs remixed and remastered by FFBlitzace and performed by your favorite Orlando Magic personalities.

(EDIT: Now with Youtube links to original versions)




First up is Pat Garrity and Tony Battie performing "Under the Sea" from The Little Mermaid. This song takes place after the Pat Philes. Pat starts to miss his shot and considers an undersea quest to retrieve it, while Batman tries to convince him otherwise.



Under the C
Batman
Patman
All together
Youtube video of original song




The game is a lot more fun yeah
When you're always drainin threes
But you have lots else to offer
Just take it from Sammy D
Look at the players around you
Out there on the b-ball floor
Show them your cool dunks and passes
They'll all be beggin for more

Under the C
Under the C
It's pick n roll time
Better than showtime
Watch the scrubs flee

Out there on D you work so hard
Though you did pay too much for Shard
But fans are just wussies
You get the p******
Under the C

Out there on the boards they hate you
Laugh at you and say you suck
But you make more cash than they do
You really don't give a f***
They say that because they're jealous
And it's really rude and crass
So next time they start to pull this
Just tell them to kiss your ass

Under the C
Under the C
I vow to find it
Stop and rewind it
Marvel at me

Can also play point and small forward
Watch me and you'll say 'oh my word'
Don't need your shot now
Hush, Lost's on right now
Under the C
Under the C
It's you I pity
Your wife's so pretty
And she likes me

Well it's down here I start my search
Billy D really looks like Lurch
I drive right past you
Always outlast you
Under the C

*Instrumental section. Sorry, not attempting this*

Under the C
Under the C
Love me in Otown
Fear me in Motown
Defy gravity

I do all of this for the fans
Mainly the ladies with the tans
This one's for Diener
Leaner and meaner
Under the C

Turk's under the weather
Hope he feels better
Under the C

Nelson's been bricking
Outlaw's still kicking
Coach still has great hair*
It's really not fair
Redick's been shooting
Grant Hill's been pooping
Under the C


*Brian Hill, of course.





Oh, those guys. What are we gonna do with them? In any event, next up is Coach Stan Van Gundy performing "Friend Like Me" from Aladdin. This song is about his hiring as coach and what we can expect from him.


Coach Like Me
SVG
Youtube video of original song


Well the Celtics had Red Auerbach
And the Spurs have Popovich
3 pointers, there wont be a lack
Cause Shard's a Magic and he's very rich

He camps out in the corners now
After cruisin through training camp
No more drives, post ups, free throws wow
It's really easy to put the clamps
But I say

Mr. Van Der Weide, sir
What will your pleasure be?
Let me build your hopes
And tear 'em down
You ain't never had a Coach like me

Begging for improvement
And I'm your man, yes me
I will show that he's worth every cent
You ain't never had a Coach like me

Yes sir, we pride ourselves on defense
Every loss
I blame Jameer
Arroyo dish
Rashard the swish
Look at the Hawks with nothin but fear

When option A just does not work
Then go with option B
That's right to Foyle in the post
You ain't never had a Coach like me

Can your coach do this?
Can your coach do that?
Can your coach pull plays out his little ass?
Can your coach go, Woo?
Well, looky here
Can your coach go "pick n roll defense, pick it up!"
And make the other team disappear

Keith for the last time, stop chucking
I'll put Maurice Evans in the game
But surely not JJ, he's a tool
So I'm gonna let you keep sucking

Putting Augustine in at a crucial point
Don't doubt me, it'll work fo sho
Letting Dooling run the point all game
That Marey Carey's a real Hoe

Come on my players, don't
Shoot the 2, please shoot the 3
It's simple math, follow the path
You ain't never had a coach, never had a coach
You ain't never had a coach, never had a coach
You ain't never had a coach like me
You ain't never had a coach like me, hah!




Well that sounds exciting, I can't wait. But for now we'll have to settle for Carlos Arroyo's performance of "Beauty and the Beast" from the film of the same name. This song is about his, uh, "unique" style of play and the Magic's chances in the east this year.



3rd Seed in the East
Carlos Arroyo
Youtube video of original song



Chuck it a few times
Coming off the screen
The shot just wasn't there
But I don't fu**ing care
It's all about me

Rumors of a trade
Can't get rid of me
Not so easily
We're conceivably
3rd Seed in the East

Always blow the game
Always the worst play
Always take the shot
Always coach is hot
But I have to play

Chuck it a few times
I refuse to pass
Time and time again
Drive into 3 men
You can kiss my ass

Opposing teams, on
My defense they feast
Chuck it a few times
Turnovers, no dimes
3rd seed in the East

Chuck it a few times
Turnovers, no dimes
3rd seed in the East




I agree, I think that's where we're gonna end up. Now, for a change of pace. While the Magic players are busy with a wardrobe change, we have a special performance to pass the time. This song is sung by a Magic Board mod (who requested to remain anonymous) and some Magic Board ballboys (who also wish to remain anonymous). The song is "Make a Man Out of You" from the movie Mulan. It's about new posters struggling to fit in here on the board despite help from one of our best moderators.



Make a Fan Out of You
Moderator
Ballboy #1
Ballboy #2
Ballboy #3
Ballboy #4
Ballboy #5
Entire cast of veteran posters
Youtube video of original song



If you don't improve soon
I'll delete your posts
Trolling, spamming, bashing
Any more, you're toast

You're the biggest noob I've ever met
What the f*** is wrong with you
Oh well, I'll make a fan out of you

Posting in the game thread
Make sure to bash the refs
You'll be called a homer
But it's just a test

You make the dumbest posts on RealGM
And there's not much hope for you
But still, I'll make a fan out of you

I'll never be a Real Gm
You may as well just suspend me
Hey mods will you forgive me for my sins
So by the time I count to 10
You'll have never even knew me
STFU you'll stay and post like men


Be a fan
We must tell players that they must care more
Be a fan
Blame Rashard when they start to lose
Be a fan
No hesitation to make a trade thread
It's us or them and you'll just have to choose


We need to know right now
If you're on our side
When we play the Raptors
Better not run and hide

You clearly weren't quite made for this
So f*** it, I'm waiving you
How could I make a fan out of you?


Be a fan
We must tell players that they must care more
Be a fan
Blame Rashard when they start to lose
Be a fan
No hesitation to make a trade thread
It's us or them and you'll just have to choose

Be a fan
We must tell players that they must care more
Be a fan
Blame Rashard when they start to lose
Be a fan
No hesitation to make a trade thread
It's us or them and you'll just have to choose






That was powerful. Now for the final song. Magic GM Otis Smith sings "I Just Can't Wait to be King" from The Lion King with some input from Mike Bianchi. This song is about Otis' intentions for this team.



I Just Want to Win a Ring
Otis
Mike Bianchi
Entire Magic organization singing as one
Youtube video of original song



We're gonna win a title ring
Opposing teams beware
But your marquee free agent signing
Just doesn't seem to care

We'll storm through the pathetic east
Like no team has before
Our focus is on just one thing
And that's the final score

Thus far you haven't convinced me of a thing

Oh I just want to win a ring!

(You've rather a long way to go, Otis, if you think...)

They're all saying we can't
(As well they should, see - )
They're all saying we'll fail
(Well, obviously)
They're all gonna regret
(Still need a PF)
When we kick their damn tails
(LOL)

We are gonna run and gun
(Hasn't worked for the Suns)
We'll be having so much fun

I think it's time that you and Dave
Arranged a deadline trade
Nonsense, very soon
The competition starts to fade

If this is where the Magic team is headed
Count me out
Out of O-Town, out of Florida
Not gonna hang about
This GM is getting wildly out of wing

Oh I just want to win a ring!

Turkoglu drives left
Arroyo drives right
Adonal blocks a shot
As Howard shows his might!
(*sigh*)

Amway so loud it makes your poor ears ring
Got Dwight inside and Lewis on the wing
Otis will be declared the GM King

Oh we just want to win a ring!
Oh we just want to win a ring!
Oh we just want tooooooo.....win a ring!






Well there you have it. Based on ticket sales, there might be more shows scheduled, with new songs.

[Jiwol]

You're definitely insane. That finally proves it.

[U Gotta Play JJ]

WAY too much time on your hands, but funny stuff!

[fendilim]

so are you gonna sing or just provide the lyrics?

[OrlandoMagic]

i just still cant believe you really posted this on a website forum

[Stinko Malenko]

i lol at the existence of this

[shrink]

This is the best post I've read this year.

[mhectorgato]

*Waits for the MP3 version*



A+ for the imagination.

[NEM]

you have too much time on your hands

[Swish14]

Wow...

You need a girlfriend bro. Use some of that spare time productively.

[Calinks]

Now THAT'S talent!

[Cigamodnalro]

[TheRevTy]

We have a regular "Weird Al FFBlitzace" on our hands!

I actually would love to see "Under the C" performed. I reckon if we get Patty to a bar, we can make it happen. I also would love to see Stan working Karaoke.

I also picture Dwight and Jameer singing a Dr. Evil and Mini-Me "Just the Two of Us" rendition.

[FFBlitzace]

I wish I had mp3's too, trust me. But for now you'll just have to use your imagination. And come on, they're classic songs. My versions mirror them exactly. I think 1 syllable might be off in the entire thing.

Yes, I do have a lot of time on my hands, but honestly this didn't take terribly long to do. I had basic ideas for them months ago. And the structure of each song was already made for me. It was just filling in the blanks.

[LBPTarHeel27]

Post of the Year...mark it.

[magik9113]

you can probably find all the songs on youtube if you can't remember them.

with that said, amazing post.

Post of the Year...mark it.

i second that.

[FFBlitzace]

you can probably find all the songs on youtube if you can't remember them.

with that said, amazing post.

-= original quote snipped =-


i second that.

That should have been glaringly obvious, but for whatever reason i never thought of that.

Updated the first post with links....if anybody cares.

[TheGlyde]

[Devin 1L]

That was great!

I'll be looking forward to a drunk Pat Garrity "Under the C" video on YouTube.

By the way, I'd recommend people playing the videos as well as you read through them.