OT: Need some help/advice

sprash9802 · Post #1 » by **sprash9802** » Wed Mar 12, 2008 11:55 pm

Ok...I know a lot of people here dont like me..but for those who care... My girlfriend and I broke up today...in fact she ended it....and I am feeling numb... completely helpless, stunned and I don't know where to go or what to do..I can't work properly, can't eat or sleep... I don't know if I can be with another woman as I loved her really deeply.... I don't feel like living...I am getting suffocated anywhere I am, and can't think of anything else...Her imprints are all over my apartment...and memories keep flooding me...Can someone give me any advice on what to do?? I am really coming apart at the seams and feel like death is my only way out...

Post #2 » by **SuperDeluxe** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 12:04 am

You basically feel like most people under the same circumstances. Life goes on. Just hang in there, you'll be fine.

Celtic Esquire · Post #3 » by **Celtic Esquire** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 12:04 am

Dude....drink it up with your friends Johnnie and Jack.

You'll feel much better.

celtsloyalty · Post #4 » by **celtsloyalty** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 12:29 am

sprash9802 wrote:Ok...I know a lot of people here dont like me..but for those who care... My girlfriend and I broke up today...in fact she ended it....and I am feeling numb... completely helpless, stunned and I don't know where to go or what to do..I can't work properly, can't eat or sleep... I don't know if I can be with another woman as I loved her really deeply.... I don't feel like living...I am getting suffocated anywhere I am, and can't think of anything else...Her imprints are all over my apartment...and memories keep flooding me...Can someone give me any advice on what to do?? I am really coming apart at the seams and feel like death is my only way out...

Is she your first love? Because the first love breakup is always the worst. You can't imagine yourself with anyone else (because you haven't been with anyone else). All of those things you described are completely normal, can't concentrate, being burnt out, just wanting to sleep your "life" away, basically just being in a constant panic attack etc are some symptoms I remember. Well the bad news is the next month or so is going to suck and you may never completely get over it for a long long time but the good news is you just learn to live with it and eventually things get back to normal. Plus right now all you are probably thinking about is all of the positive things about her and how much you looove her, but what you are ignoring is all of the negative things about her and how you obviously weren't right for eachother. So when you meet someone else, which you will, you will know what you're looking for and try to find someone who is a better fit then your x. Anyway just take it easy for now, relieve your stress in good ways like going to the gym, running etc. not drinking all day all night and making drunk calls to her, or chain smoking or something. Try to go out with your friends as much as possible and just move on with your life, you will be a stronger smarter man in the end because of it. But just make sure you do one thing for me and don't rebound and jump into another doomed relationship!

sprash9802 · Post #5 » by **sprash9802** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 12:42 am

celtsloyalty wrote:-= original quote snipped =-

Is she your first love? Because the first love breakup is always the worst. You can't imagine yourself with anyone else (because you haven't been with anyone else). All of those things you described are completely normal, can't concentrate, being burnt out, just wanting to sleep your "life" away, basically just being in a constant panic attack etc are some symptoms I remember. Well the bad news is the next month or so is going to suck and you may never completely get over it for a long long time but the good news is you just learn to live with it and eventually things get back to normal. Plus right now all you are probably thinking about is all of the positive things about her and how much you looove her, but what you are ignoring is all of the negative things about her and how you obviously weren't right for eachother. So when you meet someone else, which you will, you will know what you're looking for and try to find someone who is a better fit then your x. Anyway just take it easy for now, relieve your stress in good ways like going to the gym, running etc. not drinking all day all night and making drunk calls to her, or chain smoking or something. Try to go out with your friends as much as possible and just move on with your life, you will be a stronger smarter man in the end because of it. But just make sure you do one thing for me and don't rebound and jump into another doomed relationship!

She is my first real love yes... I thought I would marry her and thats all I would need...It really stings and I cant think of anything else to do... I turned on the TV so that the silence wont kill me sooner... I have been crying like a girl the last two days and everything reminds me of her... Crap...

Post #6 » by **canman1971** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 12:58 am

First thing you should do is find another apartment if at all possible. If that is not, rearrange everything that is moveable and even consider a fresh coat of paint. Changing your surroundings will help alleviate the constant memories breathing down your neck. Be around your friends as much as possible and just enjoy life. It does sting, and suck, but believe me, it gets easier.

steef number7 · Post #7 » by **steef number7** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 1:02 am

I'm probably alot younger then you but for what it's worth i feel your pain man, my girlfriend broke up with me aswell yesterday after almost 2 years and i'm feeling really numb aswell right now. Just try to focus on the other aspects of life (work, hobbies,...). Don't know if this helps but anyway i get it, maybe not totally but still.

take care and hope you find someway to think of other stuff

ARB729 · Post #8 » by **ARB729** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 1:38 am

sprash9802 wrote:Ok...I know a lot of people here dont like me..but for those who care... My girlfriend and I broke up today...in fact she ended it....and I am feeling numb... completely helpless, stunned and I don't know where to go or what to do..I can't work properly, can't eat or sleep... I don't know if I can be with another woman as I loved her really deeply.... I don't feel like living...I am getting suffocated anywhere I am, and can't think of anything else...Her imprints are all over my apartment...and memories keep flooding me...Can someone give me any advice on what to do?? I am really coming apart at the seams and feel like death is my only way out...

I'm also going through the same thing bud. You know what, give it time. If it's meant to be, it'll work out. Take it easy for a while, don't call her or anything. Then in two weeks, try and contact her and explain to her your feelings and see what she does. It does suck more than anything in the world. Believe me, I love her more than anything else, even the Celtics. Things that are supposed to be have a way of working out, even if that's a little cliche.

celtsloyalty · Post #9 » by **celtsloyalty** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 2:01 am

sprash9802 wrote:-= original quote snipped =-

She is my first real love yes... I thought I would marry her and thats all I would need...It really stings and I cant think of anything else to do... I turned on the TV so that the silence wont kill me sooner... I have been crying like a girl the last two days and everything reminds me of her... Crap...

oh ya well the first love breakup is the worst, probably one of the worst feelings you will ever feel. And most people think they're going to marry their first love, but like i said now you know what to and not to look for in your next girlfriend and that will make you a better person.

leper-con · Post #10 » by **leper-con** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 2:04 am

sprash9802 wrote:Ok...I know a lot of people here dont like me..but for those who care... My girlfriend and I broke up today...in fact she ended it....and I am feeling numb... completely helpless, stunned and I don't know where to go or what to do..I can't work properly, can't eat or sleep... I don't know if I can be with another woman as I loved her really deeply.... I don't feel like living...I am getting suffocated anywhere I am, and can't think of anything else...Her imprints are all over my apartment...and memories keep flooding me...Can someone give me any advice on what to do?? I am really coming apart at the seams and feel like death is my only way out...

Sprash,
A little grieving is normal and it can include crying, yelling, not understanding, why me, feelings of hopelessness, helplessness and the occasional thoughts of suicide. Can you tell I work for mental health? Look, this is what friends and family are for. Seek them out, call them, don't be alone for the next little while. Don't try and make sense of "it" as this usually doesn't help. From your perspective you loved her, cared about her and this wasn't reciprocated. Hold onto the good, what you learned.

As for the clichese(Sp) there are other fish in the sea. If it was ment to be it would be. Alls fair in love and war. The first one is the worst. It does get easier.

Now if you find yourself contemplating Suicide reach out to a school counsellor, university counsellor or someone in the community. I'd stay away from substances as this will only increase whatever feeling you are experiencing. Alcohol is classified as a depressant.

We all go throught this. This is what people call baggage. But it builds character.

Joebiscuit · Post #11 » by **Joebiscuit** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 2:31 am

People on here have pretty much said what I would say. I understand how you feel the only way the pain goes away is if you kill yourself. I have been there as well. You are going to reach a point, probably really soon, where you are out with your friends, over a families house or on a date having a good times and you're going to think to yourself "I cannot believe I even though about suicide."

I had a good friend from high school who I saw from 1992-1997 almost every day. We did everything together. He started drinking and I simply could not handle hanging around him anymore. We more less went our separate ways. I called him 3 years ago, we talked for an hour and he said he will call me back. He never did. Regardless I thought we would be friends again at some point. I get a call on December 10th of this year that he was found dead in his apartment. He was 33 years old, had his whole life ahead of him and as harsh as this sounds he wasted it.

I went to his wake and realized all the people who loved him, cared for him, were touched by him and how many people were devastated he was gone. The point you have people who care for you and will be there for you if they need to be. You really do have a whole lot of life to live and don't let some women **** it up for you.

Andrew McCeltic · Post #12 » by **Andrew McCeltic** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 3:17 am

don't kill yourself
listen to the right broke-up music. johnny cash would be a good start
i'd never seen it and i thought it was about sleazy manwhores but when i went through my last bad breakup my friend made me watch Swingers. i could relate.

also in that last bad breakup i found consolation in a NICK LACHEY song, if anybody should kill emselves it's me

you'll get better

Andrew McCeltic · Post #13 » by **Andrew McCeltic** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 3:38 am

http://www.apple.com/trailers/universal ... hmarshall/ might make you laugh at some point

TheMartian · Post #14 » by **TheMartian** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 4:04 am

sprash, listen to the people who have posted here. They know what they are talking about. Killing yourself would be the easiest if not the coward's way out. It's the last thing you should do. I understand she will always be in your mind and in your heart no matter where you go or what you do, and that hurts a lot.

My advice, find things to do or places to go with your friends that would help get your mind off her. I'm not suggesting you forget her completely, just try and look for things that will help you get over her. If you are really meant to be together, she'll end up back in your arms before you even know it.

EdSkae · Post #15 » by **EdSkae** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 5:26 am

Forget being depressed about getting dumped. You are now free to have fun. There are plenty of hot girls out there just looking to have fun. Get out there and enjoy yourself.

sprash9802 · Post #16 » by **sprash9802** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 2:01 pm

EdSkae wrote:Forget being depressed about getting dumped. You are now free to have fun. There are plenty of hot girls out there just looking to have fun. Get out there and enjoy yourself.

I dont know how old you are man, but I am past the stage of meeting a 'hot' girl for fun.... I just want to fall in love with someone and spend my life with her... Feeling empty and lonely is no fun...

P.S: Mods, I am sorry for bringing this thread back up.

floyd · Post #17 » by **floyd** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 2:34 pm

Might sound stupid but I'd try exercise. Get all the stuff out.

Dogen · Post #18 » by **Dogen** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 3:01 pm

Sprash, there's some good advice posted here (not sure about the exhortations to drink; that could backfire). Listen to your Celtic buddies and hang in there. It will get better, and this comes from a guy who went through enough heartache for years and finally began to learn. But hey, I'll prolly get hooked again at some point, it's part of life.

So, yeah, maybe it's not such a good idea to mull around the apartment with all the memories, trinkets, scents, etc. that remind you of her. Try to enjoy the great season the C's are having, find some sympathetic buds to talk to, go watch some comedy movies to lighten your spirit (Semi Pro?). Keep yourself in shape, too, working out can clear your head and help your confidence level. And if you can and are ready, use this opportunity to help others in some way. This will also lighten your heavy heart.

I guess this means I'll be taking you off the ignore list, too. I did kinda have you pinned as an opinionated naysayer on this board, but I respect you for showing this other side maybe I missed out on.

sprash9802 · Post #19 » by **sprash9802** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 3:46 pm

Dogen wrote:Sprash, there's some good advice posted here (not sure about the exhortations to drink; that could backfire). Listen to your Celtic buddies and hang in there. It will get better, and this comes from a guy who went through enough heartache for years and finally began to learn. But hey, I'll prolly get hooked again at some point, it's part of life.

So, yeah, maybe it's not such a good idea to mull around the apartment with all the memories, trinkets, scents, etc. that remind you of her. Try to enjoy the great season the C's are having, find some sympathetic buds to talk to, go watch some comedy movies to lighten your spirit (Semi Pro?). Keep yourself in shape, too, working out can clear your head and help your confidence level. And if you can and are ready, use this opportunity to help others in some way. This will also lighten your heavy heart.

I guess this means I'll be taking you off the ignore list, too. I did kinda have you pinned as an opinionated naysayer on this board, but I respect you for showing this other side maybe I missed out on.

Dogen, I am really struggling man...I just feel empty inside... And everything seems to remind me of her... I forced myself to watch the Cs last night and even that seemed like watching a funeral...My heart, my legs, are all heavy... I keep waking up at 4 and think of her... Can you ever give yourself to someone again knowing they can crush you just as much?

Dogen · Post #20 » by **Dogen** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 4:50 pm

I just feel empty inside...

It's not possible to feel something that is not there, so there must be something in that empty feeling, something quite strong. You are experiencing the loss now, but there is plenty inside of you, otherwise why would you even care? It will be difficult, but that 'empty' agony will subside.

Can you ever give yourself to someone again knowing they can crush you just as much?

Of course you can give yourself again! And you'll be fortunate if you do. However, it's really not up to the other person whether you get crushed or not. That's actually up to you. Don't be too hard on yourself, man, this experience will likely prepare you for the next one, and you'll be all the stronger for it.

And, uh... how bout that 10 game winning streak, guys?