OT: Need some help/advice

[GWVan]

-= original quote snipped =-

I dont know how old you are man, but I am past the stage of meeting a 'hot' girl for fun.... I just want to fall in love with someone and spend my life with her... Feeling empty and lonely is no fun...

P.S: Mods, I am sorry for bringing this thread back up.

First, lots of good advise here, but drinking when you are down can cause more problems that it will ever solve.

DO NOT limit yourself as being past the stage of hot girls. When my marriage of 16 years broke up and I was pretty sure that being in my late 30's and divorced meant my life was over, it was those hot (and in my case, much younger) girls that brought me back to life. A few years down the road one of those "little girls" roped me back in - now coming up on 10 years.

Time is the key here - it gets marginally better every day until one day you look back and you wonder what the heck you were so miserable about.

In any relationship there are things you can not do, doesn't matter if its eating in bed or wearing the same jeans three days in a row. Treat yourself to those things - no matter how trivial.

And above all - do nothing that amounts to a long term solution to a short term problem - and that's what this is, no matter what is seems, a short term problem.

[sarah42]

try therapy. make sure to find the right person who can talk to you.

it works.

suicide is so not the answer. its never the answer!

[PPAW4Life]

Find love in the Boston Celtics!!

We are on the verge of a very special season, don't let it go by without experiencing every joyous moment.

[greenbeans]

lots of good advice here.
i went through the same thing. last summer my gf of 4yrs at the time had a thing on the side and i didnt find out til the night she was movin out. she said we were breakin up "cuz the love wasnt there" found her shoebox full of pics and notes, UGHHH. to put it nicely, i was broken.
the one thing that should be a universal response, GIVE IT TIME. like they say, it heals all wounds.
and dont take the "random slampig" advice lightly, it will do WONDERS for your newly shattered ego.
where you from and how old are ya?? im always down to go have a drink or ten with a friend in need.

[Collinto]

Why do you think that SHE is responsible for your happiness?

[SeizeCoup]

Hey bro, keep your chin up. This girl, she's the enemy. Man up. Don't let her control your emotions. GWVan gave some great advice:

In any relationship there are things you can not do, doesn't matter if its eating in bed or wearing the same jeans three days in a row. Treat yourself to those things - no matter how trivial.

You are free now! Having a girl is great, but being on your own can be awesome as well. Go shoot ft's somewhere, get outside, get active, get over this bitch. She may have been awesome at times, but don't do her any favors, the girl ripped your heart out, your personal sanity is now the number one priority!

Try new things, new activities etc, this is my final advice. Sign up for a kickboxing class, buy yourself a massage, with the money you'll save since you're not paying for her ish, use that dough on what's really important, you!

This too will pass, time heals emotional wounds.

DO NOT OFF YOURSELF!

Good things are coming, life gives you low moments, they make the good experiences all that much more satisfying.

[Big Baby]

Face it.
It's not going to get better anytime soon.
But it WILL get better eventually.
And it WILL make you a man.
Just don't lose it in the meantime.
Because the more desperate you get, the more pathetic you'll look to your ex and you don't want that.
What you want is to hold yourself together no matter how difficult it is.
You wanna be Coooool.
Or at least look it.
Because in the end, you'll find someone better.
And you'll be a better, happier man than you are now.
And the girl who dumped you?
She can go xxxx herself.
You're now free to go and hook up with other girls as often as possible. I highly recommend this.
I know it's hard, but try it.
You can do this.
Just give yourself a chance.
And watch "Swingers."
Because laughing and crying is good for your soul...as is sleeping with lots and lots of women.
(Trust me. It really helps.)
Good luck!

[sully00]

Sprash

I am not going to kid you and tell you that the pain you feel will go away, but that is alright because the best part of the pain you feel is that you are alive. You are neither dead in reality or on the inside or you wouldn't feel that. Trust me the guy who just gave away half his assets to get rid of the woman who has shared the last 20 years with would love to be broken hearted and not just feel dead inside. Nothing is going to make it go away anyhow so embrace that pain for what it is, if you were never in love you could never feel this way.

Don't focus on the things you did together go find the things you did before you were with this girl/woman. While sports is a decent escape I would recomend music, rediscover who you are, go see a show.

[wigglestrue]

I dont know how old you are man, but I am past the stage of meeting a 'hot' girl for fun.... I just want to fall in love with someone and spend my life with her... Feeling empty and lonely is no fun...

There are approximately hundreds of thousands of women who are just like her. Literally, just like her, similar mannerisms, likes and dislikes, smells, etc. Many are even be better than her, better for you, prettier, kinder, and more lovable. Not sure if that reality will help much...but it helped me when I was in the exact same situation as you. She is not the only woman you were meant to fall in love with. Mourn her. Then move on. There is another lonely pretty woman out there, somewhere, waiting for you.

(Please don't contemplate suicide, there are cancer patients in the world who have 100,000 times the justification for offing themselves, but who never give up hope. Breaking up with a girlfriend is not cancer.

Cry like a bitch by yourself, let it all out, hate her, miss her, hate her, miss her. You'll feel nausea, you'll feel dead inside. The works. All of that is natural. When the tears are dry, when you have a neutral moment in which you almost forget about her, put on "Poison" by BBD. Then try to start sacking up. Watch more sports than you ever have in your life. Get your mojo back, bit by bit.

After a couple of days (weeks if it's a bad breakup like mine) you'll begin to realize how insignificant the heartbreak you feel now is, and how much more there is in life to live for than just one single woman.

[wigglestrue]

She may have been awesome at times, but don't do her any favors, the girl ripped your heart out, your personal sanity is now the number one priority!

Try new things, new activities etc, this is my final advice. Sign up for a kickboxing class, buy yourself a massage, with the money you'll save since you're not paying for her ish, use that dough on what's really important, you!

What CalderCup said is great, too.

[UHar_Vinnie]

Like everything else in life, time will heal your wounds. Trust me.

I got to tell you, so many times over the years, there were seemingly devastating disappointments in my life. But looking back, my life ended up being better, or was not affected at all, because of subsequent events.

For example, let's say you might be dissapointed that you did not get into a medical school, but you end up happy and wealthy as a successful start-up entrepenuer, and you see your doctor friends being absolutely miserable. Not getting into a medical school was a blessing in disguise in that example.

It really takes a several years before you can look back in your life and detemine how an event affected your life. Maybe this breakup is a prelude to your meeting an even better woman. You never know. Really. Hang in there and watch some Celtics game, man!

[crm0922]

Dude....drink it up with your friends Johnnie and Jack.

You'll feel much better.

Please go easy on the drinking. Believe me, I love drinking as much as the next idiot, but it can really increase your feelings of depression.

I'm surprised that anyone would recommend drinking as a solution to someone feeling like they can't go on.

Seriously, just hang in there. The passing of time will make it better. A lot of us have been through failed relationships. Do stuff that makes you happy. Hang out with your buddies. Go to a basketball game. Take a look at why the relationship ended and see if there's anything you did wrong and learn from that. Learning how to deal with women takes a lot of time and tons of effort. Sometimes these things really are for the best.

Hope you feel better,

C

[ARB729]

I don't mean to bump this, but I just want to make sure you're okay Sprash.

[bruno sundov]

talk to someone who is a professional. It can only help!!!!

[Gant]

Sprash,

I just read this thread for the first time.

What I can tell you is, you're going to feel good again. It might not seem like it this minute, but you will. There's no doubt about that. It won't even be all that long a time to get there.

The first thing to pay attention to is sleep. You said you've been shortchanging yourself sleepwise. When you don't get enough sleep it makes a situation like this feel much worse.

Spend some time outside during the day.

You've already done the other important thing, which is just express yourself and reach out. Keep doing that.

It seems like dark times now, but you're going to be ok.

If you fell like hurting yourself, definitely call a professional to talk this through. They will be able to help you.

Get some sleep, eat something, talk to someone about this-- you'll start to feel better. Your head will get clearer, and then things will look up.

This will pass man. It really will.

[sprash9802]

To all my fellow RealGm-ers,
I cannot really thank you enough for your words, advice and support. As someone said, a lot of my posts here come off as from a guy who wants to be negative just for the sake of it. I vent, because I am passionate about the team. If I offend anyone, I am truly sorry...

Its been a brutal week for me... I am trying real hard to move on, but some of her words have left some real deep scars.... Its hard when you give your all to someone, and have them just pretend as if nothing ever happened.... Since I love her so much, I cant even think of wishing her ill..even though I am really hurting inside... Not a day has gone without me crying... I can't really function properly right now... but I have gone through some real tough times the past 2 years and emerged alive.... Plus thoughts of my family back home in India and how much they care about me keep me from killing myself... Hey, if anyone wants to grab a drink sometime, I am game... They say things happen for a reason...and I am hoping the Man upstairs better have a good reason for what he has put me through...

I haven't met any of you guys, but I dont think I can thank you enough for everything you have said... I might take a small break from posting... try and clear my mind off of things... But in case a group of you guys wanna talk some Cs and have a few drinks, let me know...my email is sprash98 at yahoo....

Take care folks

[Gant]

I'm really glad you checked back in here Sprash.

You're gonna feel good again. In fact you already sound a little better. Just do what you need to do for yourself to make today better. In a short time everything will be fine. It's just today -right now- that's hard. That's the way these things work.

Like I said before. Go outside during the daylight- that helps.

You already know people care about you.

Hang in there buddy.

[celticOCD]

Sprash: I just read this and am glad that you are fighting your way through this. I am also glad to hear that you are thinking of your family at this time. I'm sure you would not wish the misery you are enduring on anyone else, let alone those you love, and the devastation that taking your life would cause your family would be hard to exaggerate. And the scars would never fully heal.

You cannot be replaced, but the woman who left you can be. You're feeling intense despair and loss of self esteem right now. But keep in mind that whatever she said to cut you so deeply, she once did not believe herself, or your relationship would not have developed to the point it did. What she saw in you once others will see. The fact that her feelings changed does not mean that others will also be fickle. Your game posts have made clear you are a passionate person, and your posts in this thread tell me that, in you, that passion translates into strong feelings of devotion and loyalty. Most women interested in the type of serious relationship you seek value these traits very highly. Do not allow one woman's opinion to define your sense of self worth.

And as others have advised, allow time to help you heal. You mentioned that you've been through a lot of ups and downs. At the height of your relationship with this woman, I'm sure you no longer cared about any of the lows that preceded your euphoria. As hard as it may be to imagine now, you can have that euphoria again. It seems impossible now because you know what you had with this woman and that nobody else will be just like her, but every human relationship is unique. Someone else will touch you in a totally different way, a way that will also be unique. Give that a chance to happen.

And please check in every now and then to let us know you're alright.

[sprash9802]

Sprash: I just read this and am glad that you are fighting your way through this. I am also glad to hear that you are thinking of your family at this time. I'm sure you would not wish the misery you are enduring on anyone else, let alone those you love, and the devastation that taking your life would cause your family would be hard to exaggerate. And the scars would never fully heal.

You cannot be replaced, but the woman who left you can be. You're feeling intense despair and loss of self esteem right now. But keep in mind that whatever she said to cut you so deeply, she once did not believe herself, or your relationship would not have developed to the point it did. What she saw in you once others will see. The fact that her feelings changed does not mean that others will also be fickle. Your game posts have made clear you are a passionate person, and your posts in this thread tell me that, in you, that passion translates into strong feelings of devotion and loyalty. Most women interested in the type of serious relationship you seek value these traits very highly. Do not allow one woman's opinion to define your sense of self worth.

And as others have advised, allow time to help you heal. You mentioned that you've been through a lot of ups and downs. At the height of your relationship with this woman, I'm sure you no longer cared about any of the lows that preceded your euphoria. As hard as it may be to imagine now, you can have that euphoria again. It seems impossible now because you know what you had with this woman and that nobody else will be just like her, but every human relationship is unique. Someone else will touch you in a totally different way, a way that will also be unique. Give that a chance to happen.

And please check in every now and then to let us know you're alright.

Guys..thanks a lot for all your support...I just wanted to clarify a few things..She called me yesterday and beautifully explained her reasons... I felt so much better and I thanked her for it... She is a wonderful person and I will always love her and have a place for her in my heart...She did not have bothered calling me, but she said she felt terrible and she called me... She deserves the best in her life, as she is warm and compassionate... It sucks that I cant be the one to be with her for the rest of her life...but if I had said anything bad about her, I will take it all back.... She took care of me while we were together and she taught me a lot of things in and about life... All I want is for her to be happy... I can NEVER wish her ill..because I love her and I know she is just a good person at heart... She has things she needs to sort out...and thats ok... I am not hurt anymore even though I miss her terribly and I still cry...

I just wanted to say this, just in case people thought she was another cruel woman...She is FAR from it... I sincerely hope God gives her the best, because she deserves it....\ I just hope I find someone who can care for me as much as she did..and I hope God also gives her and her family the best because they are wonderful people and they deserve good things... She deserves to be loved and cared for... And I hope she is happy in life... Its super hard to let go... but as long as she is happy, I am happy...

Still missing her terribly,
Prash

[sprash9802]

Sprash: I just read this and am glad that you are fighting your way through this. I am also glad to hear that you are thinking of your family at this time. I'm sure you would not wish the misery you are enduring on anyone else, let alone those you love, and the devastation that taking your life would cause your family would be hard to exaggerate. And the scars would never fully heal.

You cannot be replaced, but the woman who left you can be. You're feeling intense despair and loss of self esteem right now. But keep in mind that whatever she said to cut you so deeply, she once did not believe herself, or your relationship would not have developed to the point it did. What she saw in you once others will see. The fact that her feelings changed does not mean that others will also be fickle. Your game posts have made clear you are a passionate person, and your posts in this thread tell me that, in you, that passion translates into strong feelings of devotion and loyalty. Most women interested in the type of serious relationship you seek value these traits very highly. Do not allow one woman's opinion to define your sense of self worth.

And as others have advised, allow time to help you heal. You mentioned that you've been through a lot of ups and downs. At the height of your relationship with this woman, I'm sure you no longer cared about any of the lows that preceded your euphoria. As hard as it may be to imagine now, you can have that euphoria again. It seems impossible now because you know what you had with this woman and that nobody else will be just like her, but every human relationship is unique. Someone else will touch you in a totally different way, a way that will also be unique. Give that a chance to happen.

And please check in every now and then to let us know you're alright.

Guys..thanks a lot for all your support...I just wanted to clarify a few things..She called me yesterday and beautifully explained her reasons... I felt so much better and I thanked her for it... She is a wonderful person and I will always love her and have a place for her in my heart...She did not have bothered calling me, but she said she felt terrible and she called me... She deserves the best in her life, as she is warm and compassionate... It sucks that I cant be the one to be with her for the rest of her life...but if I had said anything bad about her, I will take it all back.... She took care of me while we were together and she taught me a lot of things in and about life... All I want is for her to be happy... I can NEVER wish her ill..because I love her and I know she is just a good person at heart... She has things she needs to sort out...and thats ok... I am not hurt anymore even though I miss her terribly and I still cry...

I just wanted to say this, just in case people thought she was another cruel woman...She is FAR from it... I sincerely hope God gives her the best, because she deserves it....\ I just hope I find someone who can care for me as much as she did..and I hope God also gives her and her family the best because they are wonderful people and they deserve good things... She deserves to be loved and cared for... And I hope she is happy in life... Its super hard to let go... but as long as she is happy, I am happy...

Still missing her terribly,
Prash