Lakers-Celtics: A rivalry so big it should be on Versus
Matchups within the big matchup make this NBA Finals one not to miss.
http://www.latimes.com/sports/basketball/nba/lakers/la-sp-plaschke1-2008jun01,0,6664172.column
It's another blowhard crap from Bill Simmons, err, I mean, Bill Plaschke of the LA Times. This is what our enemies are saying.
Joker vs. joker
The Lakers have a human mascot known for his smile and his sunglasses.
The Celtics have a human mascot known for his hoodie and his half-baked excuses for spying on his enemies.
During the fourth quarter of every home game, the Laker fans will give a standing ovation to Jack Nicholson.
During games in Boston, the Celtics fans will give similar ovations to New England Patriots Coach Bill Belichick, who may or may not be talking into his shoe.
At least Boston has a football team.
The Laker Girls
vs. the Celtic Dancers
While the Lakers were the first team to extensively use in-game dancers, the Celtics were the last.
The difference can be found in the pages of an on-line diary written by a current Celtic Dancer named Michelle.
"With the Celtics exceeding 60 wins, I got to thinking: As a Celtic Dancer, what I have done 60 times this year?" she wrote.
Her first answer?
"Fake tanned."
This one stings. I really wish Wyc & Co. would scrap this nonsense. But here comes the real red meat of this douchebag's column.
Phil vs. Red
It is sad that the late Celtics coaching icon Red Auerbach will not be here to see his Celtics defend the honor of his nine championships.
If the Lakers' Phil Jackson wins his 10th title, breaking a record he shares with Red, here's hoping he'll smoke a championship cigar as a tribute.
There's more.
Staples Tradition
vs. Garden Tradition
Parquet, smarquet, that thing in Boston is still just a floor.
Chant vs. Chant
In the early days of this championship rivalry, the Celtics fans invented the "Beat L.A." chant.
The Lakers will respond this week with a simple, "M-V-P, M-V-P."
The Boston chant is wish.
The Lakers chant is a reality.
I propose a new chant when the Flakers come to town:
RAPIST! RAPIST! RAPIST!
The streets of L.A. vs. Paul Pierce
When the Celtics' Pierce returns to his Los Angeles home, here's hoping he leaves his street gestures in his expensive suitcase.
Despite all the anti-gang work done by Pierce's charities, none of it received more publicity than the alleged gang sign he flashed at the Atlanta Hawks earlier in the playoffs.
After the Celtics lose in five games, a simple goodbye wave will do.
In your dreams, ass-hole. In your dreams.
