NFL Week 2 Picks

[NESB]

This is my first ever weekly picks column. I am going to try my best to keep up with it throughout the season, but I am not making any promises. My picks are bolded, highlighted in red, and are of course made factoring in the spread. Here we go!



Tennessee at Cincinnati (-1)

Tennessee’s offense actually improves with Kerry Collins behind center. “Oh….sorry Vince. I didn’t know you were here. I‘m sorry….really I am….awww come on Vince don’t cry now…you’re making me feel terrible…I really didn’t mean it…I swear!”

So like I was saying Tennessee will greatly miss their Rose Bowl MVP quarterback Vince Young, but they are still the more physical team and they will punish the Cincinnati Ocho Cincos! And one more thing, Tennessee running back Chris Johnson will win the rookie of the year award this year. I don’t know if you heard it here first or not, but I am saying it right now.



Green Bay (-3) at Detroit

With Green Bay on Fox this Sunday will we be treated to Joe Buck talking about Brett Favre for four hours?

Please spare us Bucko! Kornheiser already covered this topic more than sufficiently on Monday Night when Brett Favre’s name was mentioned more times than all the players that were actually playing in the game combined. We get it already!!! He’s a gunslinger who has a joyous time playing football! He doesn’t play for the Pack anymore! Next story line fellas!

Aaron Rodgers is good and the Lions are not.



Oakland at Kansas City (-3 ½)

No comments.



NY Giants (-8½) at St. Louis

Eli Manning will enjoy throwing against the St. Louis secondary more than he enjoys liking the cream out of an Oreo Cookie! Or at least it will be a close second.




Indianapolis (-1 ½) at Minnesota

Indy’s offense didn‘t look quite right last week. I think their passing attack gets back on track this week. I don’t think for a second that their D can contain Peterson, but I don’t think it will matter. This is a tough game to pick. Can Indy really start off 0-2? I say no. They are one of the Kings of September. A-Rod being the other.



New Orleans at Washington (PK)

New Orleans even without Colston is too explosive for the Washington Conservatives. Hey Jason Campbell you are down by two scores, there are two minutes left in the game, and you just attempted four consecutive two-yard out patterns. Please explain? What do you have to lose?! Please try to make a play next time!



Chicago at Carolina (-3)

CAN KYLE ORTON REALLY GO ON THE ROAD AND WIN TWO STRAIGHT GAMES?!.....sure. WILL HE?!......maybe. I really don’t know. This is another tough game to pick. If Steve Smith was playing I would say that the chances of a teammate getting punched in the face would significantly improve, as well as Carolina’s chances of winning. Whatever. I am going with Carolina anyways.



Buffalo at Jacksonville (-5½)

Count me as someone that isn’t buying the Jaguars as a Super Bowl contender and this was before they lost to the Titans last week (I swear). Not saying that they will lose this game, but I think 5 ½ points is too much.

They paid David Garrard big bucks this off season and he rewarded them for their generosity by getting sacked SEVEN times and throwing two picks last week. I never saw Garrard as anything more than a game manager. Now after getting paid the big bucks does he feel the pressure to go out and make plays? I don’t know the answer to that question. So I will ask a question that I do know the answer to:

Did Jeff Barrows (NESB author) drop David Garrard in order to pick up the new Pats QB Matt Cassel this week in our NESB Fantasy Football League? The answer to that is…..YES!!!



San Francisco at Seattle (-7)

Seattle by SEVEN?! Really? With Hasselbeck nursing a bad back and a group of wide receivers that could make Chad Jackson look like a young, dumb, version of Randy Moss. I think San Fran gives the ball to Frank Gore enough or keeps the ball out of J.T. O’ Sullivan’s hands enough (depending on how you want to look at it) to keep it close.



Atlanta at Tampa Bay (-7)

I don’t think that the Bucs, with Brian Greise at the helm, could beat the Brockton High Boxers by Seven, but I do think they could beat the Atlanta Falcons by Seven. Just kidding. I am taking Matty Ryan, Michael Turner, and more importantly those Seven Points!



New England at NY Jets (-1½)

With all the talk this week being about Matt Cassel making his FIRST start since he played Pee Wee football for the Northridge, CA Little Raiders aren’t we forgetting about another first here? Brett Favre’s FIRST home start for the Jets. You don’t think Favre’s feeling the pressure of trying to be the hero that slays the Mighty Patriots? I think Brett tries a little too hard in this one and makes some costly mistakes. Pats win in a close one.



Miami at Arizona (-7)

Is Arizona really that good or is Miami really that bad? I say neither. This spread looks absurd to me. I am taking Miami and the seven.



San Diego (-1) at Denver

San Diego the underachievers that everyone loves to overrate. They are notoriously slow starters and with a dinged up Tomlinson and Gates I like Denver in this game. And even if those too were healthy I would still like Denver in this game. Denver’s offense looked super legit last week and that was without stud wide out Brandon Marshall.

Rookie wide receiver Eddie Royal made DeAngelo Hall look like he was suffering from a severe bout of vertigo, Jay “Chicken Cutlet” Cutler looked like a young John Elway, and Mike Shanahan looked even more evil and crazed than he normally does. I think Shanahan believes that he has finally found the QB he has been waiting for since Elway retired and I do too.



Pittsburgh (-6) at Cleveland

Poor Cleveland. People stupidly picked them to win the AFC North based off last years surprisingly good season when they finished 10-6. Pittsburgh is still the team to beat in the AFC North and they will prove it this week in Cleveland.



Philadelphia at Dallas (-7)

Apparently odds makers aren’t as convinced with Donovan McNabb’s seeming resurgence as I am. If he keeps playing like he did throughout the preseason and into week one Chunky soup is going to have to bring back him and his Mom for a whole new batch of commercials.

“Donovan!!! You don‘t suck anymore!!! You must have started eating that Chunky soup I keep trying to force on you again!!! Keep it up and remember Mom Loves you and just wants her boy to eat a nice hearty meal before games!!!” “Thanks Mom! I love you too! And I love eating a big bowl of Chunky’s Savory Pot Roast Soup before a big game!”

Campbell’s Chunky Soup fills you up and makes you good at playing quarterback again....