Blue Jays making my life bearable - Helping men everywhere

chargerxthirty · Post #1 » by **chargerxthirty** » Wed May 6, 2009 7:30 pm

If not for the fantastic start the Blue Jays have gotten off to, I would have to say my life would be much more miserable. I was clinging on for dear life the whole year while the Raptors and Leafs disappointed me and many others. What do you mean clinging on for life cxt?

Allow me to explain. After dreadful seasons by both of those teams, my girlfriend was becoming infuriated with my inability to shut off the game. I can't really blame her. Every night there was a piss poor **** ass team playing, and I still couldn't seperate myself. MANY OF US HAVE THIS PROBLEM, the Raptors in particular toyed with our emotions this year.

Day in and day out, I'd have to come up with a good story line or plot or some reason that I just HAD to see this game. Yes yes, this was wearing thin on Kelly. If you could only imagine the traumatic TV watching experiences I had to endure to get a pass when it came to this issue, you would probably have already emptied your tissue box by now.

It's true, for the first time in my life, I participated in the likes of "Dancing with the stars" , "America's Next Top Model" , "American Idol" .... and unfortunately... "Jon And Kate Plus 8"

Any of you out there with a penis, know what I was going through. It was almost like a different form of castration. My nuts were hanging in the balance. I had to explain to my brother, that I was indeed hetero. It's basically an experience in my life that I would much rather have forgotten already. I am here today to remind you why we are Blue Jays fans, and why I have not forgotten.

The Blue Jays have injected life into Toronto sports again, which is perfect timing considering that they are on almost every night. With the hot start they've gotten off to, and the exciting games they've been a part of, and of course the high powered offense they are toting, even KELLY, my lovely girlfriend has taken a slight interest. Realistically, the offense, the close games, the amazing finishes, the countless walk off victories, the loud sound of the fog horn going off quite frequently. All of these things have been instrumental in selling the game to Kelly.

For this, I want to thank you Blue Jays. I want you to know that your play on the field and your personalities off the field have helped to define a winner thus far. You have single handedly made my life bearable. I cannot begin to imagine what it would be like if you were 8 and 21 like many "experts" predicted. I would probably be ending every post with a giant FML (copyright choc).

However, you have provided one of the best starts to a summer in recent memory. Your play is doing the talking, my girlfriend is on the band wagon, and best of all. I haven't watched a crappy episode of some vagina driven reality TV series in over 3 weeks.

To sum it up, when Kelly affectionately referred to Vernon as "V-Dub" 3 nights ago, I had to work really hard to prevent a tear from streaming from my eye. And not only that.... when Lyle stepped up to the plate and she yelled out "o-fer-bay" ... I nearly fainted. Best of all, when an untelevised game was on yesterday that I couldn't watch... I got one hell of a special phone call right around 3:30 pm. It was Kelly. "Baby, Lindy in the Ruff just went yard! We are winning!" ..... yes... my life is complete. Not only is she on the horse watching the jays with me, but she actually has taken interest. And yes, we do call Adam Lind... Lindy in the Ruff

I just want to thank you Blue Jays, for giving me my balls back. For allowing me to enjoy a summer. For giving me a girlfriend that actually asks what time the game starts.

You have done this city a service,

Sincerely,

- Dave "cxt"

Post #2 » by **tsherkin** » Wed May 6, 2009 8:28 pm

LMMFAO!

Great post!

billy_hoyle · Post #3 » by **billy_hoyle** » Wed May 6, 2009 9:34 pm

This post is so money!

s e n s i · Post #4 » by **s e n s i** » Wed May 6, 2009 10:07 pm

FO SHO, my friend.

I haven't been this excited for a team since the '07 Raps, and you summed it up quite nicely there. What a kick in the balls the 08/09 season was. And it wasn't even like a tease...there we're no opportunities to cheer, thus not even blue balls, just straight sackage and suckage.

As for the female in the relationship, what relationship? I'm doin' it dolo right now, but I haven't hesitated to ask a lady out to the game, which will be next week against the Skankees (spykelee, expect a shout soon, my brethren.). But even still, food tastes significantly better, work is a breeze, and even my sh*ts are coming out like the only thing I eat is All-Bran. Woooooo.

It's surely a long ass season, but this team, win/lose, is very fun to watch regardless.

So put me on record here-- the Jays will not suck this year.

I can handle disappointment (waited all the way up until the 4 minute mark of the 4th quarter of that Raps/Nuggets game in December, until I turned it off), so I will not restrain my excitement for the '09 Jays. It has been a blast so far, and hopefully it'll last.

- Mark

jalenrose#5 · Post #5 » by **jalenrose#5** » Wed May 6, 2009 10:13 pm

Great post...nearly brought a tear to my eye...I feel for you, but during the Leafs and Raps season, I was subjected to the Hills and Desperate Housewives....so I think I trump your shows..but I got her back...she had to watch 5 hours of the NFL Draft last weekend.

Post #6 » by **LittleOzzy** » Wed May 6, 2009 10:21 pm

My girlfriend is pretty good, she doesn't watch many of those female originated dramas and reality shows. She does have one or two favourites but it could be a lot worse.

Plus she doesn't mind watching the Raptors or TFC, she's not a fan of the Jays though... the game is just too slow for her. I think she'll come around though if they continue to win games.

hyper316 · Post #7 » by **hyper316** » Wed May 6, 2009 10:26 pm

OP's post is GOAT! i feel you on every word (except the leafs part, i dont follow them)

edit: "Jon And Kate Plus 8" <-- i know what you mean man! haha, this has turn into like a AA meeting

Post #8 » by **LittleOzzy** » Wed May 6, 2009 10:40 pm

I convinced my girlfriend that those TLC shows are no longer interesting and have been ruined by the TV network.

If you noticed when John and Kate plus 8 or Little People Big World first started the shows were about how different it was to live a normal life for them, but now that they are living off the TLC money the shows are about nothing more then how many trips they can go on.

They took away everything interesting about the show. It's no longer about how hard is it to live as a little person and more about how easy it is to stay in a 6 star hotel in Hawaii if you have the money and a camera crew with you.

Mustard_Tiger · Post #9 » by **Mustard_Tiger** » Wed May 6, 2009 10:50 pm

Don't speak too soon. It's baseball, it can takes things away from you more cruelly than you can possibly imagine.

chargerxthirty · Post #10 » by **chargerxthirty** » Wed May 6, 2009 11:06 pm

heh,

thank you for the post praises guys.

I figured it was neccessary considering the bum rap I took all winter from the lady. I was inspired to write something realistic and which is probably the norm for a lot of us dudes who bleed sports.

:>

BasketballAbyss · Post #11 » by **BasketballAbyss** » Thu May 7, 2009 4:08 am

GOAT post right there.

As I mentioned back at the beginning of the season, I've had problems getting my girlfriend to watch the Jays. Although nowhere near the passion yours seems to have cxt, she's actually willing to watch the games with me now. Damn bandwagoner

haha.

Anyways, epic post by you my man. Great stuff.

Post #12 » by **Alfred** » Thu May 7, 2009 4:21 am

jalenrose#5 wrote:Great post...nearly brought a tear to my eye...I feel for you, but during the Leafs and Raps season, I was subjected to the Hills and Desperate Housewives....so I think I trump your shows..but I got her back...she had to watch 5 hours of the NFL Draft last weekend.

Jesus, I don't even know if I could handle watching 1 hour of the friggin' NFL Draft.

But yeah. My girlfriend loves the Raptors (to the point where she will stream games!) but hates baseball. She really finds it boring. Oh well, I guess 1 out of the two sports I follow isn't that bad right?

P.S. She almost cried during the Celtics/Bulls series game 5 or 6, when the Bulls missed those critical free throws.

tecumseh18 · Post #13 » by **tecumseh18** » Thu May 7, 2009 1:20 pm

Epic post. I don't have it so tough. A decade before I met her, my wife was a big fan of the early 90s Jays. She now wears her numero ocho jersey to Raptor games, although after the Spurs game she became a big Roko fan and we agreed to get our two-year-old daughter and huge B-Ball fan a Ukic jersey (you can only fit so many letters on a small jersey, and who knows what the hell is going to happen with Bosh).

So taking the family to a few Jays games this summer won't be a problem.

But watching the Nuggets game to the fourth quarter, especially after what happened in Denver the previous season. Now THAT'S hardcore. When I'm pissed off with the game, I listen to the rest of it on radio. Smith and Jonesy are not really homers, so you hear some good stuff. Smith was saying in the fourth quarter, the Raps just have to go back to square one and do the opposite of whatever they'd been doing up to that point in the season.

Mustard_Tiger wrote:Don't speak too soon. It's baseball, it can takes things away from you more cruelly than you can possibly imagine.

I have two words for the real old-timers: Rick. Monday. I still sometimes cry myself to sleep over that.

paranoid_android · Post #14 » by **paranoid_android** » Thu May 7, 2009 3:46 pm

Great post.

Those are some horrible shows you've had to sit through, and I feel quite lucky that mine doesn't indulge in them. She can't watch the Jays though, for the same reasons others have cited- its too slow for her. She'll watch the raptors, and during the last game of the playoff series against Orlando, when I was out having dinner with some friends (i decided not to give myself a heart attack watching it), she would text me the score every now and then - "83-85", "92-100", and finally, "Bye bye Raps"

Zuul · Post #15 » by **Zuul** » Thu May 7, 2009 7:16 pm

I hate What not to Wear and Project Runway.
My Girlfriend hates all sports on TV.
We both love the Simpsons and King of Queens.
We have two TV's in the house.
It seems to work out.

Loving the Jays start.

Zuul · Post #16 » by **Zuul** » Thu May 7, 2009 7:19 pm

tecumseh18 wrote:Epic post. I don't have it so tough. A decade before I met her, my wife was a big fan of the early 90s Jays. She now wears her numero ocho jersey to Raptor games, although after the Spurs game she became a big Roko fan and we agreed to get our two-year-old daughter and huge B-Ball fan a Ukic jersey (you can only fit so many letters on a small jersey, and who knows what the hell is going to happen with Bosh).

So taking the family to a few Jays games this summer won't be a problem.

But watching the Nuggets game to the fourth quarter, especially after what happened in Denver the previous season. Now THAT'S hardcore. When I'm pissed off with the game, I listen to the rest of it on radio. Smith and Jonesy are not really homers, so you hear some good stuff. Smith was saying in the fourth quarter, the Raps just have to go back to square one and do the opposite of whatever they'd been doing up to that point in the season.

Mustard_Tiger wrote:Don't speak too soon. It's baseball, it can takes things away from you more cruelly than you can possibly imagine.

I have two words for the real old-timers: Rick. Monday. I still sometimes cry myself to sleep over that.

1987 last series in Detroit - I can't let it go.

Raps in 4 · Post #17 » by **Raps in 4** » Thu May 7, 2009 9:20 pm

I'm with you. The Jays have truly brightened up my life. Sports mean so much too me, sometimes I think I have a problem.