ENJOY
by Myles Brown and Russ Bengtson
e-ty-mol-o-gy [et-uh-mol-uh-jee]
-noun, plural -gies
1. the derivation of a word.
2. an account of the history of a particular word or element of a word.
3. the study of historical linguistic change, esp. as manifested in individual words.
Hopefully the etymology of these words is apparent to everyone. They’re the articulation of NBA characters, components, emotions and events that have become synonymous with their subjects. We don’t remember how they started, but they’ve clearly been too fun to stop.
A
Ahmadical/Rashadical Question—n.: Questions that are not overtly asked, but implied by a change of inflection toward the end of the sentence.
Asphyxspreeation—n.: Loss of consciousness brought on by choking; largely specific to middle-aged, bearded white men who hold positions of authority over short-fused, corn-rowed 20-somethings.
Auerbotch—v.: To prematurely celebrate a victory.
B
Bizarrtest—adj.: Alternately enraging and endearing behavior.
Blogorithm—n.: A mathematical formula whereas an NBA player’s number of games played decrease in direct relation to his blog entries.
Bamboozer—transitive v.: To renege on an agreement and depart for greener pastures. See also: Brandswoggle.
Braxtesan—n.: Mistress/desired woman of two or more teammates.
Brownglorious—adj.: Egotistical preoccupation with ‘the right way.’
Bronipresent—adj.: Complete saturation of the market.
Brontourage—n.: 1115 Broadway, New York, NY. (We can’t post Jones’ address.)
Bronfiscate-v.: To seize evidence of an embarrassing act or event.
Brycophant—n.: Irrational supporter of Kobe Bryant.
C
Christration—n.: Emasculation of a player by his spouse.
D
Damotistical—adj.: A ridiculous overestimation of one’s abilities.
Derricochet-v.: The energy of a player’s game being directly disproportionate to the vibrancy of their personality.
Dolusional-n.: A general manager who stockpiles assets in vain.
Dirkilitate—transitive v.: To suffer a pair of crippling embarrassments, usually in the post season.
Dwebacle-n.: A prolonged display of shamefully inept playoff officiating.
E
Eddyfication—n.: A hefty long-term free agent contract that you regret before the ink even dries.
Emekanomics-n.: Trading a cap-crushing contract for one that’s even worse.
Entysonment—n.: A trade that’s proposed and completed but never consummated.
Evesceyrate - v: To pen a needlessly mean-spirited basketball column, in which every possible bridge is napalmed.
F
Fundomitable-adj.: Stoic and unyielding greatness. e.g. Duncan, Tim
G
Garnettensity—n.: State of mind in which competitiveness is superseded by blood lust.
Gentryfication—n.: An interim coach implementing the same system as the coach who was fired the previous season.
Gilibuster–v.: To explode in popularity only to succumb to plaguing injuries.
Goldsteintatious—adj.: A preponderance of animal prints. And confidence.
I
Inelliebriated—adj.: Drunk on power. And possibly Miller Lite.
Insashable—adj.: Can’t shoot enough contested 30 footers.
Inchuckprehensible—adj.: Unintelligible speech or logic.
J
Jordeity-n.: Revered as a divine figure in ‘the game of basketball’.
Jordamnation-n.: Being mentioned in Michael Jordan’s Hall of Fame speech.
K
Kahndescending-adj.: Patronizing defense of a questionable plan.
Kobomination—n.: Object of irrational hate or dislike.
Koblivious-adj.: Unaware of teammates.
Knigatory-adj.: Cap space reserved for a player who isn’t coming.
L
Leandrostenedione—n.: Quasi-illegal dietary supplement that makes you much, MUCH faster.
Lobodomy—n.: Procedure in which a player is rendered completely subservient.
M
Macathy—n.: Prideful defiance in face of repeated failure/tragedy
Manuverability—n.: Ability to spend more money on free agents due to talent found in the second round.
Melodrama-n.: Events that hinder a player’s path to stardom.
Memopause—n.: The permanent cessation of any but three point attempts before the end of a foreign centers career.
Mutumble-v.: To speak in a comically garbled or indistinct manner.
N
Nashful—adj.: When a player shows humility concerning an undeserved recognition.
Nellibation—n.: Postgame (possibly halftime) drink.
Nohomovert–n.: Unabashed homophobia. Common in homoerotic settings. e.g. NBA locker rooms.
O
Obamantra-n.: A revised image/outlook inspired by the President.
Olajuwhelm-v.: An underdog proving they shouldn’t have been.
P
Peja Vu-v.: Wishing your team’s highest paid player was anywhere close to as good as he was 5 years ago. (@ticktock6)
Phoending—v.: Wanting out of the perfect situation because it’s just not good enough.
Q
Quentessential-n.:A player included in at least three trades during one summer.
Qweet -v.: To put electronic entertainment before one’s team.
R
Radmanoglitch—n.: Temporary brain disorder that results in incredibly poor decision-making.
Rashalbatross-n.: An valuable-yet overpaid-player.
Reddickulous—adj.: An obviously flawed college player becoming a lottery pick due to skills that would never translate to the NBA
Reggicide—n.: An otherwise compelling game destroyed by inept announcing.
Rondawn—n.: The breakout of what would otherwise be an average player when surrounded by All Stars. See also: Bynumergence
Rubiobtainable-adj.: Available only to large market franchises.
S
Sagarish—adj.: Poor sartorial taste meant solely to court attention.
Samverson—n.: Mythical figure also known as Allen Ezail Iverson (1996-2009)
Szczervitude—n.: Playing for a team that only wants you for your contract.
Shaqlisted—adj.: To join the list of scorned ex teammates/coaches of Shaquille O’Neal.
Shaquacious—adj.:Characterized by excessive boasting.
Shaquiesce-v.: To reluctantly give up a leadership role to a more talented teammate. (TMoney)
Spiketator-n.: A fan who directly influences the action on the floor.
Sloadmonish—transitive v.: A scathing reprimand with the looming threat of violence.
Stephomenon—n.: Rare occurrence in which a player a player actually profits both financially and on the court from a series of selfish and contemptible acts.
Steph Infection-n.: Infection contracted by each and every team that gainfully employs Stephon Marbury. Symptoms include rashes, poor ball movement, lack of sleep, and frequent losses.
Sternilize—transitive v.: To eradicate any semblance of ‘hip hop’ or ‘urbanism’ for marketing purposes.
Stoudadmire–v.: To depreciate value on offense by baking cookies on defense.
U
Unabasheed—adj.: Shamelessly truthful. And quotable.
Unkemped—adj.: Unprotected sex, usually ending in pregnancy
W
Waltuitous-adj.: Exorbitant, yet amusing commentary.
Wonta–v: To make a decision that eschews team rules, and get injured in the process.
Y
Yellevision—n.: Broadcasting theory that louder is always better.
Z
Zachrifice-v.: A team using a third of their cap space for a baggage laden 20 & 10.
Zentimidation—n.: Blend of mysticism, sarcasm and scathing insults intended to motivate players.
