I think that we should take turns tearing this article apart.
The getaway suits were on, the bags were packed -- some Gucci, some whatever animal Randy Williams hunted himself and turned into a piece of luggage.
The column was inexplicably green-lit, the throwaway opening paragraph hacked together -- a hopefully unnecessary commentary on the tendency of baseball players to wear clothes (and even packing spare clothes...some expensive, some less so!), an entirely out-of-place reference to an obscure player's love of hunting.
Baseball is failing in Muddy York, as it was once called, and failing miserably.
A classic bit of hackery: cite some centuries-old nickname or factoid from when a city was a backwater to contest that it is today a backwater. When Toronto was nicknamed 'Muddy York', Chicago didn't exist. And your city's name is a bastardized version of a word meaning 'Smelly Onion', so go **** yourself.
It's true that, in (on?) the South Side, fans show up in droves, though spurred largely by the opportunity to assault aged men in front of a live television audience. Only they aren't exactly forced to bar the gates against the ravenous masses ...in the three games of the White Sox/Indians series following the season opener, they pulled in 20,000 a game. Against a division rival.
Forget the obvious in failing attendance and a shrinking Blue Jays payroll. You can flip on the hotel television and skim through the stations to get the pulse of what's going on. It's NHL, junior hockey, college hockey, high school hockey, Justin Bieber, Canadian Olympians, and more hockey.
Somewhere between celebrity Texas hold 'em tournaments and MuchMusic videos, you might, just might, get a Jays highlight.
Therein lies the problem: if you flip through the channels, more often than not you'll find things that are not-Jays...as much as I bitch and moan about it, it's somewhat understandable that the Discovery Channel doesn't show much Jays content.
Sox outfielder Alex Rios grew up with the Jays organization and spent six seasons playing in Toronto -- MLB's witness protection program.
Luckily, there were just enough fans that recognized him that he had the opportunity to tell them to **** off on occasion.
But is it really on the fans to have a sport forced on them that isn't their own? It would seem like it's up to Major League Baseball to move the product to a place that really wants it.
Baseball isn't being 'forced' on Torontonians any more than dollar shots are forced upon college students. The beauty of a sport played in a stadium is that residents of the city (and people with cars) can choose for themselves whether they wish to partake in the spectacle. No one is dragged out of their homes at 3am to Rogers Centre, kicking and screaming and still wearing their nightgown, shackled to a seat in the 500-level and forced to recite Manuel Lee's statistics under penalty of death. Might be something worth considering, though.
And while attendance does suck, the league records set in the early 90s would indicate that people do, in fact, like the sport, when the team actually has a hope of competing.
Baseball already has shown it won't play in Puerto Rico, but the Dominican Republic is an option. The best option? Caracas, Venezuela. Therein is the rub.
''Caracas would be a great spot, but our political situation is not the best one,'' Guillen said. ''They have the people and the facility, but I don't think it would be the best place to have a franchise there.''
Caracas: 2 million people. Toronto: 4.8 million people. GDP per capita in Venezuela: $13,100. GDP per capita in Canada: $38,400. Distance from Chicago to Toronto: 700 kms. Distance from Chicago to Caracas: 4000 kms.
This is why, as even the batsh*t insane manager of your team notes, Caracas is a terrible **** idea for a Major League city. Given this, why in the everloving **** was it worth five paragraphs in your godforsaken article? Yes, it likely took two minutes out of your day to ask this idiotic question to not one, but
two members of the White Sox franchise, but the best choice of action would have been to cut your losses there rather than putting it in print and further embarrassing yourself.
That means another team in the United States. Las Vegas won't happen. New Orleans? Maybe. A team back in Brooklyn or over in Jersey? Maybe.
MLB has stated that Las Vegas is kinda out, what with the rich history of betting scandals. New Orleans lacks a couple minor things...a stadium, public funds for a stadium, and a population with any desire whatsoever to watch baseball.
And did you just spend several hundred words **** on Toronto and then suggest
New Jersey? For serious?
In conclusion: go **** yourself.
