Welcome to the…First Round!?
No wonder he's mad...
**
Men, we are on the plain where our forefathers kinda sweat a little to ensure the legacy of our people. We have arrived at the doorstep of Kings. Battles have been won and lost, and after a strong show of resolve after the break of celestial performers, we faltered in our recent conflict.
Disgusting. Are we to let something like this discourage us? Surely our testicles (and Pau’s as well) exist in the land that Tupacrates built! As Laker Warriors, are we the ones to hand our third great victory championship to that wretched insect from the East? I for one will be damned! Revenge begins tonight, and we will NOT allow them to emerge victorious! Time and energy is on our side!
After making our way through the Regular Season, it appears that we have become rather lackluster at the end of battles. It has reached the point where our current enemies (the Hornets) have grown expectant of victory!
Do not let the splendid play of Chris Paul fool you men! We may be outnumbered, outhustled and outscored, but our fighting spirits are stronger! Only a champion forces a force greater then theirs to struggle to match our power! Continuing with the vein of underdog victories this year, they surprised us in our last battle, and yet we battled them to a standstill, before a critical series of errors gave them the victory.
Did Game 1 torture us? Absolutely, but are we to retreat into the obscurity of a shocked team? NO! We will fight hard in the days in between, and come back strong! Led by the excellence of Kobe Bryant, the resurgent Andrew Bynum and Lamar Odom, we will line up for what many thought will be our last stand, and WE WILL WIN!!!!
Men of Los Angeles....
WE MUST ATTACK XERXES WITH A HURRICANE OF SPARTAN WILL!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=TeNGVS2T_Rk
"Give them nothing, but take from them...EVERYTHING!!!"
http://youtube.com/watch?v=uHxIssSROjk
Do we allow foreigners to come into our land and desecrate what we hold dear to us? Some say that a comeback is madness. I say to he that utter this blasphemy......NEVER! THIS IS LOS ANGELES!!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=QkWS9PiXekE
Ariza: Choose your next words carefully, Kobe. They may be your last as MVP.
Kobe Bryant: [to himself: thinking] "Failure and loss"?
[Kobe unsheathes and points his sword at the Hornet’s throat]
Ariza: Madman! You're a madman!
Kobe Bryant: Failure and loss? You'll find plenty of both here.
Ariza: No man, Laker or Spur, no man threatens a Hornet!
Kobe Bryant: You bring the banners and rings of retired champions to my city steps. You emasculate my Power Forward. You threaten my people with shame and failure! Oh, I've chosen my words carefully, Hornet. Perhaps you should have done the same!
Ariza: This is blasphemy! This is madness!
Kobe Bryant: Madness...?
[shouting]
Kobe Bryant: This is LOS ANGELES!
[Kicks the messenger down the well]
THE LAND OF MAGIC AND KAREEM!! THE LAND OF WILT CHAMBERLAIN AND JERRY WEST!! THE LAND OF THE IMMORTAL GEORGE MIKAN THAT STARTED IT ALL!
DID THEY BACK DOWN!?!? NEVER!
Landry A thousand odds of Bourbon Street descend upon you. Our three pointers will blot out the sun!
Odom: Then we will dance in the post!
WE WILL NOT ALLOW THEM TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM US!! WE HAVE COME TOO FAR TO TURN BACK NOW!!!
Kobe, the entire Laker Nation cries out to you. It is upon your shoulders to guide us to the promised land. Listen to those calling out for the heads of you and your men. Our march cannot end empty-handed! You must wake up and flood the Staples Center with your greatness if we are to rise again among the Champions! Pau has his many excuses (a vagina), but you have none! The entire team is on your back! You are our champion Kobe! You must reawaken! Now is the time!!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=7uzY4SOJ3Qs
Kobe Bryant: Lakers! Prepare for glory!
Okafor: Glory? Have you gone mad? There is no glory to be had now! Only retreat, or surrender or death!
Kobe Bryant: Well, that's an easy choice for us, Hornet! We Lakers never retreat! We Lakers never surrender! Go spread the word. Let every Warrior assembled know the truth of this. Let each among them search his own soul. And while you're at it, search your own!
Even as we look deep into the eyes of defeat, we must hold our ground! We no longer have the protection of our homeland on our backs, for we are in enemy territory now! This is easily the most hostile territory for a Laker Warrior to be in, as the war between the feuding tribes has stretched back to the days of our forefathers. We cannot allow these brutes to taste victory from our hands! Don't give them any breathing room!
Do we really want to lose to this?!?!
MC Hornet? Really?
I'll be damned!
Jack: All that God-King [David Stern...apparently] requires is this: a simple offering of earth and water. A token of Los Angeles' submission to the will of Wayne.
Kobe Bryant: Submission? Well that's a bit of a problem. See, rumor has it the Blazers have already turned you down, and if those former contenders and, uh, floppers have found that kind of nerve, then...
Gasol: We must be diplomatic.
Kobe Bryant: [ignoring Gasol] ... and, of course, Lakers have their reputation to consider.
There is no peace unless victory is attained. We must fight to win this game, for the odds are truly against us from the outset.
Aaron Gray: Lakers, lay down your weapons!
[a spear flies out and impales him through the chest, and he falls out of the saddle, severely spraining his ankle]
Kobe Bryant: Bastard Insects! Come and get them!
KOBE!!! TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT WE WRENCH VICTORY FROM THE HANDS OF THE…I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO CALL THAT CRAP!!!!!! GET MAD!!!!
Bring it on New Orleans! Tonight, we dine...BENEATH SEA LEVEL!!!!
Let's go settle our business.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Z4Ewhqfeuo4
TONIGHT IS WHEN WE PROVE THE MORTALITY OF XERXES!!!! TONIGHT!!!!
MAN YOUR FORMATIONS!!!! TONIGHT IS WHEN WE FIGHT!!! LOS ANGELES IS WHERE WE FIGHT!!! THIS IS WHEN THEY DIE!!!! LET'S EARN THIS WIN!!!!!!!!!
