RealGM WizBoard Poetry, Lyrics, & similar Shenanigans Thread

[doclinkin]

Feel free to introduce yourself. In godsawful doggerel like me. Or drop a scrap of found poetry. Or pen a haiku. Or whatever format pleases you.

[Nivek]

Where's that zombie thread?

[doclinkin]

Where's that zombie thread?

As you command...

[montestewart]

Plagiarized Playoffs/Zombie Tie-In Poem

Hell is overflowing.
And Satan is sending
his dead to us.
Why? Because you
have sex out of wedlock. You
kill unborn children. You
have man-on-man
relations. Same-sex
marriage. How do you
think your
god will judge you?
Well, friends, now we
know. When there is no
more room in hell, the Heat
will walk the earth.

[Ed Wood]

Plagiarized Playoffs/Zombie Tie-In Poem

Hell is overflowing.
And Satan is sending
his dead to us.
Why? Because you
have sex out of wedlock. You
kill unborn children. You
have man-on-man
relations. Same-sex
marriage. How do you
think your
god will judge you?
Well, friends, now we
know. When there is no
more room in hell, the Heat
will walk the earth.

Twas brobbling toward the scorping line,
when frombly his elbow hit the Wade;
the referee monced the smif foul sign,
and frin shots again to him were gave.

beware the Jaberwalking by 'Bron!
the feet that slide, the steps that crab,
beware the smurmious foul and one,
and the calunus refremeeb.

[montestewart]

Jaberwalking 'Bron. Ha! That could catch on.

[montestewart]

Banjo Vs. Bongo

Hoopla has no clue what the difference is between shooting off a low dribble outside the knee and shooing off a high dribble in front of the body while moving forward. Until leonsis understand the difference, don't expect much improvement in terms of offensive efficiency. Maybe this new coach New Man understand how Royce White, a rookie powerforward, has better handles than John Wall a point guard.
Hoopla is not an expert at shooting off the dribble with a defender playing you tight. He is only good at shooting wide open jumpers so to me he isn't worth the money. If you can't run sprint and maintain a low dribble to the side of your body and outside of your knees while moving forward, you don't have enough hand coordination and arm strength in your off hand to ever fully utilize your athleticism and the ability to attack a defender's lead foot. Defender will always crowd your dominant hand and create hesitation because all players on the wizards lack elite off hand dribbling ability. Without the ability to go to your weak hand, you become extremely easy to guard and lack of confidence. This team lacks confidence because Leonsis doesn't understand how to make his player's elite dribblers with their "OFF HAND".
Leonsis is an owner who has yet to become an expert at what his team needs in it's daily training regime to become an elite club. He doesn't know the type of assistant coach he needs to get his team over the top and neither does grunfeld. They need a specialized coach that knows how to develop the off hand of all five starters to elite status so they become to difficult to guard offensively and are able to use their full athleticism. Elite off hand dribbling ability means a player can execute an exponentially greater number of offensive moves and greatly improves the teams offensive efficiency.
If Leonsis doesn't can't recognize a player with poor off hand dribbling ability and player who is elite dribbling with both hands, then he can't create a blue print for how to improve his team signifiicantly. A player usually can't dribble with their off hand because a player's offhand is very undeveloped in terms of stamina. Most palyers will experience huge fatigue if they dribble teh basketball with alot of force on each bounce for just one minute because their arm doesn't have enough stamina to continously absorb the force of teh ball and it returns from the floor with excessive force. eAch hard bounce requires the arm to absorb that same amount of force and once that player's arm becomes fatigued they usually lose control of the ball. It takes months just to build the stamina of your off arm to dribble continuously with a hard bounce for ten minutes straight. Secondly, it takes muscle memory to be able to dribble the ball outside of your knee instead of in front of you. If you see many of the players dribbling the ball in front of their body, Wall and Beal, you will see that they turn the ball over because they can't use their body to shield the ball from a defender. Players that can dribble the ball behind their knee can use their body to shield the ball. alot dribbling outside your behind your knee allows you to move side ways and force a defender to slide their feet sideways. Forcing a defender to slide their feet sideways makes it much easier to crash your defender into a seraphin pick. If you can't dribble the ball outside your knee and move sideways, its very difficult to set your defender up for a powerful pick because the defender doesn't need to shuffle his feet to guard you.
Finally, dribbling the ball high as opposed to low the ground while sprinting allows your to chance directions quickly and still maintain a tight handle. Wall and Beal dribble the ball high and in front their bodies which is why they are good straight line defenders but can't chance directions laterally moving full speed without fumbling the ball. Its very hard to move the ball to the otherside of your body if the ball spends most of its time in the air. A low powerful dribble keeps the ball in your hand longer and allows your to adjust the ball much more quickly based on a defender's foot position. Since the coaches at Washington don't stress this concept, none of the players are good at changing directions laterally while driving to the basket. Until these three principles are mastered by Leonsis, the bigman on top who has the power to force his players to become elite through his leadership, this team won't have the culture foundation to become elite in terms of skills.

It all comes down to how quickly Leonsis understand these concepts and the strategical advantage it will provide his company for decades to come if he ensures a strict daily training regimen.

ENJOY ONLY 2 COSMETICS, enough sleep 4 Dr. Bronner's 'Magic Soap' to clean body-mind-soul-spirit instantly uniting One! All-One! Absolute cleanliness is Godliness! For facial packs, scalp & soothing body rub, add dash on bath towel in sink of hot water. Wring out. Lay over face & scalp. Massage with fingertips. Repeat 3 or 4 times 'til arms, legs and all are rubbed, always towards the heart. Rinse towel in plain hot water and massage again. Breathe deeply! Health is Wealth. Within 9 min. you feel fresh, and clean, saving 90% of your hot water & soap, ready to help teach the whole Human race the Moral ABC of All-One-God-Faith! For we're All-One or none! ALL-ONE! ALL-ONE! ALL-ONE! TO SIMPLIFY & ENJOY LIFE MORE, DILUTE 1/2 OZ. OR 2 SQUIRTS OF THIS PURE CASTILE SOAP WITH 2 GALLONS OR SINKFUL HOT WATER, THEN TOWEL MASSAGE, A FACIAL PACK, THEN WRING TOWEL OUT & FINGERTIP MASSAGE YOUR HAIR & SCALP. ENJQY THE CREAMY EMOLLIENT LATHER ON BABY, BATH, BEACH, BODY, DENTURES, DEODORANT, SHAVING, AFTERSHAVE-SILK-WOOL-PETS-DIAPERS-CAR-HAND AND FOOT SOAP. Thank God we don't descend down from perfect Adam'& Eve to sinful sinner, Brother's Keeper, divided slave! United, hardworking-trained-brave, from dust we ascend up! Thank God for that! Our Brother's Teacher of the Moral ABC mason Hillel taught carpenter Jesus to unite all mankind free! If you can keep your head when all around you are losing theirs and blaming it on you! If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, and yet make allowance for their doubting too! If you can wait and not be tired by waiting or being lied about, don't deal in lies! 0r being hated, don't give way to hating, and yet don't look too good nor talk too wise! if you can dream and not make dreams your master! If you can think and not make thoughts your aim! If you can meet with triumph or disaster and treat those two imposters just the same! If you can bear to hear the full-truth you have spoken twisted by crooks to make a trap for fools! Or watch the things that you have given your life to broken, and stoop to build them up again with worn out tools! If you can make one heap of all your winnings and risk it at one turn of pitch or toss! And lose and start again at your beginnings and never breathe a word about your loss! If you can force your heart, your nerve, your sinew, to serve you long after they are gone! And so hold on although there is nothing left within you except that voice that says to them "Hold on! Hold on!" If you can talk to crowds and keep your virtue, or walk with kings and not lose that common touch! If neither loving friend nor enemy can hurl you; it all men count with you, but none too much! If you can work hard to teach each unforgiving minute the Moral ABC, mason Hillel taught carpenter Jesus to unite all mankind free, come hell, hate, ban, you'll enjoy God's spaceship Earth & do great work within it, L which is more my son, you'll be man! A man! Sure, East is East and West is West and never the twain shall meet! But there is neither East nor West, nor border, breed nor birth, once the Moral ABC unites all mankind free on God's spaceship Earth! Then & only then, no matter how rough the trip, how charged the scroll, you are the captain of thy ship, the master of thy soul! These are the days my friend, we know they'll never end! We'll work, sing, dance, love, marching on! Marching on! We live God s law today! We win Free speech OK! With full-truth, our only God, we rally, raise, unite the whole human race, lightning-like, in our Eternal Father's great All-One4od-Faith! As teaches the African astronomer Israel since the year One: "Listen Children Eternal Father Eternal One!' "Exceptions eternally? Absolute none!"

Well said, WizNasty, well said.

[doclinkin]

Hah!

[montestewart]

Life takes funny little twists.
If thing happened just a little
differently then they did, I would be
farming 600 archers in Florida.

hands146 classic remix
viewtopic.php?f=35&t=1152529&start=1230

[barelyawake]

No sleep so much, this ish weird.
I ain't even supposa be here.
So brain dead,
I'm liable to go Alfred.
Take your pick:
Hitchcock, Tennyson, Kinsey,
Pacino as Wortzik.

[doclinkin]

title this one
'piffle and pop' (regarding a dustup between two posters in the politix thread)
..................
Mostly faceless waste of space,
brain and face dates to a bygone race
atavistic imp, post chimp but just barely
fake digital shivs demand a man be more wary
the vocab and babble measures bigger more thicker
untuck it to measure who carries the longer pig sticker
or evidence of density too thick to dodge violence
a cicatrice history writ in eloquent silence
best to keep your yap clapped and allow for some doubt
--that you'se an idjit who counts digits-- than let ignorance shout
same as protosapien guttural grunting
'my cerebrum's more wrinkly': all bluster and fronting
when irony suggests all's but shrapnel of chatter
hell nothing you say's of import or matter
else it wouldn't be sprayed & displayed: innards and gizzards
dude there's no evident intelligence: we root for the _Wizards_
so ain't none of us smarter than any' the others
or in parlance you can parse motherf***ahs: yo motha...

[doclinkin]

Still waiting on a published poet to sprinkle a few sparkling dewdrops of scintillant brilliance in this thread. Or even some droppings of doggerel like the rest of us.

[montestewart]

AFM probably the all time great here on wizards board for humor and wit. Don't worry about anyone attacking me lol. My comments are always designed push posters here out of group think and tap into their true potential. everyone here wants the wizards to get deep into the playoffs which is why any perceived attack on me is usually pretty weak.
I don't think anyone here except for few have put as much mental time breaking the "code" of the wizards failures. Cracking the code is what makes it fun. My motto is, if you attack my stance, you better have a well thought out counter, because in the end, you will probably end up wrong. We are nothing but pretend gm's speculating on a billion dollar business. At the end of the day, all the nba players are pulling in millions, regardless if they make it deep into the nba playoffs or not.
If you have well thought out plan on how to wizards will become a top 4 team in the eastern conference, please provide the details. It all starts with above average rebounding bigman who can also drop 20 a game consistently. Wizards don't have that and no on on this board has a plan of us getting that player. Which means failure as a pretend GM for the washington wizards. we already know Grunfeld can't do it, but can you do it in your free time as a hobby? Time will tell if you can for the new posters. The results of nba players speak for themselves. I just want to here the vision of how what the wizards need to compete and make it as a top four team. What are they missing and how will they get there in a year? Is your plan based on beal and wall being number one and number two options respectively? What are the details. That's what goes on in a actual REal GM's mind? Let's here.

WizD, this is some serious poetry slam material. I'm not even going to presume any line breaking, it has its own internal rhythm. You should just go up and jam freestyle in a Wizards groove.

[doclinkin]

From a thread entitled 'Realistic Expectations'

Realistic expectations? .500 brings frustration
equals every get up with a let down
what we want is jubilation, send them off into vacation
boogie in the streets: you betta get down

I suspect we'll make the trials, if health is no denial
the Easts too weak to pose much opposition
no surprise to win a series, and I suppose I guess the theory''s
that by experience we improve our teams position

BUt then we've got expirings, hirings or firings
--do we keep a losing GM like this Grunfeld?
Ted suggests he'd be kept, 'make the playoffs', (then get swept?)
and forever stay in place like Abe to Unseld.

Cap space we have a waiting, but what we're finding frusterating
is we'd spend it all to keep Gortat/Ariza
Is that enough to earn a chip? or is that a sinking ship?
baling buckets so hard you catch a seizure.

The object, keep in mind, is not to fall behind
but something sounds so simple that it's lame--
sounds so easy to achieve, all you need is, best believe:
"make the playoffs, then win your final game"

Realistic expectations? Like I said: frustration
we're not stacked enough to suffer any setbacks
Make the playoffs that's no given, but while those hopes are yet a-livin'
the question's 'sure we make it: can we _get_ back?'

While Johnny's bright and deft and agile, Nene's one who's proven fragile
but seemingly cannot be replaced
sure depth and talent, skill-- we need them all, else we'll be killed
and this year's playoffs are all we'll ever taste.

I spose I guess you'd call it greedy, I worry less bout playoff seeding
but is this all we're gonna get now, ever ever?
and what's it cost us to achieve it? does it vanish, can we believe it?
I want a squad that wins the final game _forever_.

--

oh welcome to the boards.

[doclinkin]

Oh, Ernie Grunfeld, I hate your work so
You’ve made us just good enough not to blow.
You present yourself as incapable and lowly,
but you are Keyser Soze killing us all slowly.

[montestewart]

The Wizards owner pretended
Trading for Miller amended
All mistakes of the past
And then acting too fast
He had EG's contract extended

[doclinkin]

Bump as a placeholder. It's fully summer now, little to comment on, so burn off creative exhaust here.

PLUS! Possible announcement from a Wizboard icon who has a new book of poems that he might be too shy to promote, but y'all will want to send him your eight bucks anyway....

[doclinkin]

Oh and in searching for this thread I found a poem by Ji.

Classic Ji, I forgot he jinxed us in the 2009 lotto, so probably bad mojo to bump it, but shoot, too funny not to give a read:

link.

[doclinkin]

Available on Amazon. Link.


Who's the poet you say? Not me, no, someone a little wee bit more Lyrical than I. A little more suave. A little more Erniegrunfeldfanboy. Yes the Wizboard's very own Rico has put together a nifty lil chapbook. Support him, team! Buy a book!

Maybe if we bombard him with requests he'll drop an excerpt or two in the Poetry thread.

Seriously though congrats on your first published work Rico! Kick ass.

Who's next?

[Nivek]

Congratulations, Rico!

doc: I MIGHT be next. Unless you beat me to it with a zombie book or something.