musiqsoulchild wrote:johnnyvann840 wrote:musiqsoulchild wrote:
I am fairly certain the law views that as rape.
No. I'm talking about being drunk enough to black out but not even appear THAT drunk to others.
OK, I'll tell you a story. About 13 years ago, I was dating a college girl. She liked to drink but I wouldn't call her an alcoholic. Anyway, we went to D.C. for this conference for her. She went and asked me to come and I did. We were having a great time but I got really sick. Fever, headache, body aches, hot cold.... just sick. Anyway I stayed in our Georgetown hotel and she went out with a bunch of people. Came back late, was pretty hammered.. got in bed with me and wanted to mess around. I said no several times, tried to stop her because I really felt like I was going to puke.. She was persistent, I gave in and let her just do it. Next morning, she remembers none of it but apologizes over and over to me.. Did she rape me? Technically, yes.. but not really. I didn't care that much.
My point is that she took a cab back to the hotel she found our room... she was coherent enough that a lot of men, if they didn't know her, would have easily had sex with her that night and not thought they were taking advantage of anybody... and she would not have remembered it.
Thanks for sharing Johhnyvan.
13 years ago - I really dont know much about where American law /precedent/previous rulings etc were.
But in todays USA, if that happened to you and you went to the cops - she would be charged with rape.
This is all pretty complex - as is rape - because essentially someone else has used your body against your wishes. Its the same basic definition as slavery, trafficking, abuse, kidnapping - your body is yours only. Unless you have given FULLY informed consent.
Such a complicated issue... One of the problems with todays notion of rape is that there is hardly any nuance in the judicial system in our western countries : If a the end of the judicial process one is sentenced, his or her life is pretty much ruined, they end up on sex offenders lists, spend a lengthy amount of time in prison, etc...
Your example here is very interesting in that regard : I mean she was drunk and kept insisting/fondling/pushing until you just relented. This might be considered rape, but is it as "rapey" for lack of a better word as being roofied in a club ? as being attacked by a drunken guy in a park pulling you into the bushes and just tearing the skirt away ?
I find this lack of nuance - which I can understand, because the fear is that if we start qualifying rape than it will weaken the whole fight against it - quite terrifying. HAd you pressed charges, would this girl have deserved time ? the public demolition ? Worse still, had it been the other way around with a drunk boyfriend coming back from a party pretty blind drunk and just mounting his girlfriend after having pestered her through the "not tonight I am not feeling great" lines and doing his thing, without violence, rather oblivious drunken focus on sex, would he be deserving of a lengthy prison sentence ? of a ruined life ?
I mean it just scares you **** to think of the consequences.
PS : I hope what I say here isn't misconstrued as some form excuse for sexual abuse.














