Post#209 » by FFBlitzace » Fri Oct 26, 2018 12:20 am
I'm going to channel my inner DownToBuck with this one.
The statistician walks out to his car after the game, content with another job well done. He places his paperwork on the hood of the car, ready to be submitted to the league office after one final review. As he fumbles with his keys, he takes note of a sour smell on the wind, like sweat and cheap champagne.
"Bonjour."
Startled, the statistician wheels around, brandishing his car key as a weapon. "Who's there?!"
A tall, effeminate-looking man steps into his view, lowering his hood. "Mr. Fournier?"
"I need you to do something for me, S'il vous plaît."
The sudden appearance by a pseudo celebrity, combined with the cold determination in his voice, was rather unsettling. "Uhh, sure, want to grab coffee and talk about it?"
"That won't be necessary. I believe you have what I need right there." Fournier said, pointing to the paperwork on top of the car.
"The stats? Mr. Fournier, I'd love to help, but you know I can't add any-"
"Not add," Fournier cut him off. "Subtract."
Bewildered, the statistician was frozen for a moment. "Subtract?"
"My assist to Jonathan Isaac in the 2nd quarter. You will erase it for me."
Fournier's presumptuous tone struck a nerve, momentarily steeling the statistician's resolve. "Now look here sir, these stats are sacrosanct. I'm offended you would ask me to defile the game in such a manner."
"You will erase that assist." Fournier repeated, opening his coat to reveal what looked like a gun.
"Is that...a Nerf gun?" The statistician asked, flabbergasted.
"Look, just erase the assist, or change the field goal to Vucevic, I don't care. I'll pay you 50 grand."
I'm cutting it short because the 2nd half has started.
11/18/2017 - I have officially disowned Nikola Vucevic and branded him a loser.
- Skal Labissiere was my guy in 2016 pre-trade. Whoops, but I still believe.
- Malik Monk was my guy in 2017. Whoops(?)
- Mo Bamba was my guy in 2018. TBD.