MrHoneycutt wrote:humanrefutation wrote:MrHoneycutt wrote:I've been working my way to make this post for a little bit. For those of you who have been through it, what helped you cope when one of your parents passed away? Sadly one of mine died very suddenly recently, and it has been awful to put it mildly. I certainly never knew how much there was to do from a practical standpoint, and was fortunate to come home for weeks in order to help out and take the reigns on all the planning/finaggling/etc. that needed to be done, both for the services and the endless paperwork for life insurance/social security/consoldiating or canceling accounts, etc.
Now I am back on the west coast, but it has been a real bear not worrying about my remaining parent. They are very strong and tenacious, but it's been such a shock to the system for all of us. Definitely struggling with heavy senses of guilt for not living where my parents do, despite all the calls and skypes and texts (particularly during Bucks games). How have others handled all of the heaviness that comes with these types of things?
I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope all of their loving memories can help sustain you as you navigate through your grief. I think the advice that people have given about talking to someone about your grief and loss is excellent - I can't echo it enough.
Do you think it's possible to broach the subject of asking your remaining parent to move closer to you? I don't know if they have a busy career that keeps them occupied and makes it hard for them to leave, and if they have a nice social circle, they might not want to. And that makes sense. But I do think it is a bit easier when your remaining parent is someone who you can visit whenever you want or whenever they need without booking plane tickets and taking off from work. And if they say no, then they've made their choice and you can respect it and accept it.
Man, that would be the dream. She's retired now, and I have gently broached the subject a bit thus far. One of my siblings still lives in Milwaukee and my mom grew up there, most of all I think it would just be tremendously difficult for her to comport to such a radically-different environment after all these years in town (no matter how sick of the cold we can all get). I actually have a sort of wild job possibility in quite an unbelievable climate coming up, and my unfettered dream is to have her come with me for the winter months and return to the cream city when it's tolerable, e.g. April-September.
That would be wonderful, but of course, she is her own person and she can decide what she wants for herself. I know it's hard for anyone to tear up their lives and relocate to a new place without all of the familiar faces and things, especially for the older folks more settled into their ways. It took my dad so long to convince his father to move here after my grandmother passed away, but my grandfather knew what he knew and liked where he was. By the time he was ready to move, he passed away in his sleep literally 36 hours before his flight here. It was crushing, but at least he lived the life he wanted to have. Isn't that all we can ask for?
All you can do is make the suggestion and respect her wishes about it. To be honest, though, I think that if she spends one winter in a warm climate elsewhere, her antipathy about leaving Milwaukee will fade quite quickly. Perhaps all you need to do is fly her to your neck of the woods for a few weeks and see how she feels when she gets back to sub-freezing temps. Make it a little test run. I'm guessing she'll change her mind.
