My son: advice please

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Nbabrothers
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My son: advice please 

Post#1 » by Nbabrothers » Wed Feb 12, 2020 4:12 pm

Hi Realgm, I have a topic regarding basketball but it is for advice that I am seeking. My son who is 15 years old is an elite point guard who plays for his freshman high school team. He’s played for the third ranked national team of the 11U NYC Gauchos, 12U and was the starting point guard for the 13U Gauchos. He was also the starting point guard for the NJ ShoreShots 14U team.
For some weird reason, the coach has him coming off the bench as either the 6th or 7th man. His confidence has been shattered by this coach because if he makes one mistake he gets benched. He is better than three of the starters and that’s not just because I’m his father but because he truly is better.
My wife and son both don’t want me talking to the coach regarding how he is not developing my son to be successful and he’s so nervous of screwing up on the court. He’s never come off the bench before. I know this is probably not the place to be asking for help but I have run out of resources. Please advise and I thank you all in advance and apologize if I’m not supposed to post anything like this.
We were counting on him getting a scholarship from a D1 or D2 school but the chances of him getting noticed as a bench player makes it highly unlikely. He’s an elite defender, can shoot the three, likes contact in the paint and can drive and make the basket with defense on him and is an exceptional point guard and finds the right players to pass the back to in their favorite spots on the court.
Again I thank you for any advice you can share.
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Re: My son: advice please 

Post#2 » by Cavsfansince84 » Mon Feb 24, 2020 12:49 am

My advice is to let your own decide how to proceed and if he is really good enough to play in college he can always walk on and prove it that way which could lead to a scholarship if he doesn't get the offer you were expecting he might.
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Re: My son: advice please 

Post#3 » by Nbabrothers » Mon Feb 24, 2020 3:52 pm

Cavsfansince84 wrote:My advice is to let your own decide how to proceed and if he is really good enough to play in college he can always walk on and prove it that way which could lead to a scholarship if he doesn't get the offer you were expecting he might.

We are hoping for D1 but will be happy with D2. Thanks for responding
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Re: My son: advice please 

Post#4 » by Jaqua92 » Fri Feb 28, 2020 4:16 am

Honestly, if this is hurting your son's confidence, you should focus on his mentality. He is 15, his personality is still developing. It may be helpful to suggest some sports counseling by a licensed professional to provide him the support needed to maintain his confidence. Your son is at an age where his experiences can shape his adult personality. Given the seemingly important role basketball has in his life, this is obviously a big blow to his confidence. You don't want his self worth to come from something external. Regardless of how unfair it is, it is not a healthy way for the "self" to develop.

You know your son best, and I'm sure his talents and the situation will allow the basketball situation to resolve itself, but I would kindly believe that some counseling while he adjusts to this would be helpful. Self awareness is underrated. I hope this situation can resolve and he can get the playing team your family feels he deserves, but I just think with how important this probably is for him and your family, a good counselor could provide your son the right support to assist him with not getting knocked off his feet in the meantime.

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Re: My son: advice please 

Post#5 » by mattg » Sun Mar 1, 2020 5:15 pm

Also, we don’t have enough information here to truly give great advice. You listed all the supposed strong points of your son’s game, but literally no potential weaknesses. I can promise you that if he is 15 years old and is playing for the freshman team he has some major areas he needs to improve upon. If he was truly as elite of a defender, good shooter who can finish, while running a team smoothly as you’re saying he would be on JV or varsity. You need to be honest in your evaluation of him as a player to figure out why he isnt playing more and what he can do to change that. He’s only a freshman, there is time. How are his practice habits, does he work hard or is he clowning around? Is he a good genuinely supportive teammate/have good body language or is he constantly mopey because he doesn’t start and other kids are playing ahead of him? Has he talked to his coach about his role on the team and what the expectations are? Aside from AAU, what is his offseason training regimen?
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Re: My son: advice please 

Post#6 » by Pacers_Freak » Tue Mar 10, 2020 3:51 pm

Nbabrothers wrote:Hi Realgm, I have a topic regarding basketball but it is for advice that I am seeking. My son who is 15 years old is an elite point guard who plays for his freshman high school team. He’s played for the third ranked national team of the 11U NYC Gauchos, 12U and was the starting point guard for the 13U Gauchos. He was also the starting point guard for the NJ ShoreShots 14U team.
For some weird reason, the coach has him coming off the bench as either the 6th or 7th man. His confidence has been shattered by this coach because if he makes one mistake he gets benched. He is better than three of the starters and that’s not just because I’m his father but because he truly is better.
My wife and son both don’t want me talking to the coach regarding how he is not developing my son to be successful and he’s so nervous of screwing up on the court. He’s never come off the bench before. I know this is probably not the place to be asking for help but I have run out of resources. Please advise and I thank you all in advance and apologize if I’m not supposed to post anything like this.
We were counting on him getting a scholarship from a D1 or D2 school but the chances of him getting noticed as a bench player makes it highly unlikely. He’s an elite defender, can shoot the three, likes contact in the paint and can drive and make the basket with defense on him and is an exceptional point guard and finds the right players to pass the back to in their favorite spots on the court.
Again I thank you for any advice you can share.


Your son is 15. Let him continue to improve his game. Scholarships should not be a concern of you or his at this point. He's 15. You talking about scholarships this early puts pressure on him. I know that is not your intention. He's 15. Let him relax and play ball. Everything else will take care of itself.
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Re: My son: advice please 

Post#7 » by And1+2 » Wed Mar 11, 2020 9:31 pm

Maybe approach the coach in a positive way with your son. What can he do to get more playing time? What do you feel he needs to do to improve?

It could be anything. Maybe the coach is one of those old school guys with an archiac coaching style, and he believes that being hard on him will force him to be better. Works for some guys, but backfires most of the time for the reasons you've stated above. Just kills confidence...

Either way, hear him out. Don't go into it looking for confrontation. Just be positive and take what you can from it. Maybe try to figure out a plan that would get him more playing time. Extra practice? Nail down some things he needs to work on and set some goals or improvement strategy. Those are great life strategies outside the court as well.

Go home, compose your thoughts, and figure out what you need to do next. If you're not satisfied, maybe switching schools is the best thing you can do. That's a decision you'll have to make with your Son and family.

Good luck!
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Re: My son: advice please 

Post#8 » by Nbabrothers » Wed Apr 8, 2020 4:23 pm

mattg wrote:Also, we don’t have enough information here to truly give great advice. You listed all the supposed strong points of your son’s game, but literally no potential weaknesses. I can promise you that if he is 15 years old and is playing for the freshman team he has some major areas he needs to improve upon. If he was truly as elite of a defender, good shooter who can finish, while running a team smoothly as you’re saying he would be on JV or varsity. You need to be honest in your evaluation of him as a player to figure out why he isnt playing more and what he can do to change that. He’s only a freshman, there is time. How are his practice habits, does he work hard or is he clowning around? Is he a good genuinely supportive teammate/have good body language or is he constantly mopey because he doesn’t start and other kids are playing ahead of him? Has he talked to his coach about his role on the team and what the expectations are? Aside from AAU, what is his offseason training regimen?

Before the first game of the season he was told he would also be playing for jv but he injured his right knee minuscus and was out for a month. I did leave that out unintentionally. Regarding weaknesses I would consider his confidence dealing with this situation he never experienced as a weakness. He made the Bronx Gauchos high school team which has boosted his confidence back. He also made the nj ShoreShots team as a starter for both teams. He is 5’7” tall but can grab the rim so he also has hops for his height.
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Re: My son: advice please 

Post#9 » by mattg » Wed Apr 8, 2020 10:49 pm

Nbabrothers wrote:Before the first game of the season he was told he would also be playing for jv but he injured his right knee minuscus and was out for a month. I did leave that out unintentionally. Regarding weaknesses I would consider his confidence dealing with this situation he never experienced as a weakness. He made the Bronx Gauchos high school team which has boosted his confidence back. He also made the nj ShoreShots team as a starter for both teams. He is 5’7” tall but can grab the rim so he also has hops for his height.

Alright so there’s a lot to address here. First off, it makes sense that he wouldn’t start if he had a knee injury at the very beginning of the season and was out for a month. Other kids built chemistry, the team found a rotation, etc. no coach is going to disregard that unless the injured player is so much better than his teammates, which just isn’t the case here. Especially when you’re talking about making a big jump from middle school play to high school. Let the kid ease back from injury and develop chemistry with his teammates. I do think you and maybe him are far too fixated on the idea of being a starter based on how you talk about it and continually stress being a starter on an aau team. It’s an arbitrary designation. Thousands of kids are varsity starters and straight up aren’t any good. Starting is meaningless in the grand scheme of things. Focus on doing things on the court that help the team. Also, If you’re trying to get noticed it’s far better to just be on a super talented aau squad as a role player playing the best competition you can than it is to be a starter on some less talented team playing lesser comp.

Further, throw out everything that happened in middle school, it’s literally meaningless. I’ve coached kids in middle school who straight up owned opponents head to head who went on to be high level D-1 recruits...by the time jr/sr came those kids I coached were varsity benchwarmers. Middle school is generally dominated by early physical developers and just isn’t indicative of much going forward.

Now in terms of weaknesses, this is where I’m going to be a bit harsh, you’re just not being honest with yourself or about your son. If you truly think confidence is all he needs to work on, you’re out of touch. Playing D-1 basketball is very high level, and the pure skill level needed to get there is immense, especially for a kid who is not possessing overwhelming size or athletic ability. For example, the youth program I coached at is the same one that tyler Herro (currently on the Miami Heat) came up through. After his sophomore year of high school if you asked me his weaknesses I would have told you that he struggles to bring the ball up against heavy pressure and smaller defenders who can move their feet, that his defensive intensity sucked and he got caught ball watching routinely, that he had poor shot selection, that he was physically skinny and weak at 6’4 165, that he didn’t move off the ball enough offensively, etc. And I would have said this after a season in which he led his team to state, averaged 25ppg, was an all state selection, etc. even as a kid who was achieving at a ridiculously high level already I’m saying there were major weaknesses. So if all you can think of as a weakness is confidence from not being a starter, you’re being delusional. Until you can be honest about what he needs to actually improve upon, he wont get better significantly.

Also, aside from AAU what is he doing for training? 99% of kids that are serious about wanting to play in college are working their asses off. And many of them will only play D-3 level despite being really good HS players. I’m talking an hour+ of shooting every day, usually working an hour+ daily with professional basketball skills trainers (or doing their drills if they can’t be at the training facility) doing advanced offensive move drills, advanced ball handling, etc, hitting the weight room for an hour. And that’s in addition to team practice during the season plus many guys are shooting and lifting before school as well. The top guys are doing that in season and then all offseason those sessions last longer and many will get that 3rd workout session at night too.

The amount of work that needs to be put in is staggering and is not for everyone. And it only becomes more work when you’re smaller and not as physically gifted as you have to compensate. Most players love the idea of being a high level baller, but the reality of the workload sets in and they find out they don’t love the game like that.

I don’t mean to be a dick or anything, but just want you to have the perspective here. Number one thing I would do is get your kid working with a skills development trainer as often as possible. That’s where the best players are going to be and the best environment for getting better.
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Re: My son: advice please 

Post#10 » by Rastas » Thu Apr 16, 2020 11:05 am

My advice would be to encourage your boy to get in the best possible physical condition he can attain , plenty of extra training above what is normally expected - the fitter/stronger/more skillful he becomes the more confident he will be and the more he should gravitate attention not only from his coach but basically anyone who knows him.
So extra sessions on skills.
A professional athletes weight training programme.
Elite fitness training programme.
Also guide him onto a healthy diet - it will help with all the extra sessions.
Motivate him to make it impossible for this coach to ignore him.
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Re: My son: advice please 

Post#11 » by Nbabrothers » Thu Apr 16, 2020 2:55 pm

Rastas wrote:My advice would be to encourage your boy to get in the best possible physical condition he can attain , plenty of extra training above what is normally expected - the fitter/stronger/more skillful he becomes the more confident he will be and the more he should gravitate attention not only from his coach but basically anyone who knows him.
So extra sessions on skills.
A professional athletes weight training programme.
Elite fitness training programme.
Also guide him onto a healthy diet - it will help with all the extra sessions.
Motivate him to make it impossible for this coach to ignore him.


Great advice brother! I’ve been doing just that. He works out every single day including 30 burpees with a 20 lb. chest vest and two 10 lb leg weights (3 sets). Jump squats and ankle raises as well with the weights. He has a personal trainer that trains NBA players that he goes to three times a week.
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Re: My son: advice please 

Post#12 » by Rastas » Fri Apr 17, 2020 12:10 am

Nbabrothers wrote:
Rastas wrote:My advice would be to encourage your boy to get in the best possible physical condition he can attain , plenty of extra training above what is normally expected - the fitter/stronger/more skillful he becomes the more confident he will be and the more he should gravitate attention not only from his coach but basically anyone who knows him.
So extra sessions on skills.
A professional athletes weight training programme.
Elite fitness training programme.
Also guide him onto a healthy diet - it will help with all the extra sessions.
Motivate him to make it impossible for this coach to ignore him.


Great advice brother! I’ve been doing just that. He works out every single day including 30 burpees with a 20 lb. chest vest and two 10 lb leg weights (3 sets). Jump squats and ankle raises as well with the weights. He has a personal trainer that trains NBA players that he goes to three times a week.[/quote

Great to hear .
Help develop him that Kobe like dedication to training and watch him shine.
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Re: My son: advice please 

Post#13 » by Joao Saraiva » Mon May 25, 2020 10:33 pm

And1+2 wrote:Maybe approach the coach in a positive way with your son. What can he do to get more playing time? What do you feel he needs to do to improve?

It could be anything. Maybe the coach is one of those old school guys with an archiac coaching style, and he believes that being hard on him will force him to be better. Works for some guys, but backfires most of the time for the reasons you've stated above. Just kills confidence...

Either way, hear him out. Don't go into it looking for confrontation. Just be positive and take what you can from it. Maybe try to figure out a plan that would get him more playing time. Extra practice? Nail down some things he needs to work on and set some goals or improvement strategy. Those are great life strategies outside the court as well.

Go home, compose your thoughts, and figure out what you need to do next. If you're not satisfied, maybe switching schools is the best thing you can do. That's a decision you'll have to make with your Son and family.

Good luck!


I like this idea.

Also guys have a ton to improve at 15. Might give a clue on what he needs to do to jump to the next level.
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Re: My son: advice please 

Post#14 » by Nbabrothers » Mon May 25, 2020 11:51 pm

He’s grabbing rim now at 5’7” and I expect he will be dunking by next year. That’s what he tells me.

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