robillionaire wrote:SelbyCobra wrote:Guano wrote:
i was raised the same way and the work culture here is definitely one of romancing the grind. I fell into that sht hard -tbh was easier than being a present dad(i'm doing great look at the stuff i provide). then i started looking at my wifes family pictures - she looked like a single mom. I saw that my older coworkers were retiring divorced, no hobbies, no friends outside of work and miserable. One thing i've learned as I've got older is i'm not "built different". i can learn from others mistakes. I scaled back how much I work and it's done wonders for my life - family, friends and interest have all gotten better. was an adjustment on balancing a budget. but it's wild how much my quality of life improved even as my net income went down. it's a difficult balance and i'm aware that I'm privilege af - especially now with the cost of living.
what really was a hard transition for me was placing more value on my time than money. giving up an OT day for a hike or a day at the beach with the kids and doing the math in my head. like this beach day is costing this amount of money(damn). what helped was realizing i'll never get 8.1.2024 back. so free time is more valuable than the money my work offers.
I dislike how much pressure is on men to provide/succeed and our worth is tied into work. when personally I've found more value in my relationships and interest. to those who do find purpose and fulfillment and passion in their work - congrats/must be nice. for me it's a means to an end.
as for sick days - i can justify needing to take a mental day to reset. and i use every single one of em, because that is a benefit i've earned.
You guys are doing the right stuff. About a decade ago the door to becoming a stay at home parent was open just a crack, and, experiencing all the same things you guys are describing, I nervously kicked that b*tch open and haven't looked back since.
I definitely still get the moments where I panic that my career is drifting further and further away, or that I'm somehow less-than because I'm not earning a salary like "I should be as a husband and father", but I truly have no regrets - literally ZERO.
This is also why I get so mad at myself for caring so much about the Knicks. Like, I've figured that whole aspect of my existence out, but still get emotionally manipulated by inconsequential sporting events.

My son was born in Nov 2019 a little before covid hit and I did the same thing for about 3 years. But honestly I was somewhat unfulfilled and wanted to go back to work. So a year ago I took a PRN job and I work like once a week. So I still keep my experience recent and my credentials up to date and everything but also still doing load management

Yeah man, it's really hard to ever fully disconnect from the machine - keeping a foothold for credentials, etc like you are is a wise move.
For me, I never really loved my industry, so I decided to intentionally let licenses and connections lapse specifically to make sure I didn't get pulled back into a relationship that brought me no joy. When I got that unfulfilled feeling a few years in, I started working at their school part time as a lunch proctor. Now I not only get to see them during the day and receive a small paycheck, but I'm a legend (their words, not mine) amongst all their friends because I'm the "cool dad" that everyone knows.

One day it may no longer be financially feasible and I'll be forced back into an office, but until that day comes I'm going to take advantage of, and genuinely cherish, every day I'm allowed to have a backstage pass to my kids growing up.
This isht will be over and done, shifted and changed, or whatever else in the blink of an eye, man.