lobosloboslobos wrote:OGLife wrote:lobosloboslobos wrote:
the problem is that - unless you know a lot more about the facts of this situation than the rest of us - you are making an assumption that she is 'out to destroy him'.
The reason this relates to BLM is that one of the main goals of the BLM movement is to make white folks understand that systemic racism is a condition of daily life for black folks and that it manifests in many different ways, including all kinds of unfounded and unfair immediate assumptions about who is at fault when there are altercations between white folks and black folks.
There has been another big movement in the past couple years that has also been about protesting systemic discrimination and violence and raising awareness about a group of people in our society who have experienced assaults by those with more political, social and economic power for generations. and just as racist white cops and others have gotten away with their discriminatory assaults against black men for years, so have the people doing the assaulting in this other movement done so with impunity for years. except that now that is starting to change as members of this victimized group are at last feeling empowered to speak out, even though doing so is risky for them because there is often a wicked backlash. and yet they are doing it.
this other movement is the #metoo movement and just as BLM demands that white folks check their privilege and understand the depth and scale of systemic racism that black folks face, #metoo demands that women be believed when they speak out about sexual violence and domestic abuse, that their words be supported and their claims assumed to be true. even though in some small minority of cases they are not. but the women who are physically abused by men vastly outnumber the women who are not abused but pretend to be, so the #metoo movement insists that we start by believing women, and yes, then we go and assess the facts, but we do so not from the assumption that they are lying ho's out to 'destroy men's lives', anymore than we should believe that a black kid with a toy in his front yard is a lethal threat to a cop.
if you respect women and understand that like black folks they are the victims of generational discrimination, then you need to support the demands of #metoo the same way BLM asks others to support its demands for fairness and equality and recognition of embedded social bias. which means you have to start by believing that men beat and gaslight women and abandon their kids all the time. so the assumption should be, 'oh, another example of this common occurrence of patriarchal abuse' not 'oh look another ho trying to railroad a good man'.
Ok, so why did she decide to tag all these media members at the same time he finished coaching his first game as a Raptors HC? If it's not revenge because she cannot deal with what happened in the past then what is it?
I'm not dismissing the whole abused women (and men) should keep quiet when discussing what they had experienced and try to seek an opportunity to find themselves again.
It's just not healthy to target a person from the past to destroy his life in order to seek fulfillment. It's clearly what she intended to do since she still hasn't recovered. She's still hateful. The hate overlapped her decision making. Why? Because she saw him receiving love from teammates and media members. She didn't want him to have an emotion she lost.
This is why I believe her. However, it's not healthy (or right) to target the person so they feel less in life than you do.
again with the assumptions that she is hateful and trying to destroy his life. if you can, put yourself in her shoes. i'm not saying what she said is true, but I am wiling to assume that at the very least it might be. so say for the sake of discussion it is. say that he has been defaulting on his child support payments again and again and she has had to go to court and he has been cited for contempt 4 times and he still refuses to pay to support his kids. say he has beaten her repeatedly and never faced any consequences because like many many abused women she did not speak up for fear of what would happen, including the commonplace reality of not being believed. say that he has been actively trying to turn their kids against her by claiming that things that she is saying that actually
did happen are all lies she made up to discredit him. and say it is working. that her kids are turning against her. (she tweeted about parental alienation, as this is called, many times this summer. in some countries it is illegal and criminal but here it is barely understood to be a thing) say she is suffering from deep emotional trauma, gaslighting, financial difficulties and losing her kids all because of him, and no matter what the court says he seems to be getting away with it all. and so she sees him being praised on TV and in the news and hailed as this wonderful fine fellow and so she says i can't take it any more. i'm telling the world again, but this time doing it in a way where maybe they will listen. so that maybe i can get my self-respect back, my mental health back, my kids back, my money back, my life back.
that is how this actually works for countless women. these are real things that happen to women all the freaking time. they don't challenge their circumstances any way they can in order to destroy their exes but in order not to be destroyed themselves.
if you can't see how realistic and how common the scenario above is then you are not nearly as aware of actual discrimination in this world as you think you are.
1. Divorce Courts do not care about the reasons for divorce. It's mutual that both parties want to divorce. You can paint any picture of what the person is like, but the kids most likely go to the mother. It's a basis ass system that needs to reconsider the roles of BOTH parents.
2. It is not acceptable to air out your pain to destroy your ex. There are plenty of other resources you can use instead of resorting to this. Do you know if she even tried to see a doctor or even join a group with a counselor? What he did, If he did, was wrong. What she did was in response to belittle him out of anger and jealously to seek revenge.
3. We don't know just what the timeline is when he missed those child support payments. Was it during the suspension? I mean it's since June 2020. Wasnt the NBA deciding how to deal with how guys would get paid?
4. Also, no person should have to rely on child support payments to survive. It's directly to the benefit of her child. I am sure she received money in the values of what they owned during the divorce. Her youngest child is 17. She can rely on her own 2 instead of insisting on child support payments that are for the CHILD. I'm also certain the reason she's not trying to do better is because those child support payments are handsomely.
5. No child can be manipulated to favor a person who assaulted his victim. The child would always side with the victim. She's painting a picture that her kids are going against her when she's had custody of them and THEY HAVE NEVER REQUESTED THE COURT TO AMEND THE CUSTODY AGREEMENT SO THEY CAN LIVE WITH THEIR FATHER. How much damage could he do if the kids have zero issue living with their mom.
The only things she accused him of that I would believe is the possibility of abuse. I just don't know his reason for leaving her. It's very one sided, but abuse is a common reason for couples to get divorced so let's just go with it.